Falling down a mental black hole.

blackhole

I’ve been dealing with a situation that’s been somewhat traumatizing to me and has gotten me very depressed and experiencing feelings of self-hatred and shame (having SAD doesn’t help).   I became so depressed all I could do was lie in bed and sleep or just mope around and do nothing except wallow in self pity.  I lost all motivation to write anything at all.    I prayed for answers and clarity on this situation, and now that I finally understand the reason this thing triggered me so much, I’m finally starting to feel a little better about it.

I’m sorry, but I’m not prepared to say what the situation is.    I’m not ill nor is anyone close to me sick.  I didn’t lose my job. No one died. Nothing “bad” happened.   It’s purely a thing that has to do with my mental disorders and is probably something that wouldn’t bother a normal person nearly so much but sent me hurtling down a mental black hole.

I have therapy tomorrow where I will be talking about it.  The only person that knows exactly what’s going on with me right now is my therapist.    I hope I come away feeling almost back to normal.

I still don’t know how much I’ll feel like posting, though.

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20 thoughts on “Falling down a mental black hole.

  1. One thing that always helps me is to remind myself that anxiety and fear is a lie, a cheap trick. So whatever your angst, the opposite probably is true. Truth is a grounded reality, not a scary black hole. May God be with you dear friend.

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  2. If it helps to check in with us, then Im glad you did, and its fine that you didn’t give all the details. You have confidence in this therapist, so, get a good nights sleep so you can be well rested for the session tomorrow. Maybe distract yourself this evening with whatever works for you. Tomorrows another day, you’ll deal with it then.

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  3. I love this quote I’m including here and I want to say that for people that have survived abuse and tremendous pain, the courage to keep breathing is sometimes incredible courage. Mary Anne Radmacher said these words and I remind myself doing anything normal in any given day requires great courage for abuse survivors. Blogging is courageous more than most “normal” people could even handle
    “”Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow.””‘
    Mercy and grace abound to you

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  4. In a city, there are many people who live. Teacher, Doctor, Engineer, Plumber, Thief, Murderer,Prostitute just anybody. It is our choice who we associate with.

    The same way our mind is a city and there are all sorts of feelings who live, how much we associate ourselves with, is entirely our choice.

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  5. On the bad days, I like to remind myself that they can’t last forever. You are strong and you will go past them, I know how it feels like, sometimes your mind acts as if this is your permanent state. Well, it is not. Get well because the better days might be few but they’re worth it 🙂

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