This is what’s going on with me now.    Comments are disabled here; please leave comments under the original post.

Down the Rabbit Hole

Credit: School of Counseling

I’m regressing. It’s probably paradoxical, because psychological regression often comes before a breakthrough to more emotional freedom. As I prepare to dive into the dark abyss that lies in the center of me, ghosts of my past rise up from it to torment me. I know these ghosts which seem so sinister are nothing more than paper tigers, but I’m still so afraid.

Today the rage I was feeling for the past few days has lessened, but has been replaced with something that feels much worse–paranoia.

My terror of abandonment and rejection (and then having to face the emptiness I’ve carried for so long but tried to not feel) was been triggered in a major way a week ago. This is manifesting in me as hypervigilance, insecurity, and suspicion of others, even those few (and I mean few!) people I normally trust with my life. I…

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About luckyotter

This blog is my journal. I just choose to share it with the world instead of keeping everything inside my head. I'm a recovering Borderline and have also struggled with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I also have Complex PTSD due to having been the victim of narcissistic abuse for most of my life. I write mostly about narcissism, because I was the child of a narcissistic mother, and then married to a sociopathic malignant narcissist for 20 years. But there's a silver lining too. In some ways they taught me about myself. This blog is about all that. Not all my articles will be about NPD, BPD or other personality disorders or mental conditions. I pretty much write about whatever's on my mind at the moment. So there's something for everyone here. Blogging about stuff is crack for my soul. It's self therapy, and hopefully my insights and observations may help others too.
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