I was a weird, sketchy kid who had weird dreams. When I was about 5 I had a dream about something called a “clout” that looked like an oversized steel wool pad. It was sitting on the small rug in front of my bed and I was too scared to put my feet on the floor because that clout thing was evil. It just sat there on the rug, in all its black malevolence, not moving, but I knew it was alive and meant to kill me. I knew if I put my feet on the floor the clout would suck me down into the Hell-portal it must have come from.
When I was around the same age, one morning I woke up doubled over with laughter. My dad asked me why I was laughing, and I remember saying, “someone was throwing mud at my door.” I pointed to the door of my room and globs of gooey mud were sliding down its painted surface. I couldn’t stop shrieking with mirth. I kept pointing but he couldn’t see the mud and told me to stop making things up. “Look! Look! There! There!” I screamed in frustration, but I was still laughing. Then I woke up for real and was almost afraid if I looked at the door, mud would be on it. I was really awake this time, so there wasn’t. Relieved, I went downstairs for my Cap’n Crunch and orange juice.