P.O’d.

pissed_off

I guess I’m feeling like a victim today.  Both this and my last post are all about me wallowing in self-pity.   Eh, I’ll get over it but I need to vent.   This will be short though.

After that out of the blue attack on my character on another blog a few days ago, I told myself I wouldn’t let it get me down.  I told myself I’ve grown a lot and have a lot more courage than I did a year ago, the last time this happened.   I told myself that as a blogger, I need to grow some balls and accept the fact that I will have haters.

I lied I guess, because for the past couple of days, I just haven’t felt like posting, at least not anything too personal.    My loss of motivation has everything to do with this vicious and unwarranted attack on me.  I set my other blog (Down the Rabbit Hole, which is more personal in nature than this one and was the source of the post that was used against me) to private and will probably keep it that way for awhile; I have no idea for how long.   Because it’s so personal I don’t have the courage yet to make it public again right away.

This pisses me off–a lot.  How dare this hypocritical person take away the one thing that keeps me going?  How dare this horrible individual make me set my writings to private and make me feel the toxic shame all over again? And anyway, shame for WHAT?  For writing a post that made me seem TOO VULNERABLE?  Why should that be shameful?  It isn’t, of course, but my programming tells me it is, and I got triggered.

I know it’s my own choice to inhibit myself and set blogs to private, and really, this narcissistic person can’t do much other than continue to post negative stuff about me on their blog.   If I don’t look, I won’t be hurt or angered–and I haven’t looked.   A year ago, I would have *had* to look, so one way I’ve changed is I’m able to resist the temptation to see what the haters are saying.  I never used to be able to do that.

I know this will be the topic in therapy the next time I go.  I still let narcs get to me way too much.   I still have such a long way to go.

The picture of the wolf head at the beginning of this post, I find inexplicably hilarious.   Laughter is always great medicine!   Thank God for my sense of humor.

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About luckyotter

This blog is my journal. I just choose to share it with the world instead of keeping everything inside my head. I'm a recovering Borderline and have also struggled with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I also have Complex PTSD due to having been the victim of narcissistic abuse for most of my life. I write mostly about narcissism, because I was the child of a narcissistic mother, and then married to a sociopathic malignant narcissist for 20 years. But there's a silver lining too. In some ways they taught me about myself. This blog is about all that. Not all my articles will be about NPD, BPD or other personality disorders or mental conditions. I pretty much write about whatever's on my mind at the moment. So there's something for everyone here. Blogging about stuff is crack for my soul. It's self therapy, and hopefully my insights and observations may help others too.
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17 Responses to P.O’d.

  1. Lucky, I do know what you are saying and going through. I had a really good gig going for myself online a few years back and something similar happened.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Bradley says:

    Plain and simple – it sucks. I have no idea what the person said or did to make you lock your other blog, but I think I do understand. I love the wolf head too, btw

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      Yeah, in my post I compared my inner child self with one of those tacky big-eyed kids from the 1960’s paintings, because that’s what I sometimes imagine her to look like. This blogger (who runs an anti-narcissism blog, LMAO!) posted a picture of some demonic creatures and said that’s what was really beneath the “big eyes” I described in the post. They didn’t link to this blog, but the message was loud and clear. I didn’t read the comments, which I’m sure were negative, since this person has some blogger friends who don’t like me either. There’s a story behind why I got on their shit list, but it’s too long so I’ll leave it at that.

      Like

  3. katiesdream2004 says:

    It takes a lot of courage to bare soul on line for the sake of helping others and your own growth. The dig at you isn’t because you are selling girl scout cookies and someone doesn’t like the flavor. It’s personal so the attack goes to the core . I took down an entire blog years worth of unsaved writing because of a narcs comments. I regret that. What you have to say is far more valuable then their soulless games. Remember narcs hate it the most when they become invisible to someone they are trying to squeeze some supply out of

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      It’s really scary when the narcissist happen to be anti-narcissism/ACON blogger. Of course, they say the same thing about me too. 🙄
      Yes, it does go to the core. Blogging about this stuff is really getting into deep, dark, personal territory, especially because it ties in with work I’m doing on myself in therapy, which the targeted blog post was about. I don’t think their choosing THAT post was an accident. It was sadistic, pure and simple. How they are so deluded they cannot see their own narcissism boggles the mind.

      Liked by 1 person

      • katiesdream2004 says:

        I think you have been addressing the how they get blind and deluded in some of your writing. Your decision to have some compassion, move toward forgiveness toward the narcissists in your life is what ultimately frees from becoming like them. Someone told me that we become like the thing we hate the most. I’ve been a prisoner of hate and know it is toxic spiritually. I think sometimes people resent it when someone else is becoming free.

        Liked by 1 person

        • luckyotter says:

          I think you are right, Katie. I think it’s easy for the abused to become the abuser, in fact we are vulnerable to that if we’re not careful. Narcissism is born of abuse. It’s why I can’t hate. I pray for people like that. It could have been you or me.
          BTW I’m reading your post about suffering now. It’s amazing! I’ll comment tomorrow though, I’m sleepy.

          Like

  4. nowve666 says:

    You mean Down the Rabbit Hole is not going to be accessible any more? I hope you change your mind. I don’t think you should let them chase you off the blogosphere. I hope you don’t hate me for saying this but I think some of those anti-narcissist bloggers are meaner or at least as mean as the narcs.

    Like

  5. Don’t let the turkeys get you down.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Alex says:

    William Butler Yeats (1865-1939)
    THE SECOND COMING

    Turning and turning in the widening gyre
    The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
    Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
    Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
    The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
    The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
    The best lack all conviction, while the worst
    Are full of passionate intensity.

    Surely some revelation is at hand;
    Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
    The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
    When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
    Troubles my sight: a waste of desert sand;
    A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
    A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
    Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
    Wind shadows of the indignant desert birds.

    The darkness drops again but now I know
    That twenty centuries of stony sleep
    Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
    And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
    Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

    The Second Coming was written in 1919 in the aftermath
    of the first World War. The above version of the poem is
    as it was published in the edition of Michael Robartes and
    the Dancer dated 1920 (there are numerous other
    versions of the poem). The preface and notes in the book
    contain some philosphy attributed to Robartes.
    This printing of the poem has a page break between lines
    17 and 18 making the stanza division unclear. Following
    the two most similar drafts given in the Parkinson and
    Brannen edited edition of the manuscripts, I have put a
    stanza break there. (Interestingly, both of those drafts
    have thirty centuries instead of twenty.) The earlier drafts
    also have references to the French and Irish Revolutions
    as well as to Germany and Russia.

    Several of the lines in the version above differ from those
    found in subsequent versions. In listing it as one of the
    hundred most anthologized poems in the English
    language, the text given by Harmon (1998) has changes
    including: line 13 (“: somewhere in sands of the desert”),
    line 17 (“Reel” instead of “Wind”), and no break
    between the second and third stanza.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Alex says:

    ” the worst are full of passionate intensity..” And all congregating on the World Wide Web no doubt lol.

    Liked by 1 person

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