My daughter just made me cry.

rowan_me
Molly and me in the car in April 2014. I was 2 months No Contact with my MN ex by then.

My daughter Molly got home from visiting some friends, and admitted that she had come across my blog back in December and read the article about her where I said I thought she was a malignant narcissist (I think I was mistaken about that).

I thought she’d be angry, but instead she told me that although it hurt her feelings, it was a wake up call too, and because of that article, she started to rethink some of her past behaviors. She had time to do that during her 30 day stint in jail too.

Then she actually thanked me. She said, “Mom, even though I was so hurt you thought I was a narcissist, I started to think you were right and realized I do act very narcissistic sometimes, especially when I was doing pain pills (she hasn’t done pills in over a month). I want to say thank you, because I know you would never have written that if you didn’t love me.”

It gets even better.

She continued, “You’re different now, Mom. You seem so much happier now. I’ve read some of your other blog posts and I have to say I really admire you, Mom, for being so honest about everything. I think you’re so brave to be doing that and it’s doing good things for you. I could never do what you’re doing. I really want to change, Mom. I want you to be as proud of me as I am right now of you.”

me_chatting
She took this with her phone while we were talking. I wasn’t crying yet lol.

And then she came over to hug me and we were both crying.

For the record, the article I linked to describes something that wasn’t true. She had a brief relationship with a narc who lied to me about her doing hard drugs and because he gave such a good impression (this guy was a skilled psychopath who could sell ice to a penguin), had me believing him. It turned out everything he said to me was a lie. I wrote about that too, but it isn’t a long post (and actually replaced another one which I deleted).

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26 thoughts on “My daughter just made me cry.

  1. That sounds wonderful. I’m so happy things are working out for you both. I remember reading the past stuff about that guy, and that was tough time.

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      • I was wondering, if at some time, you wouldn’t mind posting about him. Just if you are looking for ideas. I’m just thinking it would be helpful for our ACON ladies who need help from abusive relationships. Some of the men are so charming, they get past our “spidey senses” so I feel this would be of tremendous value.

        But only if you can or want to. This is just a request, and only once you and your daughter are past the hurts he caused.

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  2. Is the guy you’re referring to who was lying about your daughter’s involvement in heavy drugs the dude that was like a generation older than her?

    Did you take the link down to the article you reference in the first paragraph? I probably read it, but was just wondering. And where is the article you refer to at the end? I’d like to read it if that’s ok.

    Oh and good for you and your daughter. I’m really happy for you. 🙂

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    • He was smoking crack, which is easy to hide because it doesnt smell that much and a person can still act sort of normal when high on crack. He seemed to have a hair-trigger temper though, which is common in both crackheads (I’ve known a few and they’re all quick to rage) and narcs.

      Here we have a crackhead narc, a ticking time bomb. My daughter knew about the crack, but because he continued to give such a nice, mature, intelligent impression (the guy was very intelligent) no one believed her (because she’s had a history of drug use) ; the weird behavior she displayed at his house on Christmas wasn’t her on drugs (which he said it was), it was her just being depressed and having panic attacks (another thing she suffers from) because of all the mental and borderline physical abuse (he would threaten but didn’t actually hit her) she was undergoing while she lived with him. I felt so horrible when I realized I’d been turned into a flying monkey against my own kid, who was definitely the victim.
      Maybe it was some kind of weird karma, because when she was younger those roles were reversed: she’d been used by my ex as a junior flying monkey against me.
      The talk we had cleared everything up.

      When I look back at things now, I realize there was something a little “off” about him that I couldn’t put my finger on. He seemed perfect: older (38 and mature), good job as a med tech, nice home in a nice neighborhood, good looking, and very nice and friendly. What’s a mom not to love? He told me he loved my daughter — this was 3 weeks after they met. He was moving so fast. She wasn’t comfortable with moving that fast but played along partly because she didn’t want to disappoint me (Hell, I wanted to date him myself!)

      But there were so many red flags we both chose to ignore. And I say chose because I did see them. I’ll get into all those in my next post.

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      • Wow! I was kind of waiting for this to unravel. I didn’t expect to hear he was a drug user but I had my suspicions the very first post you wrote about him. But I was afraid to say anything. I mean who am I but some a picture of a big blue bird on a a computer screen??

        I’m kind of taken aback about kind of ‘knowing’ though…if you will. I’m a bit stunned at myself for picking up on it.

        I thought all that same stuff you just wrote above…moving too fast, your response to him…the way you gushed about him so soon into meeting him, and the AGE…the fact that he is so much older alarmed me from out of the gate. Glad you guys straightened that mess out.

        Watch out and heed those flags.

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        • She has to make her own choices, but if there’s a next time (and there probably will be) if I see red flags I’ll warn her. Regardless of how charming or impressive he is. She can heed those or not, but she saw the red flags too. She’s pretty observant and intuitive herself.

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        • I did think it was very odd that he was 16 years older than her (she’ll be 22 in April) but rationalized that at least it wasn’t some 22 or 23 year old jobless basement dweller playing video games and smoking pot all day (like a couple of her exes were like). I thought he was too old, but thought that might be a good thing.

          It would have been fine had he not been a predator. He was actually telling her he wanted her to have his baby! A month after they met. He has two kids right now, ages 9 and 2, he never sees and isn’t allowed to see. He also came to North Carolina suddenly, with no plan. He said some people in Florida (where he moved from) were stalking him. Another red flag. And all he talks about is his son all the time but his baby daughter–it’s as if she doesn’t exist to him. (They had two different mothers). He is apparently not on good terms with either of them.

          Also, when he took my daughter down to Florida in November, they stayed two days and made the rounds visiting all HIS friends and family (and making “secret” trips where my daughter would be told to stay in the car and wait–VERY suspicious!) , but when my daughter asked to go see her brother (who was about 5 miles away from where they were staying), the psychopath told my daughter he didn’t have enough gas. He knew full well how much they had been looking forward to seeing each other. She hasn’t seen her brother since last March.

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          • It makes me shudder to think about the masks, the acts and the sides they show in different situations and with different people.

            Sucks your kids didn’t get to see each other, but lucky she got away from this whacko when she did.

            Personally (and I know it’s just my opinion) I think a man that much older with a woman that much younger is a red flag in and of itself. I know they’re both adults and all, but 16 years is still a big difference given the life experience gap.

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            • Like someone else said, I think a huge age gap like that can be a huge red flag in itself. Especially when they try to move in that fast. He was love bombing her to trap her. He was a predator.

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    • Safirefalcon–I forgot to answer your question about the links in my last reply. I have linked both those articles (well, one isn’t really an article, just a mention) in the post. I completely forgot to link to the first article, sorry about that!

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  3. I just had an odd thought. I think her whole experience of living with a psychopathic narc was meant to teach her something and wake her up from her own descent into narcissism. Before she met him she was very narcissistic and abusing drugs. She was making terrible choices.
    But since this experience(which we talked about in the conversation we had), she put two and two together. She knows all about narcissism and psychopathy because I talk to her about it a lot, and she herself identified him as a narcissist. She says she realized she was becoming a narcissist because now she’ s been the victim of one and sees how immoral her behavior had been.

    30 days in jail, I hate to say it, probably helped too. She had time to read a lot (something she usually won’t choose to do on her own) and think things over. She realized how “bad” she was, and wants to change.

    So I think she may be borderline, but may also be at that point I was back in 1985 when my friend’s calling me out and telling me she couldn’t be my friend anymore because of my narcissistic behavior, woke me up and made me stop myself before I slid down the rabbit hole into true narcissism. That ex-friend was actually being the best friend I could have had at that moment, even though I was devastated over her rejection of me. I believe she saved me from developing NPD.

    Some things happen because they’re a wake up call from God. Perhaps his purpose was to educate her about herself in a unusual and painful way. It probably took something that dire to save her from herself.

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  4. It’s good your daughter took it well because most people would have been so upset and not really think about the truth what is said. Emotions often get in the way people just don’t think of reality and look at themselves. Oh yeah it’s amazing what we can believe and then find out it’s a lie so what we wrote was also a lie but unintentional.

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    • It always embarrassing when you write something honestly because you think it’s the truth and then find out later you were lied to and have to packpedal and apologize for giving misleading information. That guy she was with was one of the most cunning and evil psychopaths I ever met. He had me completely fooled and her too.

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