Gifts a scapegoat brings to the world

I thought Katie was gone, but she came back just when I needed her posts like a starving person needs a nourishing meal.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been depressed and resentful about my scapegoat status in my family and repeated throughout my life (especially in the workplace), sinking into resentment, envy,  and self pity. These are bad emotions for me, they are bad for anyone! These emotions poison your soul. In fact, last night I told my wonderful therapist that I didn’t think therapy was working, because I felt like I’ve taken 3 steps back and failing to make any more progress. He reminded me that a lot of negative and self defeating emotions got triggered starting with my father’s death last month. He’s right, of course, but I still wasn’t buying it.

Reading Katie’s latest two posts made me realize that my unhappy upbringing, continued tendency to be the target of abusers, and lifelong, seemingly intractable poverty as an adult didn’t just happen in vain. I feel strongly, like Katie does, that those of us who were scapegoats and have suffered so much must be very spiritually strong for us to have been chosen for such difficult and harsh training–training for something far more wonderful than having the latest SUV or European vacation.    If that sounds grandiose, then so be it, but I simply won’t and can’t believe that what happened to us happened for no reason at all.

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About luckyotter

Recovering from BPD and C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse from childhood. Married to a sociopath for 20 years. Proud INFJ, Enneagram type 4w5. Animal lover, music lover, cat mom, unapologetic geek, fan of the absurd, progressive Catholic, mom to 2, mental illness stigma activist, anti-Trumper. #RESISTANCE
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4 Responses to Gifts a scapegoat brings to the world

  1. Maria Strom says:

    I haven’t been on wordpress for awhile and am glad to be back. I always like reading your posts. I’ve suffered from depression often in my life, also. I think this post is really insightful. It’s powerful, about owning your life and your feelings.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. L Mary says:

    Yeah…it certainly no fun to be the scapegoat.

    You may find this presentation somewhat interesting regarding the scapegoat .

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      This was very interesting, except I disagree that scapegoating is less common today. I don’t think people being aware it happens discourages them from scapegoating someone. In fact, if anything, in our narcissistic society, it seems worse than ever. Still an interesting video. Thanks for sharing!

      Like

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