Last week I wrote about my son’s dissociation episodes and panic attacks. He got some anti-anxiety medication there, but they put him to sleep so they haven’t been useful to him, and the panic has not gone away. He’s been able to manage it a little better, using some mindfulness tricks, but has not been able to see a doctor yet (he will tomorrow). His two trips to the emergency room just told him what he already knew and gave him a few pills for the panic.
Since last Monday, he says he has had 14 panic attacks. Today he tweeted this:
the last 2 weeks ive been in a very dark place. im constantly afraid, never happy. ive lost all hope and happiness. i feel broken. I’m only able to focus on my faults. making choices triggers panic attacks. im so fucking scared of life itself. help me.
This rose alarm bells so I called him right away. He sounded alright but sad/down. I asked him if he was having suicidal thoughts. He said no, but he thinks about death a lot (suicidal ideation). He also said it feels like someone else has taken over his mind and this isn’t him. He can’t think of a specific trigger that would have set off the panic attacks. It seems to me the attacks were and are part of a depressive disorder, possibly major depression, which is what it sounds like.
I made him promise not to do anything crazy. He said he wouldn’t. He did say he appreciates me calling him so much (it used to annoy him) and staying on top of the situation. I’m glad he tells me everything, but I’m still really scared. I can’t be near him right now, and that makes it worse.
At least he’s opening up and being honest instead of keeping everything inside. I think opening up and talking about it is a good first step. He also said he’s been thinking about checking himself into the hospital for a week or a few days. I think that is probably a good idea, even though he will lose pay.
I’m asking everyone to send your prayers his way (or positive thoughts, if you aren’t religious). I hate seeing him like this.