My therapist finally spilled the beans (at my insistence) and thinks PTSD or complex PTSD is the closest fit for what I actually have. BPD may have fit once, but he doesn’t think it does any longer, if it ever did. He said a lot of those “borderline” symptoms may really have been PTSD. He also doesn’t think I fit the criteria for any other personality disorder. Also I would not be responding to therapy as well (or as quickly) if I had an actual personality disorder.
This is wonderful. Complex PTSD is a non-stigmatizing label that acknowledges that damage was done to YOU, and you are just reacting normally to the abnormal. Personality disorders imply that the problem is in the person and BPD is one of the most stigmatizing labels of all.
I’ve grown quite attached to my BPD label though, and I’m not quite ready to give it up yet. So I’ll still keep BPD under “Read About My Crazy” since I actually was diagnosed with it twice. Maybe it was an erroneous diagnosis or maybe not, but being a “borderline” has become so much a part of my identity I’m going to keep it for now. I’m just overjoyed that my therapist does NOT think I have it and also that he’s aware of narcissistic abuse and the ways it can really f**k with your mind.
He says it’s fairly common for people with PTSD/C-PTSD to try to self-diagnose and it’s normal to be confused, as I have been very much so.