Free-floating anxiety.

nervous

I’m a nervous wreck today.  I didn’t go to work because of my nerves, and even though I always spend the whole day feeling guilty about staying out of work,  I keep doing it anyway.   I tried to sleep in, but wasn’t able to because the anxiety kept flooding in and making my heart pound.  I finally gave up on trying to sleep.  I got up and tried to identify what was making me so jittery but I just can’t.  Every little noise I hear makes me jump.   I don’t feel like going out or doing anything, but if I stay inside I will go nuts.    I turned off the TV because the news makes me crazy.  I tried to read a book but it’s hard to focus.  Maybe I’ll bake something or just drive somewhere.   I hate this feeling.  I feel like jumping out of my skin.      It helps a little to write about it though.   Usually in the evenings it’s better, so I just have to wait, I guess.

 

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About luckyotter

Recovering from BPD and C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse from childhood. Married to a sociopath for 20 years. Proud INFJ, Enneagram type 4w5. Animal lover, music lover, cat mom, unapologetic geek, fan of the absurd, progressive Catholic, mom to 2, mental illness stigma activist, anti-Trumper. #RESISTANCE
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6 Responses to Free-floating anxiety.

  1. rubycommenting says:

    I think its good that you wrote about it. Its a shame you couldn’t make it into work but if you had to take the day off, then so be it. Also, its good that you tried to think of productive things to do to distract yourself and that you know yourself well enough that it will be better later on in the day. Im wondering what caused your anxiety, like there was a trigger of some kind that you aren’t aware of.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Have you tried taking a walk? Daily walks, is what worked for me two years ago and I had a bad anxiety attack that went on for months.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. adamjasonp says:

    Perhaps all the concern about what is happening in the news is getting to you? After all, you’ve been ranting, and none of us can make much difference regarding the people in power. The psychological effects and vibes out there, particularly on the internet, are getting to some people. You’re not the only one with anxiety or panic. On the other hand, people like me can shut down when taking something personal and nothing seems to help.

    But it’s something to remember that we have more control of our lives at home, even if it doesn’t seem like it.

    Liked by 2 people

    • luckyotter says:

      I feel like I have to at least try to do something about it though, even if “ranting” and attending protests is all I can really do.

      Liked by 2 people

    • For me, managing my own life is enough, I don’t even try to figure out how the government and the rest of the world should be run. I vote, that’s it. The current situation in the White House is so surreal, it’s like a crazy, alternative unreality show… I can’t even wrap my head around it.

      My granddaughter, who is working full time and going to Harvard full time, also marches and protests. Maybe if I were her age, I could do all of that, but not at this point in my life.

      It’s good to see you, adamjasonp, I had lost track of you through my PTSD dissociative episodes. I am undergoing neurofeedback now and my head is a much better space to be in. But even so — politics? Trump?? Current world news events??? Uh, no thanks, I’ll pass…

      Liked by 2 people

      • luckyotter says:

        “a crazy, alternative unreality show” — that’s exactly my take on it! Every day, I feel like I’m watching the biggest, most awful reality show in the history of the world and race home to find out what the latest drama is. It is very surreal. I do think sometimes he thinks he’s still on a reality show — but it’s OUR LIVES he’s messing with. Other times I think he thinks he’s Tony Soprano because he acts exactly like a mob boss.

        Liked by 1 person

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