Addicted to being a Victim

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I can relate to this article by OM so much right now. There are people who wear their victimhood as if it’s a trophy and for that reason can never move on from their past and heal from abuse. I feel sorry for them because they don’t realize they are letting their abusers win. The best revenge is to reject your victimhood, because that’s exactly what your abusers DO NOT want to see. They want you to remain a victim all your life because they know their toxic message to you became internalized and is eating your soul to shreds. You being happy and well will drive them insane.

For the record, I am not anti-victim, having been one myself for most of my life, but it shouldn’t become a way of life either. There’s a time to put it to rest and focus on becoming happy in spite of your past. Tragedy and abuse should never define who you are. The past can be used as common ground to connect with others who have suffered but then we should move on from it by learning from it and helping each other, but you are not your past. You weren’t born to suffer in spite of what your abusers have told you.

If you want to hang onto your victimhood forever, that’s your right of course, but it’s wrong to judge those who reject such a depressing and unhealthy philosophy.

7 thoughts on “Addicted to being a Victim”

  1. Great article to wake up to today. My thought on this , for myself , is no contact can backfire on me if I spend the rest of my life looking for demons to constantly battle. After years and years of that fight or flight state with my foo, the tendency to keep finding reason to be alarmed could actually kill me. My scapegoat role was making me physically and mentally ill.

    We can all find tons of images , real and imagined to keep on the defense. We can even allow ourselves to stew forever more in judgment and fear. There is lotsa sickness and cruelty to feed off of in this world whether we’re no contact or not. I resolve not to replace my foo with even more reasons to feel constant anger . That would be spiritual cancer to me.

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    • Spiritual cancer is a good analogy. That’s what it is. I have seen it happen to many people and they can become as bad as their abusers over time. Narcissism is contagious and they can continue to influence you long after you have gone no contact, without your even knowing. Narcissism is the gift that keeps on giving, if you let it. I choose to walk away from all that. I am not in contact (or low contact) with narcissists. I am rejecting their continued influence over me and the negative internal dialog they cause within me that has always tended to cause fear, anger and depression. I want to be happy, that’s all. I think I deserve it And I think it’s working too. 🙂

      I agree that dwelling in victimhood and accepting being a scapegoat can make you sick. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It makes you unable to see truth or all the good that exists in the world. I still struggle, I am not there yet and have a long way to go. But I refuse to let my abusers ruin my spirit, whatever’s left of it. And no one is going to make me feel guilty or bad because that is what I’ve chosen to do.

      Living in a state of fear and rage raises cortisol levels in the blood and while cortisol is necessary in fight or flight scenarios, it’s very toxic when it remains in the body long after any immediate danger has passed, and that’s why dwelling in pain and hate will make you sick. Medical studies have shown that high cortisol levels caused by stress can even lead to cancer.

      I wonder if OM is referring here to the stalker troll he was dealing with. That stalker was so disordered and his envy of OM was so obvious. I hope he’s leaving OM alone now and I’m so glad he’s back (OM I mean). WP wasn’t the same without him.

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    • Yes…I agree lucky. I think the first obvious thing to do is to commit to No Contact.

      The 2nd is to not play the role of the victim. Which means move on and take care of yourself and do what you love to do, and always wanted to do. The Narc has revealed to you what you love and want the most out of life…because if you take inventory of his abuse…that is where he attacks you the most.

      This is also a very good article for women who have been raped or endured physical violence as well.

      Remember recovery is a process that requires looking into your childhood and not so much at the Narc…because the underlying trauma that made a person tolerant to Narc abuse is childhood conditioning to abuse.

      Reparenting and self nuturing is key… Because that is what a Narc does to hook the victim in. They are false nurturers… Pretenders of the real unconditional love a victim longs for.

      Or should I say survivor….

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        • OK. I’ll be home tonight. Unfortunately,… I have to work the late shift and I can’t go down the shore to watch Bruce play in The Lost Cause band. Tomorrow night I can go to the gig. There are 4 bands he’s in. NarCisisstic Mary is 1 of the 4 bands.

          Will chat tonight 🙂

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