Some days I feel like everything’s hopeless.

depressed_woman

Some days it seems like they are winning.    Now we even have State TV.    The reason we had regulations were to keep something like that from happening.    I feel like a character in Orwell’s 1984 and we are creeping closer to fascism every day.

Most days I feel hopeful.  I want to think that goodness will always trump evil.   I want to think most people have good hearts and can tell the difference between truth and lies.  I want to believe there is a way out of this darkness and justice will prevail.

Other days I’m not so sure.   They have so much power, so much money, and are taking over everything like a cancer.    Today is one of those days.   On days like this I feel like giving up.   I feel like nothing will change and will only grow worse.    I feel like I’ll never live to see my country as it used to be ever again.

I know that’s exactly what their intention is.  To wear us down, exhaust us, make us give up, make us buckle under and become sheep who never complain, and just do as we’re told because we know there is no better choice.

I know I have to fight this malaise and negativity, but on days like this it’s so hard. I just feel so depressed and tired.  I want to succumb to it, to let the darkness engulf me and take me down with it.

Maybe I should just ignore what’s going on, not read the news, but I can’t do that either. They want us to be ignorant.  To ignore what’s going on is to become ignorant.

We are being threatened from the outside, and also from our own government. There is no safe place to retreat to, nowhere to run.

Somehow I have to maintain my desire to resist and push back against this assault on the people — their assault on me and everything and everyone I know and love feels so personal.  But it’s getting so hard, and today I feel like nothing can be done and hope is gone.   My C-PTSD has been retriggered by this president.    It’s traumatizing to a lot of people, but especially those who have been through this kind of abuse on the personal  level.

It’s only been 7 months and I feel numb.   I feel like a prisoner on death row who is innocent of any crime but can’t get a fair trial, can’t get an appeal, so I just sit in my cell counting the days until they come to walk me down the green mile.

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About luckyotter

Recovering from BPD and C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse from childhood. Married to a sociopath for 20 years. Proud INFJ, Enneagram type 4w5. Animal lover, music lover, cat mom, unapologetic geek, fan of the absurd, progressive Catholic, mom to 2, mental illness stigma activist, anti-Trumper. #RESISTANCE
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4 Responses to Some days I feel like everything’s hopeless.

  1. adamjasonp says:

    For the worst of it, neither the facts nor the law is on their side. And… from what I gather, they don’t quite know what they’re doing. So much of what you see in social media is a façade. Artificial numbers: 1/5 of the accounts on twitter engaging with Trump are bots. It will always look bigger than it is. The reality is less than a third of the country approves of the admin.

    As far as the resistance goes, there’s plenty of internal opposition, not just external. If it was any other country we would be in trouble. But, as I said earlier, we have the Constitution and professionals enforcing the rule of law. Only fringes want a nation of men. Everyone else, including those in the government, still operate on the basis that we are a nation of laws.

    The good fight needs to be fought. But we mustn’t exhaust ourselves. Not for the pathetic tweets, not for the noise.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Deirdre Fendricks says:

    Love your words.💚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Jim says:

    From Seth Godin’s blog:

    Seeing and believing

    It turns out that the more you watch TV, the more you believe that the world is dangerous. It turns out TV watchers believe that an astonishing 5% (!) of the population works in law enforcement. And it turns out that the more you watch TV the less optimistic you become. Cultivation theory https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cultivation_theory helps us understand the enormous power that TV immersion has.

    Given the overwhelming power of interaction, I’m confident that we’ll discover that internet exposure, particularly to linkbait headlines, comments and invective, will also change what people believe about the world around them.

    It’s hopeful to imagine that we can change these outcomes by changing the inputs. Of course, the hard part is choosing to do so.

    Every time I see a toddler in a stroller with an internet device in hand, I shudder.

    If we want a better future, it helps to be able to see the world as it is.

    Like

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