“My” narcissist?

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I’ve noticed how common it is among ACONs to refer to a narcissistic spouse, friend, partner, parent or other close relative as “my” narcissist. It’s almost part of the narc-abuse lingo. Hell, I do it myself. I never thought too much about it before, but how odd it is so many of us use that terminology to refer to someone we are or wish we were not in contact with.

I’m not sure it’s a good idea to refer to a narcissist in the possessive this way. I know we probably say “my” narcissist as a matter of convenience. Maybe it really refers to the psychological hold they have over us even after we’re No Contact, or maybe we still feel some attachment on a subconscious, codependent level. Still, I’m not sure it’s really a good idea to refer to them as “my” because it sounds almost affectionate, like the way you might talk about a pet.

That out of the way, I’ll probably still say “my narcissist” because it’s just, well, convenient sometimes.

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About luckyotter

Recovering from BPD and C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse from childhood. Married to a sociopath for 20 years. Proud INFJ, Enneagram type 4w5. Animal lover, music lover, cat mom, unapologetic geek, fan of the absurd, progressive Catholic, mom to 2, mental illness stigma activist, anti-Trumper. #RESISTANCE
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4 Responses to “My” narcissist?

  1. I know what you mean. Maybe it’s a way we attempt to make light of it. It would be said in a sarcastic tone wouldn’t it? It’s like a something we live with although we’d rather not. Kind of like when you’re sick with a cold, “My cold.” LoL

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    • Susan says:

      yep! that’s funny cuz even my narc.. when I was STILL so desperately trying to get him to see what he was doing to me… and so I told him what I said to someone ELSE about him.. so I said “I even told my mom (or whoever it was,such and such person) that “my abuser”
      and he was like taunting and making fun of it back and he repeated it back to me like “haha my abuser” in a sarcastic tone
      nope they will never get it.
      look, even Bible says and common sense.. humans we SEPERATE ourselves by a very powerful thing called LANGUAGE. by this the peoples were scattered. as it said they couldn’t get the job done as none understood each other,they got frustrated and departed from each other.
      we do the same thing
      there is no common goal worked on with them.
      we make a language which excludes them because we never EVER want to be with one again or ever see one etc/don’t want them in society…
      if he could SAY “yes I abused you, I see that im sorry” we’d still be together… (I mean so long as it was sincere)
      we use language to make them seem as small and insignificant as they made themselves to us. it was their doing! like you said , like a COLD.

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  2. Susan says:

    I know! I did it too, they were just so bad and devastating to us they that were like “events” or “my situation” narcs FORCE you to go OUTSIDE of yourself for awhile to recover… you feel you aren’t even home,but off in la la land… surreal.. so the language reflects that. like a “past tense life” with new terminology. my narc,ha.. his name started with a “C” so I was always like B.C.
    and for that matter A.D.! after death=mine!
    B.C. was like my life before…..
    there is definitely a b.c. and a.d. with ‘my narc’ which is not as a person or a human being but an “experience”

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  3. Susan’s right, they’re so devestating to your life. There is your life before, and your life after, so much damage it will never be the same. And yes, there is no common goal, you can think there is, but, they’re really working on one of their own, your destruction. I’ve lost things I didn’t think you could lose. Believe me, protect everything, even what you might take for granted. ‘My’ narcs were probably at the uppermost end of the spectrum.

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