This is what’s going on with me now. Comments are disabled here; please leave comments under the original post.
I’m regressing. It’s probably paradoxical, because psychological regression often comes before a breakthrough to more emotional freedom. As I prepare to dive into the dark abyss that lies in the center of me, ghosts of my past rise up from it to torment me. I know these ghosts which seem so sinister are nothing more than paper tigers, but I’m still so afraid.
Today the rage I was feeling for the past few days has lessened, but has been replaced with something that feels much worse–paranoia.
My terror of abandonment and rejection (and then having to face the emptiness I’ve carried for so long but tried to not feel) was been triggered in a major way a week ago. This is manifesting in me as hypervigilance, insecurity, and suspicion of others, even those few (and I mean few!) people I normally trust with my life. I…
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