My greatest fear.


I just read this heartbreaking post, in which a mother commemorates the one month anniversary of her 24-year old son’s death (he had been involved in a terrible auto accident not long before he died that left him unconscious and brain dead).

The article triggered me.  I too have a 24 year old son.  Losing him–or my daughter who is going to be 23 next month–is my #1 greatest fear.    My son lives about 800 miles away and of course has a life of his own, so I can’t keep an eye on him or keep him safe like I could when he was a little boy.    My daughter lives nearby, but once again, she’s an adult and I can’t protect her anymore.   Both of them drive, and thinking of what could happen to either of them on the road sends shivers of fear up and down my spine.   I worry constantly about both of them.  I want to know that they are safe.  Some people think I’m a little neurotic about it, but I can’t help being a worrywart.

Bad things happen in this world.   Sometimes they happen very close to home. Sometimes they even happen to your own child.     There are so many uncertainties in life.  Any of us could be taken at any time, for any reason.

If this happened to one of my children, I can’t even imagine being able to stay sane.  I don’t think I’d even want to live anymore.    I honestly don’t know how parents who have lost a child do it.  How they go on.  How they continue to make coffee, eat dinner, go to work, see a movie.  Even, at some point, be able to smile and laugh again.

A child should never die before a parent.   Not ever.  But it happens sometimes.

My heart goes out to this brave blogger, this mother of a beautiful young man named Anthony who was taken way too soon, the victim of one of those unexpected, tragic things that sometimes happen without warning.     I hope she knows that by posting this, she is in the thoughts and prayers of many.  I’m also sure Anthony is still right there with her, smiling down on her from Heaven with the angels.    I will keep her in my prayers.


About luckyotter

This blog is my journal. I just choose to share it with the world instead of keeping everything inside my head. I'm a recovering Borderline and have also struggled with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I also have Complex PTSD due to having been the victim of narcissistic abuse for most of my life. I write mostly about narcissism, because I was the child of a narcissistic mother, and then married to a sociopathic malignant narcissist for 20 years. But there's a silver lining too. In some ways they taught me about myself. This blog is about all that. Not all my articles will be about NPD, BPD or other personality disorders or mental conditions. I pretty much write about whatever's on my mind at the moment. So there's something for everyone here. Blogging about stuff is crack for my soul. It's self therapy, and hopefully my insights and observations may help others too.
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7 Responses to My greatest fear.

  1. garym6059 says:

    I can even fathom the thought of losing a my only child let alone writing about it.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Just Plain Ol' Vic says:

    As a parent, I cannot imagine outliving any of my children. I am not sure what it would do for my mental health let alone my wife with all of her current issues.

    Liked by 3 people

    • luckyotter says:

      I hear you. I don’t think I have the mental stability to be able to cope with something like that at all. I really don’t know how people do it but I imagine it’s easier with a strong family support system, something I do not have.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks so much for following I really do appreciate it – Fonz


  4. Diana says:

    I feel that way about my daughter and my dogs. Some people do and don’t understand how I can feel that way also about my dogs but I just do. You feel what you feel. But I do fear if I could handle not killing myself if I lost them. It is real.

    Liked by 2 people

    • luckyotter says:

      Pets are family members, and I think it’s perfectly natural to feel that attached to them. They give unconditional love and are the best friends ever. It’s a shame they don’t live that long and sooner or later we most likely will have to see them pass on. I think people who think grieving over a pet is “silly” have problems with empathy, or never knew the love of an animal.


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