“My” narcissist | Lucky Otters Haven

I’ve noticed how common it is among ACONs to refer to a narcissistic spouse, friend, partner, parent or other close relative as “my” narcissist. It’s almost part of the narc-abuse lingo. Hell, I do it myself. I never thought too much about it before, but how odd it is so many of us use that terminology to refer to someone we are or wish we were not in contact with.

I’m not sure it’s a good idea to refer to a narcissist in the possessive this way. I know we probably say “my” narcissist as a matter of convenience. Maybe it really refers to the psychological hold they have over us even after we’re No Contact, or maybe we still feel some attachment on a subconscious, codependent level. Still, I’m not sure it’s really a good idea to refer to them as “my” because it sounds almost affectionate, like the way you might talk about a pet.

That out of the way, I’ll probably still say “my narcissist” because it’s just, well, convenient sometimes.

Bree makes an excellent point here about the habit so many of us have when referring to the narcissists we have known intimately as “my” narcissist. Unfortunately I’m guilty of this. But it’s stupid when you think about it, referring to narcs this way, especially if we’ve gone No Contact. We have disengaged and disowned them so why would we still refer to something we no longer have or want as “my”? I’m reblogging this because I think it’s important for victims of narcissistic abuse to get out of this habit because little words like “my” can have the effect of keeping us emotionally connected, even if we no longer have contact with them.

Free From Toxic

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. What a huge lie we all grew up with on the playground at school. Actions may speak louder than words, but words DO hurt us, even our own. They also have the power to influence or destroy, liberate or enslave, encourage or shatter and attach or disconnect.

Perhaps, that’s why I just cringe every time I hear someone or myself say, “MY ex narcissist”. I recognize that many people might think I am making a big to-do about these 3 little words but every word we say matters. Words are so important. Even more than we realize. They literally shape our perceptions and our inner reality. The words we choose not only have a gigantic impact on our listeners but on ourselves as well.

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