Is it okay to say no?

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other_peoples_kids

I have a dilemma.

I am still living with my annoying narcissistic roommate. Actually, over time I came to the conclusion she is really just annoying, not all that narcissistic. Things have improved. She has gotten much better at respecting my boundaries and pays her rent on time and doesn’t invite crackheads over to the house, so there’s no reason to make her leave (although I would much prefer to not have to have any roommate at all).

But a problem arose last night. She has two granddaughters, ages 4 and 6, she hasn’t seen in two years. I know she misses them terribly. She talks to them on Skype all the time and cries every time she does, so I know seeing them is very important to her.

When I came home yesterday, she said she had something to tell me. She told me in a month she has invited them here for two days.

First of all, I was a little irked that she didn’t discuss this with me first, and just assumed it would be okay to have them come stay here. I regard this as a huge boundary invasion but at the same time I understand she feels it’s the only way she can see them. She cannot afford to travel to Florida where they currently live.
But there are a few problems.

1. I don’t like other people’s kids. Okay, there, I said. it. Of course I adored my own when they were little (and would adore my own grandchildren, when and if I ever have any). But other people’s kids, not so much.

2. The house is tiny. I live in the bottom level of a duplex, and there are only two bedrooms, one bathroom, an outdated kitchen, a small living room and a covered porch. Four people sharing one bathroom, including two little girls? I’m not looking forward to that prospect. At all.

3. There is absolutely nothing for them to do. I don’t even have TV (cable is too expensive) and there is nothing in this house that would interest children except for the 3 cats and maybe playing on the trampoline in the yard my upstairs neighbor uses for his kids when they visit.

4. My roommate stupidly sold her car for $150 several months back and has no means of transportation, so she cannot take the kids anywhere fun. There are no activities in the immediate area and no easy access to a bus line. I am not willing or able to chauffer them all around town either.

So, we are dealing with a situation where two young children would be stuck in a tiny house for two days with nothing to do and someone (me) who doesn’t want them here.

I appealed to my daughter (who is living in a larger 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom ranch house with her boyfriend who owns the house) and is closer to town and a bus line. They also have our dog, Dexter, who loves children. They also have a big screen television and the rooms are big enough for the kids to run around in. She knows my roommate so I thought this might be an option. She said no. I don’t blame her.

I suggested to my roommate she stay at the local Motel 6 with the girls. I have stayed there and it’s cheap, clean, and has a swimming pool. it’s also close to restaurants and movies. My roommate said no.

I can’t think of any other options. I hate to tell her she can’t have them here because I know how much it means for her to see them, but I really am dreading the idea of them staying here and being bored out of their minds.

Am I being heartless and selfish if I tell her they can’t come? Is it outrageous of her to expect me to accommodate them here? I have run out of options. What should I do?

28 thoughts on “Is it okay to say no?”

  1. I think it’s quite a lot for someone to ask you to share a room with people you didn’t agree to share with, even for a short length of time: It’s not like you have any space for yourself away from them. It is worse that she didn’t even ask and they are young children. I think most people would be annoyed. I’m glad it’s only two days.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I will not advise you either way but I will make a couple of observations:

    First – are you prepared to accept the consequences of either saying yes or no? Second – If the roles were reversed…what would be your expectations?

    Liked by 3 people

    • If she was renting to me, and the space was as small, I would at least ask first. If the answer was no, I’d make plans to go to a motel or find another way to see them.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. This is a tough one. Have you asked her what she plans on doing w her grandkids in such a small space and no transportation? What about the kids’ parents? Maybe the kids can stay w their parents in a nearby hotel and your roomie and kids/grandkids can go out to the park/free concerts/etc. away from the home?

    Liked by 2 people

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