Falling down a mental black hole.

blackhole

I’ve been dealing with a situation that’s been somewhat traumatizing to me and has gotten me very depressed and experiencing feelings of self-hatred and shame (having SAD doesn’t help).   I became so depressed all I could do was lie in bed and sleep or just mope around and do nothing except wallow in self pity.  I lost all motivation to write anything at all.    I prayed for answers and clarity on this situation, and now that I finally understand the reason this thing triggered me so much, I’m finally starting to feel a little better about it.

I’m sorry, but I’m not prepared to say what the situation is.    I’m not ill nor is anyone close to me sick.  I didn’t lose my job. No one died. Nothing “bad” happened.   It’s purely a thing that has to do with my mental disorders and is probably something that wouldn’t bother a normal person nearly so much but sent me hurtling down a mental black hole.

I have therapy tomorrow where I will be talking about it.  The only person that knows exactly what’s going on with me right now is my therapist.    I hope I come away feeling almost back to normal.

I still don’t know how much I’ll feel like posting, though.

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About luckyotter

Recovering from BPD and C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse from childhood. Married to a sociopath for 20 years. Proud INFJ, Enneagram type 4w5. Animal lover, music lover, cat mom, unapologetic geek, fan of the absurd, progressive Catholic, mom to 2, mental illness stigma activist, anti-Trumper. #RESISTANCE
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20 Responses to Falling down a mental black hole.

  1. One thing that always helps me is to remind myself that anxiety and fear is a lie, a cheap trick. So whatever your angst, the opposite probably is true. Truth is a grounded reality, not a scary black hole. May God be with you dear friend.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Marcus says:

    You post what you’re comfortable posting. That in itself is bravery. That is courage released. My thoughts go with you as you work with your therapist.
    Peace.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Evan711 says:

    I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time… Wishing you peace…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lisa says:

    Thinking of you and wishing you strength…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. rubycommenting says:

    If it helps to check in with us, then Im glad you did, and its fine that you didn’t give all the details. You have confidence in this therapist, so, get a good nights sleep so you can be well rested for the session tomorrow. Maybe distract yourself this evening with whatever works for you. Tomorrows another day, you’ll deal with it then.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. katiesdream2004 says:

    I love this quote I’m including here and I want to say that for people that have survived abuse and tremendous pain, the courage to keep breathing is sometimes incredible courage. Mary Anne Radmacher said these words and I remind myself doing anything normal in any given day requires great courage for abuse survivors. Blogging is courageous more than most “normal” people could even handle
    “”Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow.””‘
    Mercy and grace abound to you

    Liked by 2 people

  7. God loves you and so do we Luckyotter!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. ashualec says:

    In a city, there are many people who live. Teacher, Doctor, Engineer, Plumber, Thief, Murderer,Prostitute just anybody. It is our choice who we associate with.

    The same way our mind is a city and there are all sorts of feelings who live, how much we associate ourselves with, is entirely our choice.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. It’s impressive that feeling as badly as you do and losing (lost?) motivation, that you are still able to put thoughts into words and post them. Hoping therapy today goes well and helps!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. cyranny says:

    I don’t know what to say… But hang on there! I hope talking about it will help you make everything better…. My thoughts are with you 🙂 *big hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  11. On the bad days, I like to remind myself that they can’t last forever. You are strong and you will go past them, I know how it feels like, sometimes your mind acts as if this is your permanent state. Well, it is not. Get well because the better days might be few but they’re worth it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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