How Covert Narcissists Brainwash Their Victim (SpartanLifeCoach)

The most dangerous thing about covert narcissists is they seem like anything but narcissists, but they are masters of manipulation, deflection, and projection. If you challenge their actions, they will turn the tables on you, and act like YOU are victimizing THEM. You’ll think you are going insane–and you might go insane.

I’m dealing with someone right now who may be a covert narcissist.   The crazy thing is that this person is telling me I’m the abusive one.  They are making me worry all over again that I might in fact be the narcissist.   They’re making me feel guilty by tearfully telling me how hurt they are over something that happened ages ago.   But who’s going to suspect such an “innocent” and “vulnerable” soul of abuse, especially when they are wiping away crocodile tears?

I doubt I’m the abusive one though, because there’s a difference between them and me:  I can admit when I’ve been wrong. I can also feel sorry when I know I’ve been wrong.    In this particular case, even though I know I wasn’t wrong, I apologized anyway to keep the peace.  I just want it to be over already but apparently they do not.   It seems to me that they are still trying to get a rise out of me over something I thought was long-forgotten.  But narcissists never forget and never forgive, and will use old transgressions (or imaginary transgressions) against you until the day they die, if they can.

When a covert narcissist starts acting all butt-hurt and accusing you of abusing them, you start to question your reality (and your sanity).  You feel like you’re living in a hall of funhouse mirrors when they are telling you that up is down and white is black and you are the abuser when in fact they are abusing you.   I’m very glad I’m not that close with this individual or I’d probably be in the psych ward by now.


6 thoughts on “How Covert Narcissists Brainwash Their Victim (SpartanLifeCoach)

  1. Yeah…I feel your pain. I’ve had the bad luck of interacting with quite a few of them. Try to keep in mind that they are masters of projection and the problem is always someone else.

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  2. It is really really disorienting when someone claims you are victimizing them somehow and you are not. If it was true you could think “yeah’ I’m rude or demanding” and change. You could pinpoint something and work to resolve an issue. But because its a fake issue designed to pump up false guilt it only brings shame.
    2 years ago I had a run in with a women that was part of a professional group I was in I was trying to network to find a job, she considered herself a sort of gatekeeper of the profession and in all sorts of passive aggressive ways made me feel unwelcome. I met her perhaps 3 times, had almost nothing to do with her and then out of the blue she launched a facebook and email attack claiming that I’d made her my emotional punching bag, I was astonished.

    She unfriended me, blocked me and erased me in every possible way from the group. A mutual friend confronted me that I’d been unkind and demanding and offensive. I wracked my brain,I apologized when in fact there was not one instance of those accusations that were true. She harmed me professionally too as I noted anyone that was a friend of hers when I met them exuded hostility.

    Later, after laying my face in the dust to make things right, and trying to sincerely rectified some behavior I wasn’t aware of, I understood I never had anything to apologize for I didn’t do a thing she accused me of. It was gaslighting in fact It was devastating to spend my life recovering from true, narcissistic abuse then to be accused of emotionally abusing someone that I barely knew. We met 3 times in a formal group with almost no personal interaction.yet her flying monkeys all chose to believe her made up story, I thought I was going to lose my mind by the time she was done wrecking my reputation.

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