How to reparent yourself.

This short post went viral on my other blog, although I really have no idea why because not a whole lot of thought went into it and I wrote it on the fly, but it seemed to resonate, so I’m reblogging it here too. (Chair Girl is the name I give to my inner child in therapy).

Down the Rabbit Hole


Reparenting is a therapy process in which the traumatized, rejected inner child is validated and mirrored the way they should have been by the individual’s parents.  It’s a technique used by attachment and trauma therapists for disorders caused by early trauma such as personality disorders and C-PTSD.   In my sessions, it sometimes involves sitting my inner child in a chair (I’ve started to call her Chair Girl) and asking her what she needs and letting her talk to me.   I’ve been learning so much about her–and beginning to develop a protective, loving feeling toward her and realizing she isn’t as bad as I’ve always believed. Those of us with trauma-based disorders develop a very harsh and punishing Inner Critic that can be every bit as abusive as our own parents were. My Inner Critic has denied my inner child’s needs and even her existence.  But she needs me.

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About luckyotter

Recovering from BPD and C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse from childhood. Married to a sociopath for 20 years. Proud INFJ, Enneagram type 4w5. Animal lover, music lover, cat mom, unapologetic geek, fan of the absurd, progressive Catholic, mom to 2, mental illness stigma activist, anti-Trumper. #RESISTANCE
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One Response to How to reparent yourself.

  1. Very good post indeed! Thanks.

    When I first started therapy, my therapist asked me to write a letter of compassion to myself. I failed. He made me write another. Still failed. Had to look up the definition of compassion on Google on my phone, during a therapy session, so we could walk through it word by word, because I so could not understand the concept as applied to myself.

    It’s taken me months to be able to say those things to myself but I’ve finally started. Definitely helps.

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