How my ASPD/NPD control freak ex used a dog to gaslight me.

This makes me laugh now, but at the time I was doing anything but laughing.

Lucky Otters Haven


In 2011, when my parasitic MN/ASPD ex was still living on my couch, he decided he wanted a dog.

We already had a dog, Dexter, who was an awesome black lab mix (he lives with my daughter and her fiance now). The house I live in (and lived in then) is tiny. At the time, we had Dexter and 5 cats. Far too many animals for a two bedroom house, but these were pets I cared about, so I wasn’t too bothered by the overpopulation problem in the house.

But oh no, a dog and five cats wasn’t enough for the Parasite (which is his new name as far as I’m concerned so that’s who he’ll be from now on). No, he had to have his OWN dog, one that HE picked. I told him we had no room for another pet, and it was already too expensive feeding and…

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5 thoughts on “How my ASPD/NPD control freak ex used a dog to gaslight me.

  1. What an entertaining and funny post! It was so well written the way you recounted your days with Barnaby(and your former). You went through so much with them. They sounded like they were very wearing. I agree with Joey on you having described predatory behaviors. I had a boyfriend who I mostly supported and still he always wanted more and if I had to say no then I was mean. I liked how it ended. Someone who truly wanted a Jack Russell!

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  2. Lauren, you really did all this to yourself. You can hate me for saying so but I read the whole thing and I need to react. He had all the power? Only because you gave it to him. When he presented you with a fait accompli, the puppy, your first mistake was explaining yourself to him. He already knew damned well why you didn’t want that dog. Explaining about the food and all gave him a hook with which to get you involved with a whole irrelevant discussion. Irrelevant because you didn’t need to explain your decision. Your house. The end. I’d have thrown them both out within the hour. But I wouldn’t have let him live there in the first place. You seemed to hate him. So why give him sofa space? Because he threatened to kill himself and make it look like you murdered him? I’d have said, “Watch your step, Buster, or it WILL be a murder made to look like a suicide.” Or you could simply tell him to go ahead and kill himself but do it somewhere else because he had worn out his welcome. Call the police if you have to and tell them this man is trespassing. If he says you’re “mean,” say, “That’s right. I’m mean. I don’t love you. In fact I hate you. I don’t care about you or your dog.” So what?


    • Ever hear of codependency? I’m codependent (or used to be) and this is the sort of thing that happens to us because we’re bad at saying no and have problems setting boundaries. As someone who is not codependent, it might be hard for you to understand.

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