Many months ago, I wrote a post saying I was going to join the choir. I really intended to! But me being the worst procrastinator in the universe, every week I’d say to myself, “I’ll go next week.” Each week it seemed I had a different reason for not going. Weeks turned into months, and now Easter is almost here.
I’ve always wanted to sing in a choir. Music is very spiritual and I always feel closer to God when I sing in church, but I’d always make excuses for not showing up to choir practice. Pick any of the following (I used every one of these at least once): I’m too tired, I don’t like to be around other people, I’m not a very good singer, I don’t feel like driving, it’s too cold, I haven’t had dinner, I’d rather blog, I have to answer emails, I have a headache, I might have an anxiety attack.
Even I knew these were lame excuses and I just didn’t want to commit myself to anything requiring any effort on my part, even an hour and a half once a week.
But I finally made the commitment and signed the paperwork, so I have no reason anymore not to attend practice. So if you see me blogging or commenting here tonight between 6:30 PM and 8 PM, please yell at me. Tell me to get my derriere over to the church and get the hell off the Internet.
I don’t normally go in much for church-related activities, but I’ve always loved to sing and I love music, and I feel like this is a way I can encourage myself to interact with actual people in a way that might be fun and not require too much actual social interaction since we’d be spending most of the time singing and not talking.
I know that isolating myself as much as I do isn’t healthy. Introversion is fine, but not to the point where you live as a near-recluse, shunning any social involvement at all. Deliberately avoiding all social interaction isn’t going to help me conquer my Avoidant PD or my covert narcissism or whatever. While I have to accept (and do accept) that I’ll never be an extrovert or social butterfly, self improvement requires me to take this step.
Lately my isolation from others has been bothering me. I’m lonelier than I like to admit. I want to connect with people, even though it’s hard for me to do that and there’s definitely an element of anxiety. My shyness has not gone away.
If I’m ever going to meet people I can become potentially close to, just being around them in an environment where we’re sharing a fun activity (like singing) seems like a good way to start.
So tomorrow night I’ll be showing up at choir practice. I’m actually sort of excited about it!
Why limit my singing to my car where I’m my only audience?