About my book.

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For a couple of years now, I’ve talked about writing a book.    Writing and publishing a book has always been a dream of mine,  but getting motivated enough or knowing what I wanted to write about has always been an issue for me.

My book won’t be fiction because I’m really bad at fiction and can never seem to think of a viable beginning or end that doesn’t seem contrived.   My one attempt to write a book of fiction (in 2003) was a disaster and I hated all my characters.   It was self-indulgent, full of cliches, stilted dialogue, and uninteresting and unlikable characters who always seemed to be arguing about nothing.  To this day I can’t tell you what the book was about, because I don’t know.   I have no idea how to plot a novel, although I have read hundreds of novels by others who do know how to plot them.  It’s simply not something I have any talent for.

For some reason, I never threw that manuscript away (I spent too much time writing it) but I don’t look at it and never will again.  Its 300 plus pages sit in a tattered cardboard box in the farthest corner in the back of a closet.  The one time I tried to reread what I’d written, I cringed at how atrocious it was.    It was that bad.   I sent it to several publishers who also thought it was that bad – and sent it back to me with a polite rejection note.

The dilemma I’m facing (besides lack of time and drive) is what the topic of my book would be.    I think I’ve finally narrowed it down to two things.

Let me say straight out that my book will not be about narcissistic abuse, narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, or anything related to personality disorders, C-PTSD, codependency, or dysfunctional families or relationships.   Although this blog has been primarily about those things (at least until recently), I don’t feel comfortable writing a book covering anything in this field for at least four reasons.

First, there are many bloggers who have already written books about narcissism and narcissistic abuse, and many have done it better than I think I could.    I don’t even think this is one of the best blogs that ever covered narcissistic abuse.   Second, since I’ve moved on in my recovery,  I’m less passionate about this problem than I used to be.   I feel like anything that needed to be said, I’ve already said — or others have said better.   That doesn’t mean it’s not an important issue — it definitely is, but I feel like my passion for it isn’t there anymore.   Third, I’m afraid that delving into a personal account of my own life with a narcissistic family and husband — or my mental disorders that were caused by that — will be too triggering and send me back down the rabbit hole, a place I’ve gratefully left behind.  At first, it helped me to talk about it, and to find that I wasn’t alone.   Without that outlet and this blog, I would never have discovered things about myself I needed to change.    So I’m grateful for that, but I’m not in the same head space I was two years ago.  Therapy is quite enough for me right now and is intense enough as it is.  I no longer have any desire to dwell on the trauma I had to deal with just to have something to write about.   There are other things I prefer to write about now that make me feel better.  Fourth, I’m not a mental health professional and would feel like something of a fraud were I to write a self-help book for others, even though I know quite a bit about personality disorders, enough to write such a book.

So, what would my book be about, if it’s not going to be a novel or a book about personality disorders or narcissistic abuse?

I feel like I’m strong at writing opinion and humor.  Short little essays and anecdotes that give readers a window into the way I look at life — both the big and small things.    I enjoy writing posts like these.  My last post, “My Problem With Pens,” was one of the most enjoyable posts I’ve written in a long time.    I like that kind of writing and I want to do more of it.   No, I’ll probably never be the next David Sedaris or Augusten Burroughs, but I love creative writing and I can write humor.   I think I’m good enough at it to compile my best essays (both humorous and more serious) into a small book.    I’ve written a number of those kind of posts on this blog already,  but I never realized until recently that was actually my strongest writing.  Because I never focused on those types of posts and never made a section for them in the header or compiled a list of links, it will take some time to go through this blog and pull out all the titles and then decide which ones to use (and probably add some new ones to flesh out the book and give readers of this blog something new to read).

The only problem with writing a book like that is I’m not already a “name” (unless you count blog ownership as a kind of qualification), and compilations of essays usually sell best when written by someone already well-known for something else.    But I’m not expecting to make a million dollars or for the book to catapult me to sudden fame and a review in the New York Times Review of Books.  Not even close.    I could probably make more money writing a book about having been raised by narcissists, having BPD or C-PTSD, or writing a self help book about how to deal with abusers.   I could probably even sell more books writing about mindfulness techniques and developing empathy for people with Cluster B disorders.  But I don’t want to write a book like that.   I want to have fun writing my book, and this is why I’ve decided to write a compilation of my observations, opinions, and humorous little anecdotes.

There’s another topic I’ve been thinking about writing a book about:  handling Internet trolls and bullies.   Obviously, that’s related to narcissistic abuse, but it’s a narrower and more focused topic and doesn’t require me to delve into my deep past and retrigger ancient memories.    I’ve definitely been a victim of Internet bullying (most of us bloggers have, unfortunately) and I have experience now in how to deal with them — enough experience to be able to help others.   Any book I write about Internet troublemakers would be mostly a compilation of some of the posts and numbered lists I’ve already written for this blog.    Someone told me I had one of the most comprehensive lists of articles about Internet trolls and how to handle them they’d ever seen, and that got me thinking that maybe I ought to publish an actual book about it.

Very soon, I will need to lay off blogging and start compiling posts and writing new ones for a book.  I wish I had time to do both, but the need to keep a roof over my head and food in my fridge makes doing both nearly impossible.

What would you rather see me write about first?  A book of observations, opinions, essays, and humor; or a book about handling trolls and online bullies?

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About luckyotter

This blog is my journal. I just choose to share it with the world instead of keeping everything inside my head. I'm a recovering Borderline and have also struggled with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I also have Complex PTSD due to having been the victim of narcissistic abuse for most of my life. I write mostly about narcissism, because I was the child of a narcissistic mother, and then married to a sociopathic malignant narcissist for 20 years. But there's a silver lining too. In some ways they taught me about myself. This blog is about all that. Not all my articles will be about NPD, BPD or other personality disorders or mental conditions. I pretty much write about whatever's on my mind at the moment. So there's something for everyone here. Blogging about stuff is crack for my soul. It's self therapy, and hopefully my insights and observations may help others too.
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25 Responses to About my book.

  1. A book of observations, opinions, essays, and humor.

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      I’m glad you said that, because that would be the most fun for me.

      Liked by 1 person

      • kavyag says:

        I read the post.It’s unbelievable logic can’t explain everything

        Liked by 1 person

        • luckyotter says:

          Can you elaborate what you mean?

          Liked by 1 person

          • kavyag says:

            My relations suddenly go sour with my friends,sometimes my friends talk in the same catch phrase even they do not know each other.When I go to public places I get rude stares like I have done something wrong with them.Logically it doesn’t seem possible for happening

            Liked by 2 people

            • luckyotter says:

              I can relate. I often feel that way too. I’ve found that with recovery, people are treating me differently (better). But I wonder how much of that is just my own change in perception in how people are treating me. I think it’s both. Do you suffer from PTSD or depression? Because feeling like everyone is staring at you rudely can be a symptom of that.

              Liked by 1 person

          • kavyag says:

            I suffered from depression but I recovered from it but I still have Anxiety Neurosis,I don’t have PTSD I have BPD

            Liked by 2 people

            • luckyotter says:

              That’s unusual, because BPD is actually a form of C-PTSD (which underlies it). But therapists almost never give a C-PTSD or even a PTSD diagnosis if BPD is present. BPD seems to override the others, and C-PTSD isn’t a recognized dx anyway (although it should be — because there are distinct differences from PTSD). Good luck in your recovery! Are you in therapy or have you tried DBT? It worked well for me.

              Liked by 1 person

          • kavyag says:

            Thanks dear for telling me BPD is a form C-PTSD I never knew that.I am not under medication,I live with my narcissistic parents I have to get a job and move out soon till then I should face the hell

            Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m a published author. I don’t plot. I fly by the seat of my pants, and it’s called being a panster. What I suggest you do, is write what is in your heart. Don’t plot, just write and see where it takes you.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Aura Gael says:

    Exciting! Either idea is good. I like the pantster idea that Janice mentioned. I was just thinking about my writing style today while driving and I have this habit of getting an idea then sitting to write it out and then going in a whole ‘nother direction.

    I was feeling kind of negative toward myself for it, but now not so much. Thanks Janice.

    So Otter, do you consider yourself a plotter or a pantser?

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I vote for the FUN book, first. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  5. kavyag says:

    Hi Lauren,
    Is it possible for you to write about Gang Stalking?

    Liked by 2 people

  6. nikitalondon says:

    Hi LO

    A BOOK about observated opinions!! 😃😃 al

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Marcus says:

    I think what’s important is that you start writing. About whichever topic – but start. That’s usually my biggest issue, starting. Well that and finishing but that’s a different subject……..

    Liked by 1 person

  8. TheOriginalPhoenix says:

    Write about what you want but I think the humor one would be nice. 🙂 Also I think blog ownership totally counts as a qualification.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Alice says:

    Yay! I’m excited for you, Otter. I agree with Marcus…. I vote for the project that gets you started writing, usually the one you HAVE to write, even when you are supposed to be doing other things. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  10. nowve666 says:

    So are you going to send it to a publisher? I wanted to write my autobiography. I actually wrote it but never sent it anywhere except to a dear friend. Then I ended up putting it in my blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      No, I’ll self publish on Amazon/Kindle. I have to find out how to do it though. It will start as an ebook only, but I’ll look into how much it will cost to publish in paper. I don’t think it’s that much for a limited run but I’m not sure. If anyone here knows how that works and how much it costs, please feel free to let me know.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Alice says:

        Hi Otter,
        Amazon now sells paperbacks along with their kindle books. It’s very easy and it doesn’t cost anything. They configure the cost of printing and advise you to price your book accordingly. The main expense will be cover design and possibly interior design. But your print book won’t have a ‘run’ and that is the beauty of it. It will sell the same as your ebooks, and be printed on demand… as copies are bought. Good luck! I know you have to write your book first, lol. That’s the fun part.
        P.S. Go to amazon (dot com) and click on their KDP page to learn more. This is where you set up your ebook and print book, compatibly, once you open an account.

        Liked by 2 people

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