Clarity (or, through a glass, darkly).

Down the Rabbit Hole


I had a mindblowing therapy session tonight. I meant to post about it earlier, but when I got home, I lay down for a nap and slept for over 5 hours.

First, a confession. Even though I make every effort to be honest on my blogs, I always feel guilty posting about something “negative” because I feel like I’m supposed to be “inspirational” or something! (How narcissistic is that?) Sometimes I do feel like there’s this certain “image” I’m supposed to keep up because the honest truth is, when people tell me I’ve inspired or helped them I do feel validated and even “important” to some extent! I don’t do this all the time, obviously (there are plenty of negative, depressing posts here), but sometimes not wanting to be seen as “negative” gets me away from my true goal in blogging, which is using my ability to write as an…

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About luckyotter

This blog is my journal. I just choose to share it with the world instead of keeping everything inside my head. I'm a recovering Borderline and have also struggled with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I also have Complex PTSD due to having been the victim of narcissistic abuse for most of my life. I write mostly about narcissism, because I was the child of a narcissistic mother, and then married to a sociopathic malignant narcissist for 20 years. But there's a silver lining too. In some ways they taught me about myself. This blog is about all that. Not all my articles will be about NPD, BPD or other personality disorders or mental conditions. I pretty much write about whatever's on my mind at the moment. So there's something for everyone here. Blogging about stuff is crack for my soul. It's self therapy, and hopefully my insights and observations may help others too.
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3 Responses to Clarity (or, through a glass, darkly).

  1. Wolfgirl says:

    It sounds like a breakthrough to me 🙂 I hope you can make it through this fog. That last picture in your post somehow filled me with hope and happiness; for a second it was like I could smell the breeze and feel the sun. I pray it can be like that for you every day.

    We happy people, well-adjusted people, we take our happiness for granted. I’m starting to realize this, reading your blog, that I’ve always just sort of taken happiness as the default state – that when I feel sad or angry, I’m supposed to get back to feeling happy, and that sort of drives me through it. But I’m seeing that there are people for whom happiness is *not* normal, who cannot take it for granted, and that is eye-opening and very humbling.

    So thank you for this post, and don’t be afraid of the negativity. It’s catharsis, it’s healing, and, for people like me who have never had to go through something like this, it’s kind of a breath of fresh reality – brings me back to the fact that I’m *lucky*. I think I know what you mean about being scared to post negative stuff, though, and it doesn’t seem narcissistic to me, more as if you feel you have a duty to your readers to make them feel better. If that’s narcissism, it’s a nice kind of narcissism, not wanting to get anyone down.

    So, once again, thank you for this post, and I pray that you can get back to joy soon. It is real, it is worth it, and it’s nothing to be afraid of. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      Wolfgirl, your sweet and compassionate thoughts brought tears to my eyes (a lot of things are doing that!). It makes me feel better about writing the kinds of things I write about here. Many blessings!


      • Wolfgirl says:

        Oh, I’m glad I could help :,) And the tears are a good sign, I think – sometimes it hurts more because you can’t cry. Many blessings to you and yours as well!

        Liked by 1 person

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