How to deal with haters and critics.

haterade

I want to reblog this excellent article about how to deal with haters and critics.  Every blogger has them, especially if they write anything besides recipes or decorating ideas (and those bloggers probably have haters too).

I’m a people pleaser.  I hate being hated.   When I’m criticized, I clam up and shrink into the walls.  As a person who writes about sensitive topics,  I’ve occasionally had run ins with people who did not like what I had to say.   At one point I nearly stopped blogging because of my hurt feelings.  But why should I do that?  Why should I let one or two judgmental people intimidate me and silence me?  I’ve been silenced and intimidated all my life.  Writing about my feelings and making them public has been one of the most healing things I’ve ever done for myself.   How insane would I have to be to allow a few malcontents I’ve never met and know nothing about to silence me?  Pretty insane.  The only person who can silence me is me.

This quote in particular really stood out to me and from now on I’m going to think about this whenever I hesitate to post something I really want to post, just because someone out there might not like it:

Criticism and negativity from other people is like a wall. And if you focus on it, then you’ll run right into it. You’ll get blocked by negative emotions, anger, and self-doubt. Your mind will go where your attention is focused. Criticism and negativity don’t prevent you from reaching the finish line, but they can certainly distract you from it.

However, if you focus on the road in front of you and on moving forward, then you can safely speed past the walls and barriers that are nearby.

Haters and Critics: How to Deal with People Judging You and Your Work

By James Clear

It doesn’t matter how you choose to live your life — whether you build a business or work a corporate job; have children or choose not to have children; travel the world or live in the same town all of your life; go to the gym 5 times a week or sit on the couch every night — whatever you do, someone will judge you for it.

For one reason or another, someone will find a reason to project their insecurities, their negativity, and their fears onto you and your life, and you’ll have to deal with it.

With that in mind, let’s talk about being judged and criticized. And just for fun, I’ll share some of the most hateful comments I’ve received on my articles. And more importantly, the strategies I use to deal with them.

Here’s what I’ve learned about dealing with the people who judge you, your work, and your goals.

The Biggest Critic in Your Life

It’s easier to complain about the outside critics, but the biggest critic in your life usually lives between your own two ears. Working up the courage to move past your own vulnerability and uncertainty is often the greatest challenge you’ll face on the way to achieving your goals.

When I started my first business, it wasn’t the criticism from outsiders that held me back. It was my own mind worrying that people would think I was a loser because I skipped getting a “real job” to “start some website.” I didn’t tell most of my friends about what I was doing for almost a year because I was so worried about what they would think about it.

When I started writing, it wasn’t the hurtful comments from readers that prevented me from getting started. It was my own fears about what they would think if I wrote about the things I cared about. I wrote my ideas in a private document for a year before I worked up the courage to start sharing them publicly.

Those are just two examples of the types of internal fears and criticism that so often prevent us from getting started on our goals. It can take a lifetime to learn that just because people criticize you doesn’t mean they really care about your choice to do something different. Usually, the haters simply criticize and move on. And that means that you can safely ignore them and continue doing your thing.

But that is easier said than done because we all like to be validated. Some people like it more than others, but everyone wants to be respected and appreciated to some degree. I certainly do. I know that whenever I choose to take a risk and share my work with the world, I wonder about what my friends will think, what my family will think, and how the people around me will see me because of that choice. Will this help my reputation? Will this hurt my reputation? Should I even be worrying about my reputation?

Especially with writing, these questions created an internal struggle for me.

On one hand, I believed in myself and I knew that I wanted to contribute something to the world around me. But on the other hand, I was scared that people wouldn’t approve of my work and would criticize me when I started sharing the things I cared about or believed.

I’ve written previously about the challenge of putting yourself out there by saying, “You can either be judged because you created something or ignored because you left your greatness inside of you.”

Eventually, I decided that it was more important to contribute something to the world than it was to protect myself from criticism.

Read the rest of this article here.

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About luckyotter

This blog is my journal. I just choose to share it with the world instead of keeping everything inside my head. I'm a recovering Borderline and have also struggled with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I also have Complex PTSD due to having been the victim of narcissistic abuse for most of my life. I write mostly about narcissism, because I was the child of a narcissistic mother, and then married to a sociopathic malignant narcissist for 20 years. But there's a silver lining too. In some ways they taught me about myself. This blog is about all that. Not all my articles will be about NPD, BPD or other personality disorders or mental conditions. I pretty much write about whatever's on my mind at the moment. So there's something for everyone here. Blogging about stuff is crack for my soul. It's self therapy, and hopefully my insights and observations may help others too.
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9 Responses to How to deal with haters and critics.

  1. draughtrider says:

    It’s so easy to be a critic of something someone else believes or says or just throws up for discussion. What seems hard is to take a step back and treat the topic as a thing but the people as people, sometimes, often, people you love or just people, people you don’t even know but people with their own stories, people maybe even still trying to work things out through their own journey.
    I’ve made this mistake many times.
    What I find interesting is reading confronting views, differing views, ‘wrong’ views as I understood until the moment of reading in a way of trying to fill the authors shoes, trying to see how they see it. It’s not always easy, it doesn’t always work, but more often than I’d thought it’s ‘wow’ – it doesn’t always change my view, but sometimes it does, and sometimes its OK just to respect that another persons journey is different. Now and then its a case of ‘I really think they are wrong’ – but that’s OK too, and I can accept that because I’ve also been wrong, plenty of times. An interesting exchange can ensue, if you follow the path of question rather than ‘to correct’ – sometimes it leads to greater understanding on either or both sides. Sometimes its surprising how you can be quite at odds with someone on a particular view and still respect them overall.
    Especially with blogs, I ask, why did I come here, why am I reading this? Did I come here to correct the world, one blog at a time? or did I come here to challenge myself with differing and interesting views one post at a time – and sometimes views I share – and if I don’t share them, what have I to learn? Certainly I’ll learn nothing by closing my mind …
    Ultimately all the reader can ask and probably in fairness also expect is that you share your posts honestly as a blogger. And as a blogger, you can ask and expect that readers will meet your views with an open mind and challenge them politely and respectfully, if they feel the need.

    Liked by 1 person

    • This comment is freaking brilliant. “Did I come here to correct the world, one blog at a time? or did I come here to challenge myself with differing and interesting views one post at a time – and sometimes views I share – and if I don’t share them, what have I to learn? Certainly I’ll learn nothing by closing my mind …”

      Wow.

      Liked by 1 person

      • luckyotter says:

        You might be interested in reading the post I wrote today about this topic. If it angers some people, so be it. I’m not silencing myself or letting anyone intimidate me into silence. I’ve had enough of that shit all my life. I’m done with that.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Mysticalwriter says:

    Reblogged this on Mysticalwriter and commented:
    I agree, an excellent article from James Clear, dealing with haters & Critics

    Like

  3. katiesdream2004 says:

    I needed this. It is challenging writing about the taboo of narc families because, at least in my experience it requires shaking off the lie, that good people don’t tell family matters. Good people love and honor their mothers. Then, if a golden child appears with their daggars of shame, they are playing off àn already reticent speaking of truth.
    I ll add this too. Evil exists. Not everyone that disagrees gets abusive about it. There are piranhas in the water of blogland. They look for sensitive souls to bait cause havoc and pain and they do so for entertainment. Like wolves looking for the vulnerable they will increase a pack brutality if they smell blood. I had an ex that baited people for fun. He loved watching them defend themselves. I tell myself if I get defensive and defend myself I already lost because derailing me was the point

    Absolutely ignoring NARC prowlers looking to rob someone of their peace is one strategy

    Liked by 3 people

    • luckyotter says:

      It’s nothing specific, just something we who have blogs all need to be aware of out there. I (or this blog) has been targeted at various times. Fortunately it’s never gotten out of hand.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. S says:

    People might react negatively to what they read because it’s a new idea or new information TO THEM, they never entertained it or heard of it before, therefore it threatens their inner world of safety, but I believe it’s always better to know than not to know. I do know of a case where some serious online critics did take it from online into the real world, so not to frighten anyone, but, it does happen from time to time. I would like to think its the exception rather than the rule. This case I’m familiar with the person felt like anyone else, that there will be opinions out there, but, this ‘victim’ felt they had the right to be there as much as anyone. Eventually the abuse of this person was only intensifying and was unremitting so the choice was made to get out of harms way even though it wasn’t fair.

    Liked by 2 people

    • luckyotter says:

      How awful. How did these people take the online bullying into the real world. I have seen cases where someone’s personal information was found and made public knowledge. I think that’s illegal though.

      Like

  5. S says:

    In this case, the people doing the bullying were supposedly friends of theirs. So, they were never suspected til much much later when things played out.

    Like

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