The chilling mental landscape of a high spectrum narcissist or psychopath

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I read this chilling post from a man who says he is a narcissist. Based on his description of what it’s like to be him, I would say “narcissist” is probably an understatement. My guess is he’s a very malignant (high spectrum) narcissist and a probable psychopath. Most people with NPD do have emotions, but can’t access them easily or only feel emotions when they pertain to themselves. When someone claims to have no emotions at all, that indicates psychopathy to me. This man could also be “suffering” from Schizoid Personality Disorder, another disorder where the “sufferer” feels nothing–or he may have a combination of psychopathy and SPD. It’s scary and sad to read something like this. It’s as if some people have lost every shred of humanity and seem to have no soul. They are reptilian. At least this writer is self aware though, so I guess that’s something. (Post has been edited for brevity).

Certain passages in this post would make me suspect Aspergers (social awkardness, etc.) but Aspies do have emotions and empathy, even if they don’t always express them well or at all, so I’m suspecting this man has Schizoid PD mixed with psychopathy/malignant narcissism.

Also striking are the dissociative episodes and feelings of unreality this man claims to experience. I have seen these sort of near-psychotic behaviors (talking to himself in public, strange expressions on his face, etc.) in most of the malignant narcissists and psychopaths I have known. These people are so deluded they really aren’t in touch with reality at all. They live in a barren, hellish dreamworld of their own making.

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[…]I just discovered that I’ve had pathological NPD for most my life. Reading this […]has been both very frightening and a major relief. […] It’s a relief to know that many of the strange decisions I’ve made were not entirely my fault. [This material] has completely changed how I view my past. It’s like I was in a dark room and then someone finally turned the light on.

For several years, I would occasionally wake up in the early morning with a feeling that something was very wrong. I couldn’t explain the feeling but it was similar to guilt. But I couldn’t pinpoint what I had done to feel so guilty about. This has been clarified […] along with everything else about my strange life. Everyone posting on this site describes the Narcissisist as a monster, which I agree with, but it’s also a horrible disorder to have.

[…]There’s so much I want to say, but it would turn into a novel about as long as the book itself. I’m a male in my 30’s and fit every characteristic of someone with pathological NPD.

I have no emotions. When my Father left our family to fend for ourselves, I felt nothing. When my Grandmother died, I felt nothing. When I witnessed my roommate seriously injure his neck, I felt nothing at all. These events were only slightly negative, as if someone had dropped and broken a dish.

I have technical degrees from elite universities which makes it easy for me to secure employment, but when I’m at work, I hardly do anything at all because I can’t concentrate for more than a couple minutes at a time. I’m constantly day dreaming and people notice that I have strange expressions on my face when I’m supposed to be working or paying attention to a lecture. I constantly talk to myself, but I’m not sure if that’s a characteristic of NPD.

I have no social skills and am socially inept. As far as personality goes, I wouldn’t even say its a poor one, more accurate would be to say it’s nonexistent. I don’t greet anyone unless they greet me first. If someone asks “How are you?”, my reply is “Fine” and that’s about as far as the conversation goes. I can feel myself creating hatred where I work by ignoring social norms, but I don’t care how much people hate me. I feel like I’m a plague that creates pain and destruction where ever I go, and I like it. I have no friends except the ones from childhood, but I don’t feel I need them anyway. I’m more comfortable just sitting at home and playing on the Internet.

As far as looks go, I’m a 10, which makes me a somatic narcissist. I often get compared to male celebrities and women often audibly gasp when I enter a room for the first time. I’m in my 30’s but everyone assumes I’m in my 20’s. Despite this, I haven’t had a relationship with a woman my entire life (being a devout catholic when I was younger also had an influence on this). Through techniques I’ve learned from the pickup manuals available on the Internet, and by dressing fashionably, I’m able to create a huge amount of initial attraction from women. This has kept me in school much longer than necessary since there’s a huge amount of narcissistic supply in a school environment, especially in classes with many women. Despite this huge initial attraction, I always reject the (very attractive) women when they come after me, which only increases their attraction to me. I justify rejecting them by telling myself “when they see what my personality is like, they would just reject me anyway”, which is probably true considering my social ineptness. However, sometimes I will talk to a girl a few times and she still hasn’t rejected me despite my personality. At this point, I would reject her, and have no idea why I rejected her. I now know it’s due to EPIM (emotional involvement prevention disorder). It’s ironic, I’m the guy every woman in the school wants to be with, but I don’t even have a girlfriend.

I feel completely omnipotent. I will make long eye contact with girls right in front of their boyfriends, even if their boyfriends look like bodybuilders. I can hold my own in a fight with most anyone, but even if a guy is twice my size, I have no fear. I will try to seduce women who I know are engaged just to make them feel pain. I have no empathy so I don’t care about their pain and actually enjoy it. When women look at me in class and try to get me to look back, I will ignore them just to humiliate them in front of the class. Or if an attractive woman is trying to make eye contact with me, I’ll pretend I’m interested in a less attractive girl. Needless to say, I hate women. However, I also badly want to have a girlfriend. I feel this is one of the many conflicting states of the narcissist […].

Not having emotions is a powerful tool in attracting women because women are attracted to guys who don’t want them. Women want what they can’t have. It’s easy for me to play hard to get and I can easily outlast a woman who’s playing hard to get, which most men can’t do. I know I’ll never actually be able to have a relationship with these women, so it doesn’t bother me if a semester ends without having pursued a relationship. So I have many “victims” from my school years, but the biggest victim is myself since I’ve spent years upon years alone.

[…] I see women as predators who are only interested in draining a man of his money while offering as little as she can get away with in return. After the man has been consumed, he is decapitated (divorced) while she runs off with another man. I’m not sure if this view is due to NPD or what I’ve seen my friends (colleagues) go through. There is a book called “The Predatory Female” that probably helped cement this view. I’ve also noticed that in times when I’ve had no money, I didn’t exist to women.

I now realize I quit my previous well-paying job due to a lack of narcissistic supply. A somatic narcissist needs attention from women, and they were pretty much non-existent where I worked. The most abundant place for narcissistic supply is a university, and after receiving a degree, the cerebral narcissist can receive more NS because of it.

When I saw the movie Batman “The Dark Knight”, I was intrigued by the character of the Joker. He had no fear, didn’t care about anything (even money), and caused havoc ever where he went. His actions made no sense and he was unpredictable, but he wasn’t stupid. He was omnipotent because he didn’t care if he was caught, or if he was killed, and was capable of doing anything. He had no empathy caused havoc for the fun of it.

My mentality is very simple and childlike and I don’t like speaking with other adults. If someone spoke with me for 10 minutes, they would think I’m a normal person, but it’s just a matter of time before I say something factual but very insensitive, which causes the person to hate me. The only emotions I feel are jealousy and rage. When I see a guy with an attractive women, I want to attack him and have daydreams of attacking him while the woman watches in horror.

[…] the chance for healing from NPD is bleak. Even if I were to get into a relationship with a woman, I would probably just cause her a lot of pain before dumping her when she’s no longer a source of NS.

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20 thoughts on “The chilling mental landscape of a high spectrum narcissist or psychopath

  1. I remember reading the full text of this somewhere… maybe as a book review? It’s creepy and sad.Reminds me of a couple of people I have known.

    Did you leave the part out about this guy feeling like everything is unreal? I seem to remember that being in there, but maybe not. That’s the only thing I can relate to — when I am especially stressed, nothing seems real, including myself. My doctor told me this is a common symptom with Complex PTSD.

    I wonder how someone like this man would score on the Myers-Briggs Personality test.

    Liked by 1 person

    • No, the only parts I left out were the parts that reviewed the book (you were right about it being a review on Amazon) because they were irrelevent. But I agree, it is extremely chilling and very creepy that there are people like this who walk among us–who don’t feel anything at all. They are like machines or something.

      Liked by 1 person

      • My loved one who had the two year relationship with a narcissistic bank director was fascinated by his machine-like mind and lack of emotions. She wanted to help him, to love him out of it. Doesn’t work, of course. These types seem to be stuck on frozen and nothing can thaw them out.

        Liked by 3 people

  2. Oh look, it’s my ex… Or it certainly could be. The thing that always makes me fuming mad about these devastating people is that they always make themselves out to be the most hard-done-to… Yet another hook to get into their next source of supply. The good thing is, you put this here and we can all read it and understand what to look for, and what to avoid. X

    Liked by 2 people

    • I agree, Stark, it’s great that Lucky posted this here so we will recognize these early warning signs the next time we come across a person like this.

      For most of my life I had no clue of why I kept getting involved with people who started out wonderful, then turned meaner than snakes. I had no self-esteem, so I believed the haters who said that the common denominator was me, so there had to be something seriously wrong with me that brought out the worst in people. It took some good therapy and reading a ton of relationship books to unlearn all the wrong things and finally learn the right things.

      Basically, I was a magnet for users and abusers because I was so empathetic and eager to please. Too forgiving, too prone to believe the best about people and to give others the benefit of the doubt. Too quick to blame myself, too quick to apologize, too willing to give up my wants and needs to keep the peace. I was starved for love, so I was easy pickings for the love bombers. Then, when their masks came down and their love was gone, I was too willing to do whatever they wanted me to do, to win back their “love.”

      Funny thing, I met the man who is now my best friend husband when I was just beginning to get some healthy self-esteem. He wasn’t anything like the kind of man I had always been attracted to, and I thought at first that he was really boring. Where were the sparks, the fireworks, the skyrockets, the trembling, palpitating heart?

      It took me awhile to figure out that all those things I had called “chemistry” and “attraction” and “true love” were actually symptoms of the extreme anxiety you get when you are walking on egg shells!!

      Liked by 3 people

      • That’s interesting, Alaina. Because I have always had the same problem. I too used to believe I got abused because of some inherent defect that made me unlovable/deserving of abuse. It’s been something of a relief to realize that people like us (forgiving, quick to apologize, etc.) are easily used and taken advantage of, and ATTRACT these human predators.
        Next time I feel that immediate attraction to a man, I won’t heed it. because every single man I’ve “fallen in love” with has turned out to be a narcissist, psychopath or extremely toxic and manipulative person. If I’m “bored” I will give him a chance, and just see what happens.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Alaina, you could be telling my story! I was confused when I met J as well- I wasn’t used to the feeling of not having to walk on eggshells so I thought we had no chemistry… how wrong I was. I understand. We are both empathetic and would have done anything for the people who hurt us. Times have changed and so have we- thankfully, we’re in a better place now. x

        Liked by 1 person

  3. II am reading an article written by a Psychopath right now. Its interesting because it says that the earliest learned manipulation that takes place in a Psychopaths life is when they learn to mimic emotions. They have to mimic them at a young age and lie about there emotions because they will receive punishment if they fail to show emotions in situations that warrant emotions. So with this to consider… They learn to manipulate and survive in their youth and it makes sense that they would continue to lie and manipulate because it is the only way they can blend in with others.

    If a Psychopath could be recognized in their youth…maybe they could be taught that its OK to not feel, if their not wired to feel.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. wow; I was watching ‘The Nightcrawler’ starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Rene Russo. This tone and mechanism of narcissism, is layered thick in the movie. I also wondered; why is Machiavellianism side tracked?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is a description of a severely sociopathic individual, not a narcissistic individual. Narcissistic individuals do have some positive emotional investment in others, even if it is childlike and primitive, but this type of person apparently doesn’t, which is scary.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. A look into the face of hell…

    It’s a rare Norm that gets within smelling distance of this, even if *lots* of ’em come across as ‘callous and unemotional’ to me – as if they don’t care about much if it’s not someone or something that touches them directly.

    Otherwise, moral disengagement is present to some degree some of the time. This person, though – the separation is ***so*** great that this fellow might have a self-concept that looks like ‘I AM the God – and I do what I will!’

    Ugh… want to stay clear of this one. Sounds dangerous.

    Liked by 1 person

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