“Cinderella.”

cinderella2

I swear sometimes I feel like Cinderella.

Today was a little better than yesterday.  Well, maybe not better, but more productive.  I forgot to mention this in last night’s post (Diving Into the Inferno) but my therapist actually thinks I should “crash” my father’s memorial service.  I absolutely will not do that; even if I could afford to go, I don’t wish to be where I’m not wanted.  I told him this would not work for several reasons and he saw my logic.

I slept fitfully last night.  I kept falling asleep and waking up knowing I had been dreaming, but couldn’t remember any of my dreams.  When my alarm went off to go to work, I felt like I hadn’t slept at all.   I dragged myself into work and felt hideous.  This whole drama involving my dad’s memorial service and the “un-invite” has left me feeling sick, angry, and depressed.  I actually felt like throwing up today but I know it was due to all these powerful and conflicting emotions.

I knew I needed some time off just to process everything, so I decided to ask my boss if I could take a few vacation days early.  I’m fortunate enough to have a very sweet boss who likes me as an employee and a person, so she was happy to front me three days’ vacation time (I’m taking the rest in August) and I’ll get paid for it too.  My boss even remarked about my “good heart,” which touched me but embarrassed me a little too.  There’s Cinderella again!

Feeling supported and understood by my boss lifted my mood a little bit, and on the way home I decided to write my father’s wife an email stating my feelings about the “oversight.”

Hello, _____,
I hope you are well and coping okay with everything.  I know you have a lot on your plate right now.
Something is concerning me. I thought it was strange the way you told me on the phone you didn’t know when the memorial service would be, but the next day I found out on Facebook that ____ was sent plane tickets so obviously he was told when it is.
Of course I would love to pay my respects because he is my Dad, but unfortunately even if I was told when it would be, I cannot get the time off from work, nor do I have the funds on such short notice.   Even so, just being informed of the date and place would have been kind, even if only so I could send flowers and say a special prayer on that day.  As his daughter, I have to admit I was hurt by this oversight, which I’m not sure was an oversight at all. Regardless of how the two of you felt about me, I think I should have been given this information.
You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers,
______

I hesitated before sending it, but finally hit that “send” button.   I bet the excuse will be something about having forgotten,  but at least my feelings will be known and that’s the real reason I sent it.

Just like Cinderella,  I’m a scapegoated, unloved child with an evil stepmother too. Hell, I even clean houses!  And I have a soft spot for animals of all kinds.  But there will be no Prince Charming.  Justice though, perhaps.  That’s all I expect.  Cinderella got justice in the end too but never had to become a bitch to get it.  I won’t become a bitch either.

****

surprised_cinderella

ETA:  Just got a reply (Boy, THAT was quick!).
I won’t bother to copy her reply, but basically, I’m being told that

(a) I upset her greatly with my email

(b)  that no plane tickets were ever sent to my son and there is no date set (why would he lie about it?), and

(c) that she does not want to get involved in “my drama.”

I feel like I’m being jerked around on a stick!    I see 3 things going on here: (a) trying to make me feel guilty; (b) denial and gaslighting; and (c) guilt tripping again and lack of empathy.

I will be sending no further emails.  She knows how I feel.  I had my say.

****

Even later:

I wound up sending a quick apology over the misunderstanding. I talked to my son who says he doesn’t know the date either. Hell, I don’t know who to believe anymore. I feel like I’m in crazyworld.

 

Advertisements

About luckyotter

Recovering from BPD and C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse from childhood. Married to a sociopath for 20 years. Proud INFJ, Enneagram type 4w5. Animal lover, music lover, cat mom, unapologetic geek, fan of the absurd, progressive Catholic, mom to 2, mental illness stigma activist, anti-Trumper. #RESISTANCE
This entry was posted in narcissistic families, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to “Cinderella.”

    • luckyotter says:

      I wound up sending a quick apology over the misunderstanding. I talked to my son who says he doesn’t know the date either. Hell, I don’t know who to believe anymore. I feel like I’m in crazyworld.

      Cute gif though. 🙂 It made me smile.

      Like

  1. Could that plane ticket thing on your sons FB page possibly been in regards to something else? I’m just trying to help you figure things out.

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      I just checked his FB post–it says later this month, nothing about plane tickets, but he told my daughter he had them. Unless SHE is making this up. This is nuts. AAAGGGHHH!
      Someone is telling lies, and I HAVE NO IDEA WHO! I guess I should just let all this go. Otherwise I’ll go insane.

      Like

  2. Dear Lucky, stepmutha’s quick and rather rude response just reeks of narcish behavior. “drama!” Indeed, she sounds like she is fOOl of it!What a bitch! Yaayyy you for having no further dealings with that!

    Like

  3. katiesdream2004 says:

    Your letter was polite to the point and I thought respectful given the circumstances. The outline of her reply would make my blood boil. It is a dramatic thing when your dad dies its not your drama. They create drama and then blame your reaction to their drama on you. After a death it is a crazy time. I’m glad your day went better and I think the story of Cinderella was written by someone that knew about narcissists and scapegoats putting it in fairy tale form.

    You know a respectful reply to you might have read like this, because this is how normal families react to each other … “I’m so sorry your dad died and for the pain this causes you, I’m sorry that it is made worse by this misunderstanding about the memorial, I wouldn’t want to do anything to make the pain worse. Your prayers would be appreciated and we will make it a priority to let you know the date”
    I wish that reply for you…

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Susan says:

    truth is no one knows how to respond anymore and I can see how she is. im sorry but anything someone says should be handled as what is said not about “if wrong”…she is addressing statements and not the person.
    meaning
    she should have been like
    “oh my goodness im sorry you feel that way.. I can see why youd be upset if you thought that!”
    instead its an easy out like “well what she said isn’t even true so I don’t have to address the real feelings”
    its what katiesdream pretty much just said. the correct response… is based on what you THOUGHT..NOT whats right or wrong..
    besides if you saw it on facebook she should know that..that someone said it..
    what indication did she even give to give you a heads up even to tell you “we don’t know when it is yet” on her own…
    im sorry but all your feelings are valid, don’t feel crazy.its based on a real past.
    even if this was a misunderstanding. im glad you are able to let it go though and be so brave in this. shows major strength of character. to even apologize and just let it pass…
    theres a place for little girls to feel safe and loved and protected 🙂 and it resides in us older women:)!
    and this place also teaches our fathers…we let them enter:)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Leslie says:

    What Katie said, cause she said it better then I could.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m with the two of you on that!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. hbsuefred says:

    You know, Cinderella only got to go to the ball through the efforts of her fairy godmother. A mature healthy woman in the 21st century would/could/should not expect to get anywhere in life through the efforts of a figment of her own imagination. Just sayin’.

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.