9 ways to tell if the victim blog you read is run by a narcissist.

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Lucky Otters Haven

Originally posted on January 9, 2017

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The Internet is a great thing for a lot of reasons, but for victims of narcissistic abuse, it’s probably the first time in our lives we ever had a voice, and would be listened to and believed.   There are hundreds and probably even thousands of blogs and websites for people who have been victims of narcissistic abuse, either by their families, or at the hands of an abusive spouse, boss, lover, or friend.

The Internet has given us a voice, so now we can not only read and comment on the stories of others who have suffered similar experiences, we can also start our own blogs where we can talk about our own abuse.   Before the Internet, who would listen to us, much less believe us?  More than likely, we’d be told, “oh, of course your mother/father loves you,” or “Oh, I’m…

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9 thoughts on “9 ways to tell if the victim blog you read is run by a narcissist.”

  1. I remember being blocked from a well known “healing from complex ptsd” site for simply saying schema therapy can treat people with NPD and they aren’t “incurable” like how BPD used to be seen as (as backed by studies and clinician books… I’m in schema therapy for my AVPD myself…)

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    • Ah yes, I’m quite familiar with that attitude. I got myself run off one survivors’ board for saying the EXACT SAME THING! I don’t think I used the term “schema” but I said that some low level narcs who are self aware MAY be able to be cured or at least control their behavior. I was not including malignant narcissists or sociopaths in this. I was told I was a narc hugger and a narc sympathizer, and called a narc myself. That was a long time ago, and I’ve gotten over it, but at the time I was devastated. I was ganged up on, smeared and their behavior toward me was very narcish.

      I certainly understand that sort of thing can be triggering for a person who’s survived narcissistic abuse. There’s definitely a stage of anger and rage you go through, when you HATE narcs. After awhile that passes, and you just ignore narcs and try to get on with your life. It was at that point I made my remark (I had been reading up on NPD quite a bit so I had some psychological background on how it could possibly be treated in some cases) Big mistake there, obviously! But in retrospect, I realized I was better off without those kind of people who would resort to narcissistic and bullying behavior themselves in retaliation for a random comment that had nothing to do with them.

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      • Oh yeah, if I remember right, you yourself (or I’m mistaking you for someone else I read) wondered for some time (years ago, I can’t remember how far back) if you had NPD. Low level ones who are self aware can definitely be helped and of course we don’t mean the malignant types who don’t WANT help, who willfully harm others without remorse.

        I wrote a post on the stigma of personality disorders because people talk about us (especially cluster B, though I’m cluster C) like we’re monsters. In fact most people with Antisocial PD don’t meet criteria for sociopathy and psychopathy! And many with PDs are abuse survivors themselves. CPTSD is a good construct but some of us are more injured and developed personality disorders from abuse.

        I remember being so hurt being banned from that community especially since my other posts were well received… But that’s the stigma I guess. When I received my diagnosis I knew some people would just write me off simply because it’s a personality disorder diagnosis.

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        • Yeah, that was me, lol. I don’t have NPD but was sure I did for a while. I heard that’s pretty common during recovery, especially if you’ve been called a narcissist by your narcs (which I was).

          The old adage is true: generally, if you think you have NPD, you most likely don’t.

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          • Mine didn’t call me “narcissistic” but they called me “selfish”, “self absorbed” so much that I did ask my therapist (after she told me I had a personality disorder likely avoidant) if I could be a covert narcissist. She was like “Just where did you get that idea? BPD I can understand why you’re wondering, but NPD?”

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  2. Great wisdom in this post! It is really hard recovering when there are children involved, and complete “no contact” is not an option. I still fear for my life, especially on “supervised visit days”. My ex is a sociopath it turned out… It has been challenging to help kids build boundaries against the psychological abuse- but if they must visit, they need tools to survive. I have seen some of the questionable blogs as well…boundaries help.

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  3. Excellent article. I’m glad someone has put into words what I’ve been thinking for some time. I’ve had several horrible and frightening experiences with “support” groups and the psychology profession. I was going to join a (real life) support group (and even considered moving to another city as there is nothing where I live and I felt I needed a new start). Thank goodness something stopped me and I didn’t move (I’m also physically ill) as I fear the group is run by a narcissist. I’ve noticed there is often a lot of venom towards the “golden” child who they often say is a narcissist and they don’t like it if you say scapegoat children can also be narcissists. In my family this is the case (I am the “lost” child). I’ve had many hard lessons over the last 18 months but know what to look for now.

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    • I’m glad my article was helpful to you. Narcissists and victims come from the same dysfunctional family systems and they are not always mutually exclusive!
      A victim of narcissitic abuse can certainly be a narcissist, in fact, narcissism is caused by narcissistic abuse! I wish more people in these support groups understood this. Most psychologists and mental health professionals do.

      Thanks for your comment. This is one of my most read articles, and I’m glad too, because it’s a concept few people really think about, but some of these groups can be dangerous and make things even worse if you don’t know what you’re getting into.

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