Gifts a scapegoat brings to the world

I thought Katie was gone, but she came back just when I needed her posts like a starving person needs a nourishing meal.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been depressed and resentful about my scapegoat status in my family and repeated throughout my life (especially in the workplace), sinking into resentment, envy,  and self pity. These are bad emotions for me, they are bad for anyone! These emotions poison your soul. In fact, last night I told my wonderful therapist that I didn’t think therapy was working, because I felt like I’ve taken 3 steps back and failing to make any more progress. He reminded me that a lot of negative and self defeating emotions got triggered starting with my father’s death last month. He’s right, of course, but I still wasn’t buying it.

Reading Katie’s latest two posts made me realize that my unhappy upbringing, continued tendency to be the target of abusers, and lifelong, seemingly intractable poverty as an adult didn’t just happen in vain. I feel strongly, like Katie does, that those of us who were scapegoats and have suffered so much must be very spiritually strong for us to have been chosen for such difficult and harsh training–training for something far more wonderful than having the latest SUV or European vacation.    If that sounds grandiose, then so be it, but I simply won’t and can’t believe that what happened to us happened for no reason at all.

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About luckyotter

This blog is my journal. I just choose to share it with the world instead of keeping everything inside my head. I'm a recovering Borderline and have also struggled with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I also have Complex PTSD due to having been the victim of narcissistic abuse for most of my life. I write mostly about narcissism, because I was the child of a narcissistic mother, and then married to a sociopathic malignant narcissist for 20 years. But there's a silver lining too. In some ways they taught me about myself. This blog is about all that. Not all my articles will be about NPD, BPD or other personality disorders or mental conditions. I pretty much write about whatever's on my mind at the moment. So there's something for everyone here. Blogging about stuff is crack for my soul. It's self therapy, and hopefully my insights and observations may help others too.
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4 Responses to Gifts a scapegoat brings to the world

  1. Maria Strom says:

    I haven’t been on wordpress for awhile and am glad to be back. I always like reading your posts. I’ve suffered from depression often in my life, also. I think this post is really insightful. It’s powerful, about owning your life and your feelings.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. L Mary says:

    Yeah…it certainly no fun to be the scapegoat.

    You may find this presentation somewhat interesting regarding the scapegoat .

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      This was very interesting, except I disagree that scapegoating is less common today. I don’t think people being aware it happens discourages them from scapegoating someone. In fact, if anything, in our narcissistic society, it seems worse than ever. Still an interesting video. Thanks for sharing!

      Like

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