Women are always stereotyped as shopaholics, and in fact it’s true.   Most other women I know would love nothing more than to spend an entire day shopping.   Not me, though.  I’d rather be broken down on the road waiting for the tow truck.   Never mind the fact I rarely have enough money to buy much anyway, I just hate everything about it.   I hate the crowds, I hate waiting on line for a dressing room, I hate waiting on line to pay, I hate some officious individual asking, “Can I help you?” when all I’m doing is LOOKING (do I look like a thief to you?).  I also hate the lack of clocks or windows in large stores (I guess they want you to forget what time it is so you stay longer and browse more, just like in casinos).

Clothing shopping is the worst.   I have no patience for it at all.    I have a pear shaped body and it’s always so hard to find anything that fits right or looks good on me.  The mirrors in dressing rooms are always brightly lit with unflattering fluorescent lights, which doesn’t make any sense to me–don’t they want you to look good so you’ll buy their items?  Maybe they do that so you’ll keep trying more things on and never leave the store.  Like you’re in Hotel California or something.

Whenever I need to buy an item of clothing, I always know exactly what I’m looking for, go in, find it, pay for it, and hightail it outta there.   I shop like a man.   I don’t like to spend hours and hours “browsing” and trying things on just to see how I look in them.    That’s why I always shop alone.   I can’t stand waiting around while other people with me just HAVE to try on that cute this or adorable that, and then they have to keep asking you how they look.  I can think of nothing more boring.  I’d rather be waiting on line at the DMV (okay, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration but it’s almost that bad!)    If I MUST shop with another person, I’d rather it be a man because the stereotype about women is mostly true.   For me shopping isn’t therapy–it’s something I need therapy to recover from!

The advent of the Internet has pretty much solved that problem.   Now I just order everything I need online and don’t have to bother with the stores at all.

Bookstores are something entirely different.   I could (and I have) spend an entire day browsing in a bookstore, reading everything I can get my hands on.   My idea of heaven is a celestial Barnes and Noble bookstore, with an attached Starbucks, of course.  The only problem with bookstore browsing is that you’re actually consuming their products with no intention of paying for them.  Standing (or sometimes sitting down!) in an aisle reading a book is akin to eating food in the grocery store and not intending to pay for it.  Eventually, you start getting looks from management and at that point you know it’s buy or get out.   Since I usually don’t have enough cash to buy all the books I want (and it’s always a lot of books), the library serves my needs just fine.