Sometimes you can actually see what happens to a narcissistic abuser when they alienate everyone and have nothing left.
My MN ex has effectively alienated not only his ex wife (me), but also both his children. He has no other living family (and his deceased mother was also a malignant narcissist). He runs off potential friends the first time they disagree with him and becomes abusive toward them and starts badmouthing them to anyone who will listen, so he has no friends either.
Most of you no I am No Contact with my ex. He finally stopped trying to hoover me and these days does nothing but badmouth me to our children because I am no longer of any use to him. My children are sick of it, and they’re sick of him. My son can see right through his lies and bullshit, and has been able to do so for years. Without his narcissist father in his life, he is doing very well and is reasonably happy. He has supportive friends who serve as a kind of surrogate family to him. He has only a few scars (Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder, including a rather pathological fear of germs) from having been his father’s scapegoat growing up, but is working on that in therapy, as well as his lingering issues with self esteem and depression.
My daughter, who got “rewarded” when she was younger for being the golden child and her father’s flying monkey recruit, is over it–and she’s over her father. Since he had no one left in the family to bully, lie to, steal from, triangulate against, gaslight, and abuse, she became his newest victim and scapegoat! If you’re the golden child of a narcissist, never get too comfortable. They will turn on you in a heartbeat if no other supply is forthcoming or their original scapegoats defect. You, too, are merely an object for them to feed off of so their false self doesn’t fall to pieces.
There have been two incidents lately that made her finally wake up to the truth about him. About a month ago, he stole her entire savings–almost $300, that she’d been so proud of and diligently adding to for over three months. He not only lied to her about the theft, he tried to blame ME and suggest I might have taken it. Even her tears didn’t move him–his own DAUGHTER’s tears, and he continued to deny that he had taken it and told her she was overreacting.
A week ago he broke into her car at work (somehow he got a spare key) and stole more money and some of her prescription medicine she takes for anxiety. She was always too trusting of him–and she’s too trusting in general. She tends to be codependent, the way I used to be. But now she knows her father isn’t a loving person who will support her; he is treacherous and has zero conscience or empathy. Like everyone else, she’s just an object to him. This was a hard and painful truth for her to realize, and she hasn’t spoken to him since this incident. Although she’s not officially No Contact, she is taking No Contact actions by not having anything to do with him. She does love her father, but she is starting to realize he never loved her, or anyone, because he’s not capable of it. She knows it’s nothing she did; it’s because he is very sick.
Now he has no one left and still lives with my daughter’s ex boyfriend because he can use him too and he’s too lazy to look for a place of his own. The ex boyfriend (who is still friends with my daughter) is tiring of his mind-games and his constant demands too and never talks to him anymore, even though they are living in the same house. He thinks the way he treats his own children is appalling. He continues to allow him to live there, because he helps with the bills in exchange for the room, but he doesn’t like him and barely talks to him at all.
The strain is showing. My MN ex is beginning to lose his mind (whatever was left of it). My daughter’s ex tells us he is acting more and more erratic and bizarre, talking about things that make no sense that sometimes sounds like the word salad some schizophrenics are known for. He threatens suicide all the time and spends his days and nights abusing random people on Facebook and trolling political websites, abusing and bullying the people he finds there. He’s unemployable. Even if he could find work, no one would hire him. He not only acts insane, he looks it too. He never bathes and dresses strangely or barely at all. And so he just sits in his room all day, never coming out except to eat or use the bathroom.
My ex is an example of a malignant narcissist who has no supply left to inflate his false self–no family, no friends, no job, no recognition of any kind, ill heath, and he’s losing his looks with age and both mental and physical illness–and now he’s completely losing his mind. He’s unrecognizable from the charming, handsome, ambitious, and charismatic person I met in 1985. He doesn’t even try to hide his malignancy behind a “nice” mask anymore. He’s openly mean, nasty and negative. He appears to have completely lost any soul he might once have had and now he’s batshit crazy to boot. Soon he will probably need to be housed in a mental institution, if he doesn’t take his own life first.
He’s a perfect example of a narcissist way too far up the NPD/ASPD spectrum to ever admit he needs help or realize that he has sabotaged himself by running off everyone, including his own family, with his repellent personality and refusal to accept any responsibility or blame for the pain he has caused them. He still constantly projects his own malignant narcissism onto the people he was supposed to love but never could. I don’t see this man ever becoming so beaten down he would go into therapy to try to understand what his own role in this might have been. He denies he is a narcissist and always will. He has zero self awareness and always will. If he ever “hits bottom” (which he’s really close to now), all I see him doing is committing suicide. He’d be too proud to humble himself and willingly renounce his ways. He’d rather die than do that.
I don’t exactly enjoy seeing his deterioration, but a part of me can’t help but think it’s all due to his choices and refusal to take any kind of responsibility and that he’s just finally getting what he deserves.