why I can’t stand snow


“Sooooo….I hear it’s gonna be a rough winter this year.”
I hear this every single year, starting in about August. It drives me insane. First of all, how does anyone know how rough the winter’s gonna be? Weather forecasters can’t even predict the weather right most of the time DAYS ahead, never mind for the long term. Flipping a coin would probably do just as good a job predicting the weather. Whenever people use this phrase, I want to slam my head through a brick wall. Why? Because it almost seems like a taunt to me, as if they WANT it it snow all winter. It’s also usually said by someone who has four wheel drive and fancy snow tires. They’re prepared.
Well guess what? I’m not.

Sure, snow is pretty and all, and it’s nice on CHRISTMAS because it suits the season and on Christmas, most of us can lounge around at home in fuzzy slippers and pajamas all day if we choose. Unless we’re visiting relatives, we don’t have to DRIVE IN IT.

I detest driving in snow. It scares me. No, scratch that. It TERRIFIES me. I drive an old car and my tires are almost bald. I don’t have four wheel drive, and I slide all over the road. For me, it doesn’t matter if it’s snow or ice. I STILL SLIDE. And that’s fucking scary. I feel like I’m putting my life at risk every day I have to drive to work when it’s snowing. I’m sorry I don’t have 4-wheel drive and new tires like you do.

I also hate being cold. Winter is incredibly overrated. Think about it: it’s cold, it’s wet, it gets dark early and stays dark late into the morning, and everything is dead and colorless. The only colors to be seen are gray, brown, black and deadly WHITE if there is snow on the ground (until it turns into black and brown slush a day or so later). After the colorful festivities of Christmas (which is barely into the winter anyway), there’s nothing left to look forward to until spring.

You also have to wear layers and layers of heavy, uncomfortable clothing that takes up time in the morning that could be better spent surfing the web, writing a new blog post, reading your daily affirmation, or leisurely nursing your cup of hot coffee instead of gulping it down. I can’t stand the itchy scarves, gloves that make you drop things, sweaters that make you look like you gained about 50 pounds, and hats that make your hair look like crap when you peel them off and sometimes give you electric shocks.

Oh, and there’s the cleanup too. Spending half an hour scraping the white stuff off my car windows and shoveling it out of my driveway so I can get where I’m going is not my idea of fun.

For normal people I just don’t get the love of snow.

I suppose I can understand someone who doesn’t have to work liking snow. They can sit and stare out the window at it all day wearing their jammies, or go out and build a snowman. That’s why kids like it–they get a day off of school. Most adults do not. If I want to see snow I’ll look at a picture of it, thank you very much.

I can understand why someone who can afford to go skiing every winter would love snow. But how many people are there who can actually afford to do that? Definitely a lot fewer than the number of idiots who smugly announce what a rough winter it’s going to be.

So I have one thing to say to you if you say those words to me:
Shut the fuck up and go fall in a snowbank.

I’ll take the bugs, heat and humidity of summer any day.