I suffered narcissistic injury today and I’m not even a narcissist.

 

old_lady

I’ve always taken pride in my youthful appearance. In spite of my age (I’m in my mid-50’s) most people think I’m in my 40’s or sometimes even in my late 30’s. I’ve never had a facelift or any cosmetic surgery. I don’t have a lot of gray hair.  I’m in pretty good shape for my age too. Sometimes I even still get carded (although I do realize they’re carding everyone now). I still sometimes get looks from the opposite sex. The other day I was flattered when a construction worker was staring at me and said, “Hey, pretty lady!” When I was in my 20’s that kind of attention made me ragey.   Now I love it because it doesn’t happen that often.

Today I worked with a new employee. We were driving in silence because I really didn’t feel like talking that much. I have a lot on my mind. I suppose she was uncomfortable with the silence and trying to make conversation, so here was her icebreaker:

“Why aren’t you retired yet?”

HUH?

I was at a complete loss for words. I was never so insulted. No one has ever said anything like that to me before. I worried. Have I suddenly become old looking in the last year or two? I don’t look like a spring chicken, but I certainly don’t think I look like I’m ready to retire either. What happened to the old etiquette, when if you were “of a certain age,” people politely didn’t ask you about it?

“I’m ten years away from retirement,” I spat. Yeah, I was mad. How dare she ask me something like that.

She stared at me. She wasn’t done with me. “You look like you used to party a lot,” she continued. “I bet you did, drinking and smoking weed with all those hippies at Woodstock back in the day.”

“I WASN’T A HIPPIE! I WAS 9 YEARS OLD WHEN WOODSTOCK HAPPENED!”

“Well, you look like you partied a lot. You look like you still party a lot.”

What the hell was THAT supposed to mean?

I was glad when the day was over and I was rid of this rude person. I’ve been stewing over what she said all day. When I got home, I asked my daughter to tell me HONESTLY how old she thought I looked. She said 42. When I told her what happened, she just laughed.

I guess I’m narcissistic about SOME things. I think everyone is. I decided to write about it because after all, it is pretty funny.

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About luckyotter

Recovering from BPD and C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse from childhood. Married to a sociopath for 20 years. Proud INFJ, Enneagram type 4w5. Animal lover, music lover, cat mom, unapologetic geek, fan of the absurd, progressive Catholic, mom to 2, mental illness stigma activist, anti-Trumper. #RESISTANCE
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54 Responses to I suffered narcissistic injury today and I’m not even a narcissist.

  1. nikitalondon says:

    OMG totally understand you. Would be also a narcissistic injury for me 😂😂. Have a good day

    Liked by 1 person

  2. avaswan says:

    What a rude thing to say to you. You look about 40 in your pics. So it really is funny for some idiot to make that assumption. I bet you can work harder and faster than she ever thought about. We’re Team Lucky!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t know what the power dynamic is between the two of you but if she is a new co-worker she bears watching. She used your age to psych you out. Not only that, she intimated that you used drugs, and still do.

    Ageism is a serious problem in the work place, and people first begin to notice it when they reach 40.

    This was beyond rude. This was a attack.

    Liked by 3 people

    • revengestar says:

      *agrees 200%)

      Liked by 2 people

    • luckyotter says:

      I didn’t even know the girl, she just started last week. I have no idea how she would know that was a button for me. BTW she is 25 and looks 20 years older, lol. But I would never say that. (I was tempted yesterday though).

      Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      I also don’t think she will last. Her general attitude is beyond negative. She was telling me how much she hates the job, how little it pays, etc.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh yeah!…Whoever hired her is probably wondering where her judgement went.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Susan says:

        that can be another trap too to feel you out. some strange people feel like if they can get you to bad mouth your job/company/boss/pay etc.. they have something on you and youll be thick as thieves…
        I mean just imagine if you were like oh yeah this job is crap
        think itd be safe with her????? not
        wow people are lost. they live in some fantasy/video game/strategy RPG instead of reality.
        and people like us , we may be learning but don’t have that ability to pre think things out
        in the moment you were just like ..oh that was just a nasty rude comment
        now after all day and we hash it out.. well see? it took us all day to come up with what may be her tactics! other know instantly
        I only JUST thought of that one I just said so
        well I am still glad to be like us!
        saying such extreme things were not about her.. sharing with you herself..no . she was feeling our YOUR character… its too out of line to be normal or socially inept…
        it had a method it seemed.
        problem is the disrespect WE have to feel when random strangers/co workers.. people.. even THINK they CAN feel us out.. ..I HATE it and don’t want to be picked and prodded psychologically at work or anywhere else
        we outlawed sexual harassment
        now it can be reported.. even sly undertones
        we didn’t outlaw character harassment yet
        should be free to be stress free at work and just do our jobs…
        I had a boss keep insinuating I smoke weed..(when I don’t,he never believed it because I guess EVERYONE does) my BOSS. I guess because he did…I was 40 he was like 50..
        I felt like I was back in junior high
        not a good feeling. that wasn’t what I liked about junior high…

        Liked by 2 people

    • Susan says:

      yep! that’s what I smell too. keep your eye on that one!
      its very abnormal to say all that and ive had co workers use all sorts of tactics and mind games on me
      things so far out of left field,far from true.. they were just psych outs.
      looking back I cant even believe what little devils they were.
      just never ever play their little games back and you win, they lose.
      takes all your patience! but it works.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. L.Mary says:

    Oh my gosh….that was HYSTERICAL! It’s not very often that I laugh out loud so it really felt good to laugh. People are so freaking crazy…arent they? Even if she really thought those things were true…she obviously has zero tact or discretion. I was in a store on line returning an item recently and the lady in front of me asked me “when I was due” …. obviously insinuation I was pregnant. ? First of all, I’m fifty one years old. Second……while my stomach is not completely flat….. I don’t have anywhere near of beer belly or anything like that. Not even close. In fact when I was still in the store I was in another department and laughingly shared with the clerk what was just said to me and she looked completely dumbfounded? And she essentially said…nothing about you looks pregnant ? Not even remotely close ? And If I was pregnant it would have been too early to even be sure so why would anyone draw that extreme conclusion and then verbalize it? Especially in these days where people are so compulsively image conscious and have so many eating disorders? I was also wearing sporty clothes so it’s not even like I was wearing any garment that would allude to pregnancy. ? And it occurred to me later what had actually happened. You may find this hard to believe but you can actually feed off another persons energy by doing something like that. If you shock or hurt or deflate or injure or anger someone….. It’s a subtle way of stealing another persons power. And that why it’s really important not to be overly concerned with anyone’s opinion. Because it may not be based in reality at all. They may be feeding off your reaction. And that experience really taught me a lesson. Now fortunately, I didn’t react badly when she said it……I just responded to her nicely that I would think my age would be a clue to the fact that I’m probably not pregnant. lol …. So she didn’t receive her toke off my pipe after all.
    But your story was SO funny. Thanks for sharing that!

    Liked by 2 people

    • luckyotter says:

      I’m glad I can laugh about it now. I’ve gotten that “pregnant” thing too. It’s totally rude! People used to have manners; not so much anymore. (Yeah, and I know that makes me sound OLD!)

      Like

  5. revengestar says:

    First of all i am sorry you had to hear all that crap from this orc . I take pride in my youthful appearence too but i need to try a lot to keep things that way (it’s really amazing you have such good genetics, i am happy for you) and i have heard nasty comments like that in the past too. My conclusion is: many of those people do it on purpose! They say this to deliberately upset you and i can prove it: How on earth is it possible that she really thought you should be retired when you look so young? it is different if someone thinks you are 5 years older, but we talk about 20 years down the road here.When the comment is outrageous i smell toxic person stench! In my opinion she felt the need to attack you because she has huge issues with herself, not you. Keep up the good work looking and being young (both in body and spirit)!

    Liked by 2 people

    • luckyotter says:

      This person is an orc, like you said! 25 and looks 45 and has a negative attitude to boot. Don’t know if she’s a Narc, but clearly an unhappy person.

      Liked by 1 person

      • L.Mary says:

        Luckeyotter I bet anything that she said those things to you because she noticed how youthful you look especially compared to her premature aging and then, feeling insecure, she unconsciously PROJECTED all that stuff onto you!!! I bet a million dollars thats exactly what happened. I knew a lady who used to constantly complain to me that her other friend was very cheep. After twenty years of her always managing to find ways to get more than her share on dinner checks and in all kinds of other circumstances it FINALLY registered to me that it was SHE and not her friend who was the cheapskate. And I bet you anything that she unconsciously projected all that stuff onto her friend. I finally put two and two together and realized that she was actually very jealous of her friends ability to save and have a little nest egg because she , herself, was in debt.

        Liked by 1 person

        • luckyotter says:

          Maybe, but why would she pick someone twice her age anyway to pick on? If she wanted to project, why not on an attractive woman close to her own age. Maybe she has mommy issues.

          Like

      • Susan says:

        ohhhhhhhhhhhh so SHE is the one who looks MUCH older!? looks 45 and is 25!!?? and YOU Look younger!!!
        wow
        this world is really coming to its knees.
        they have no shame! I was picturing some 18 year old in training who looks and acts 16 just because of making such an immature comment…then I told myself no way not even an 18 yr old would do that, they know better! but I am not familiar with the youth of today.
        so she was PROJECTING
        the exact comments she said to you
        she has heard
        (similar ones) she wanted to feed off of you. its mind boggling.

        Liked by 1 person

      • revengestar says:

        we don’t know if she is a narc, but she is definitely toxic, because even if you were at retiring age it’s none of her business to ask why. I dislike not only people who make nasty comments, but also gossipers and nosy ones. You have every right to be upset!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. revengestar says:

    I am so sorry they said this, totally rude. To take things further, even if you were pregnant your due date is also personal data and none of their business. It is really impressive that you have a clear understanding of what’s going on and gave her a good answer!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Momof2 says:

    Was the new employee socially retarded or what? That was so rude.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Susan says:

      don’t you wish sometimes you COULD just SAY in the moment what you think of later on! like actually be able to say “are you socially retarded?” lol I mean cmon
      its the NICE people they prey on, story of my life
      I cant even imagine saying anything like that.
      ive read through all the comments above..yep ive gotten the pregnant one a few times
      do we all keep skinny flat stomaches UNLESS we are pregnant??? when did this happen? sheeeeeeeeeeeeesh
      yeah its annoying because its always the little tiny belly you have if say you were in first trimester.. so why say anything!! I now never wear those “baby doll” shirts that were in style a while back…
      I guess they are styled like maternity ones. still though!
      oh I had a thought
      since ive had co workers and people “feel me out” in this way
      that talk is just speak for … are you down for..
      well she may see who she can do drugs with that’s all!!!!!!!!!!!
      if you were like yeah yeah
      she can smoke weed with you at work that’s all

      Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      She’s rude in other ways too, every other word is a cuss word and she talks trash about other people and how terrible her life is . Maybe is a covert narcissist.

      Like

  8. Thanks for sharing this. I thought it was funny. My first thoughts were: About the retirement…she is naive, perhaps comes from a small world, like maybe her mom retired young so therefore so does every other woman. And on the partying stuff…she was putting out a lead, perhaps wanted to know if you had any pot or something because she likes to smoke it. But Robert Matthew Goldstein may have been right. She could be an evil doer.

    Like

  9. Pingback: I suffered narcissistic injury today and I’m not even a narcissist. – narcmagnet69x96

  10. Linda Lee/@LadyQuixote says:

    Hi Lauren. I’ve missed you while I’ve been on my blog hiatus/memoir writing marathon. I’m still not done with my book but I wanted to stop by because this has been a hard week for me and I needed a friendly boost.

    Wow. The rudeness of this person is mind boggling. I am impressed with the way you handled her. Doubly impressed by your comments that you are now laughing about it!

    Your pictures look very young. As a 60-something, I would love to be in my fifties again. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  11. rubycommenting says:

    And so do you Lucky Otter. When I see your pics, I can’t believe you’re in your 50’s. I would think 40’s for sure:) Youre both very pretty ladies.

    Liked by 1 person

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