Blogging for these past 11 months has been an incredible journey of self discovery and now it looks like I’ve reached the end what writing alone can do for me. But it’s brought me to this point and without it I would not know the things I know now.
A few days ago I had a sudden realization and that realization is a huge breakthrough for me. Of course that’s a great thing, but its price is also a great deal of pain that I need to process and I think any further online self-therapy for the moment is going to take me too deep into something that would be best handled with professional counseling.
I detest the word “hiatus,” but I can’t think of a better word to use at the moment. I’m going to miss writing every day so much that I’m literally in tears right now, because I’ve grown to love this so much and there’s nothing I’d rather be doing. But I need to think of what’s right, not just what I want. I need to do a lot more reading and research about what’s going on with me right now and try to get a handle on it as well as find a good therapist.
I’m not ready to say what I know. I’ll come back here and write about it when I’m ready. It’s not a bad thing, it just is and it’s good that I know. I couldn’t see it before but now I can’t believe I didn’t. I will say this–that it explains a LOT. It also has answered many of the questions I’ve asked and wondered about for almost a year, but has raised new questions. My entire POV has shifted and things were not as they seemed.
I was always honest (as much as I could be at least) on this blog so I can’t write about mental illness or personality disorders again until I am ready to be honest about how all that applies to me too. I’m really going to miss that too.
I wish I could be more specific. I’m dying to write about it but I can’t yet. Change is hard but I must step back and process things, find out more. I don’t think I’ll be gone long. I just need to do a lot of thinking and sort some things out in myself first.
I’ll probably still continue to post articles about topics unrelated to mental illness or personality disorders. I don’t see any reason not to. I plan to do a “Progression of Fall” series starting sometime next month, similar to my “Progression of Spring” posts. Photography. Funny stuff. Maybe a serious article about something unrelated to this blog’s primary focus. Stuff like that. I may even be back posting before then. It might not take long at all.
I could come back within just days or a week or two if I feel ready to talk about what’s going on with me. But right now, I’m just not ready. I wouldn’t even know where to begin. It’s overwhelming and I need to step back and try to process it and get a clearer perspective on everything.
Don’t worry, I am fine. I’ve just entered a painful phase of self-growth. Writing is no longer enough and at this point could trigger things that might be dangerous to try to face alone.
I’ll miss you all very much but I shouldn’t be away very long.
I hope you understand.
If anyone wants to get in contact with me, you can reach me via email, LinkedIn or Twitter (the information is in the “Contact Me” tab). If you want to friend me on Facebook, email me and I’ll give you my actual name (which I have never used on this blog, for obvious reasons).
Peace and blessings,