I’m stuck and scared.


The election happened 3 days ago, and I can’t move on from the shock and grief.  I’ve never reacted like this to any election of a new president.

I had no idea I’d react this badly.  I really didn’t think he had a chance.  But I remember watching that map light up in red state by state and thinking, “this can’t be happening.  What the hell is happening?”  It was very surreal.   I felt dissociated the next day.  I still feel like it isn’t real.

It’s not that I was any big fan of Hillary either.   Both parties are corrupt and neither represents the interests of most of the people.  But with Hillary, we’d just have more of the same, basically.  I could live with that.

What I can’t live with is this.  An America run by a racist, sexist sociopath and malignant narcissist who would stop at nothing to destroy everything we’ve been gained in the last 50 years.

I can’t believe women actually voted for him.   What woman with any respect for herself would vote for a man who talks about grabbing pussies and generally talks about women as if they are sex objects or chattel?  Who even made sexual references to his own daughter?   What woman in her right mind would just look past that?

And yet….53% of white women voted for the orange faced man?   WHY?   I can’t believe that figure is really true.

I think there’s something fishy going on with the votes.   I think they were tampered with. I also think Hillary voters were fooled into “voting” on those websites that told them they could just vote online instead of having to go to the polls.  Those votes were bogus because they didn’t count.  I think those sites were set up by Trump’s goons to fool gullible Democrats.

During his acceptance speech (more subdued than what we’ve come to expect of him), his young son, probably about 10 or 11, stood next to him.  At one point, someone in the crowd could be heard shouting,  “KILL OBAMA!”  A few others joined in.  Trump didn’t even flinch.   He said nothing and just kept yammering away.  But his son did flinch and looked very uncomfortable.   I felt so sorry for the kid.  Why didn’t Trump ask these goons to STFU?  Well, of course he wouldn’t.  Because it’s people like that who are his supporters.   God, there’s a lot of disgusting, ugly people in this country.

This is the whole acceptance speech.  You can hear the “KILL OBAMA” at around the 5:32 mark.  Watch his son’s face.

I’m just sick over this.    I’m also very triggered.   This man scares me to death.  He reminds me of Hitler.  And he reminds me of my own FOO, who know nothing about love or compassion but only care about themselves.  He makes me feel helpless, terrified, and powerless, triggering memories of how my FOO and my ex made me feel.

I have no idea what’s going to happen now.   I just know it’s going to be bad.  Riots are already breaking out because of his racist policies.   Our first black president is being replaced by someone who the KKK has endorsed.   I don’t blame them for taking to the streets.  This is going to escalate into civil war.  California is threatening to secede. If they do, I may drive out there and live in my car until I can get a job and settle somewhere.   I don’t want to be left behind with the crazies.

I couldn’t stand George W. Bush or his policies, but I would kiss him right now if he offered to come back and take the presidency away from Trump.   Reagan too.  Hell, even Goldwater!  At least those men had principles.  They believed in something.  Trump believes in nothing but himself.   He has no principles and no ethics.

And now I’m really appreciating Obama in a way I never did before.   I’m going to miss him and am very scared when he steps down on January 20th to let this narcissistic demagogue take the reigns of the U.S. presidency.

Is it normal to still be in a state of shock and depression three days later?   I can’t even think about anything else.   I’m really stuck and feel like I’m in a never-ending nightmare.  Am I the only one?