The awkwardness of being a Borderline ACON.

Thought I’d reblog this, as it shows where my head was at almost three years ago, and how I reacted to criticism from “pure” abuse survivors who didn’t believe it was possible to be both an abuse victim and also suffer from something as “evil” as Borderline Personality Disorder (whose symptoms are often mixed up with those of  Complex PTSD and may even be the same thing).

I’m a lot calmer and more centered today, but I was also in therapy at that time and learning a lot about myself, so it was a fruitful time for me, however difficult it could sometimes be.

Comments here are welcome, since the deadline for comments under the original post has expired.

Lucky Otters Haven


I won’t lie.  It’s incredibly awkward being a blogger who blogs about two things that seem diametrically opposed to many people in the narcissistic abuse community:  being a victim of narcissists, and having a Cluster B disorder (BPD).   To those of you who aren’t familiar with the ACON (adult children of narcissists) blogosphere,  there are a few ACON bloggers (not too many on WordPress, fortunately) who seem to think if you have BPD then you can’t also be an abuse victim and certainly shouldn’t be blogging about it.  Because, you see, if you have BPD then you are one of the soulless abusers.  If you are any kind of “cluster B person” blogging about abuse, then of it follows that you must have an “agenda.”  What that agenda is is never specified though.

I have been accused of many things, none of which are pretty, and few of which are true…

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10 thoughts on “The awkwardness of being a Borderline ACON.

  1. Excellent post, Lucky. I love how honest, brave, and insightful you are.

    I was cringing a little, reading the comments I wrote on this post two years ago. I was so wordy! I seem to be a lot calmer in my writing, since my neurofeedback treatments. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

      • It is interesting. But I find it a little unnerving, too. Probably because my dad was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder back in the 1960s, and he really was more than one person. So I grew up with the fear of my personality changing, and becoming more than one person, like my dad.

        Speaking of which, I don’t know if I ever told you that, for a number of reasons, I wasn’t sure who my biological father was? I just found out a couple of weeks ago that my mother’s first husband, the one with multiple personality disorder, really was my biological dad. His half sister had her DNA tested, and she is now listed on the 23andMe website as my closest relative. Which means that, when I was five years old and my mom took me to see her old boyfriend and she told him that I was his, she was either lying or mistaken.

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  2. I never saw the original post but I am really confused as to how people could criticize you for being an abuse victim & also someone suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. I mean, lots of us are abuse victims & have mental illnesses! The two are not mutually exclusive! And people who are mentally ill are not creating their abuse or making it up or attracting abusers!

    I myself have been in more than one abusive relationship, have had to spend months in DV shelters & I myself am Bipolar 1.

    People like to blame. When they see someone in an abusive relationship, they want to find a reason why that person (usually a woman) is with that other person (usually a man). There are many reasons (usually economic, sometimes “love”). But nobody has the right to sit in judgment on another person. Not one of us has all of the facts, not ever.

    I love your blog & look forward to reading it. Hang in there! Hugs!

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    • It’s a long story actually. There was a group of narcs on another blogging platform, posing as victims (that’s actually very common in the narcissistic abuse community and I’ve even written about why that happens and how to avoid them) who decided I was going to be their target. That’s pretty much what happened. They’re no longer around and most of their blogs are gone. I’m not sure what happened to them. But it goes to show you, not everyone who writes about narcissistic abuse is free of narcissism themselves. You have to be very careful. Fortunately, I think most bloggers who write about narcissistic abuse are sincere and honest about themselves and have no desire to bully or target others.


  3. While reading your blog I felt you are a good person.Kind,Empathic,Broad minded.People who are judging you are jealous of you.They can’t be like you so they are critical of you.

    I have seen Borderlines having much more empathy than neurotypicals.And I noticed abused empaths tend to develop BPD due to toxic environment which causes unbalanced emotions.Even though empaths behave rudely and arrogantly due to BPD still they feel deep empathy for people who are in pain.I have seen people with BPD who are very generous too.There are non empaths who develop BPD they can be toxic too.

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