Tornado magnet.

Stay safe, everyone living in the line of the tornadoes and severe storms that are barrelling though the country right now.

tornadomagnet

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About luckyotter

This blog is my journal. I just choose to share it with the world instead of keeping everything inside my head. I'm a recovering Borderline and have also struggled with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I also have Complex PTSD due to having been the victim of narcissistic abuse for most of my life. I write mostly about narcissism, because I was the child of a narcissistic mother, and then married to a sociopathic malignant narcissist for 20 years. But there's a silver lining too. In some ways they taught me about myself. This blog is about all that. Not all my articles will be about NPD, BPD or other personality disorders or mental conditions. I pretty much write about whatever's on my mind at the moment. So there's something for everyone here. Blogging about stuff is crack for my soul. It's self therapy, and hopefully my insights and observations may help others too.
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3 Responses to Tornado magnet.

  1. stocazzo personality disorder says:

    Hi! I found this website through the “Comparing covert narcissism and BPD” article you wrote. For some reason i can’t comment on there so i hope you don’t mind if i share some thoughts here.
    First of all, nice article, you’re really good! I read a lot of stuff about covert npd but never a good, satisfying one. I don’t know, i feel relieved somehow, i’m probably 100% convinced on what i am now, and i should probably say thanks.
    I made researches by myself (other than being in therapy and on meds) for 7 years now. The problem is, here in Italy they basically don’t recognize the covert npd at all, they barely recognize any cluster b personality disorder actually. Officially, i’m just bipolar. I was diagnosed with apd and bpd too, but that didn’t make any sense to me. I’m shy, i have bad anxiety issues (at least when i’m not sure of my position – whit strangers mostly – then i switch), but it’s not just that, my anxiety triggers in a more complex way. It’s like i can’t do anything productive because i could find out that i’m not able to, so i get anxious and i don’t do anything – this happens a lot, even when alone. I fantasize about big projects, i have a lot – a lot – of ideas, but i rarely start realizing one and even so, i don’t finish it. That’s why i dropped school. Not because of social anxiety or depression. Also i’m definitely not borderline. I’m cold, i never act on impulse, i never expose my emotions, and i know people with bdp, we’re so different, i know how abusive i am with people around me, how good i am at manipulating them, and let’s say i’m sadistic, in a psychological, not very much physical, way. I know this about me. I know i don’t feel any regret, i just don’t know what it is, and so on, you know good about NPD.
    But what really caught me is that you’re ANOTHE bdp who had probably a twisted relation with ANOTHER npd. That’s a pattern, always the same pattern, just look around you and see how many people fall for this. *Every* girlfriend i had, *every* lover i had, was bpd. And i didn’t know, i didn’t pick them up in a clinic. I just fall in love with them naturally, so easily, and the same happens with them falling in love with me (by the way: why you think that happens? I mean, i know how i do seduce girls but i really don’t know how they seduce me – in all honesty and without any bad intention i also feel a bit attracted to you by just reading, which is mental) The crazy thing is that the moment in which i realize that, i always say everything to them, i try to explain, i say “you’ll probably suffer if you stay with me, i’m not the person you think i am, i am 100% sure you will hate me some day, even if i love you i will use you and manipulate you without even knowing” and since they see all that honesty they think i cannot be bad, after all i get so worried about their happiness, i must be the most caring people they met in their life. It’s true, i worry and i want to take care of them, but that doesn’t stop me from doing what i normally would do. And the cycle repeats. I get bored, they get dependent, and you’re probably familiar with what happens next. And when i think of it, i know that i’m being honest *for myself*, because yes i do care i’m not a sociopath, but it’s all about making a good impression. It’s a bit of a paradox, a double mask like you said. You’re saying the truth but you’re lying in your intentions. Or, to say it in another way, you’re hiding a lie under another lie – which happens to be the truth. Complicated? Yet it feels natural to me, and i could say i feel scared abour myself but it’s not true, i’m proud of it. In our defense tho, i should say that both the bpd and the npd are victims, and i honestly get angry sometimes, because i feel like we’re always the only part that’s blamed, because it’s the exposed one. Think about it. The npd is the one who “stays in charge”, he/she’s the one who control the relation, the bdp wants that, because he/she’s needy, and that’s also why they complete each other so well. Also, i do have feelings like every other human being, probably i feel even more, and i really hate to be treated like a total asshole.
    Well, i could write for another two hours but wow, i’m sorry, i didn’t know i would’ve written so much, i tend to talk to much 😀
    Hope you’ll read this. Thanks.

    Like

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