I’m only 6 years old.

Therapy was more productive tonight…

Down the Rabbit Hole


I’ve been seeing my therapist now for 2 months.   I’ve spent most of these sessions talking about how much I want to get more in touch with my feelings, but when any feelings arise, I find ways to distract or deflect attention away from them.   I’ve been talking the talk but not walking the walk.   I think last week’s session felt especially unproductive because some painful, deep stuff was coming to the surface so I worked doubly hard to avoid confronting it.. I spent almost the entire session talking about inconsequential things and cracking jokes.

On Saturday, I had one of my black mornings, which I wrote about in my last post.  I emailed my therapist to ask him to remind me to talk about these black mornings when we met tonight. I knew that they were key to accessing some painful feelings that I’d been…

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About luckyotter

This blog is my journal. I just choose to share it with the world instead of keeping everything inside my head. I'm a recovering Borderline and have also struggled with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I also have Complex PTSD due to having been the victim of narcissistic abuse for most of my life. I write mostly about narcissism, because I was the child of a narcissistic mother, and then married to a sociopathic malignant narcissist for 20 years. But there's a silver lining too. In some ways they taught me about myself. This blog is about all that. Not all my articles will be about NPD, BPD or other personality disorders or mental conditions. I pretty much write about whatever's on my mind at the moment. So there's something for everyone here. Blogging about stuff is crack for my soul. It's self therapy, and hopefully my insights and observations may help others too.
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