Glass half empty.

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I’m the type of person who, if I walk into a room and everyone is glad to see me, I’ll focus on the one person who’s scowling at me, and spend the rest of the night fretting about that one grumpy person, instead of being happy everyone else wants me there. I’m a natural pessimist, a glass-half empty kind of person.

It just happened now. I got one comment telling me my blog has been really helpful, and another one that all but called me a narcissist. Instead of being happy about what the first person said, I’m worrying about the second…

I don’t always react well to criticism, but if truth be told, I thought this person might have a point, at least about the way I wrote something I now have set to private. I honestly can’t be objective about my own writing sometimes.

27 thoughts on “Glass half empty.”

  3. I read and liked your post that you wrote a few hours ago, the one you have now set to private. It didn’t seem the least bit narcissistic to me. What I saw in that post was a perfectly normal nervous excitement about having 1,000 followers on your blog.

    Your now private post reminded me of Sally Fields at the Oscars when she said in so many words: “Wow! You like me ! You really do like me!!”

    Your post also reminded me of how I felt many years ago when my fellow nursing students shocked and deeply honored me by electing me class president. “Wow! They really do like me!”

    It is a great feeling to be “liked” by a large number of people. I think it must feel even better than winning a mega million dollar lottery. But being “liked” by a bunch of virtual strangers also feels unreal and kind of scary. “If they REALLY knew me, would they still like me? If they could see me at my worst, what would they think of me then? If I screw up somehow, if I say or do something stupid, will their feelings about me change to dislike or even HATE?”

    Being LOVED is a basic human NEED. Just as our bodies need air, water, and food in order to survive and thrive physically, our human psyche needs love, compassion, and acceptance in order to survive and thrive psychologically.

    It has been scientifically proven that perfectly healthy newborn infants will fail to thrive and may ultimately die, even though their physical needs are being adequately met, if they are not held, if they are not caressed, if they are not LOVED.

    Lauren, when in your whole life have you ever felt deeply loved and accepted, just for being you, just the way you are, faults and all? I think you are a lot like me in this regard — all of your life you have been starving for love and acceptance. It wasn’t your fault that your childhood caregivers could not give you the love that every child needs and deserves. But it felt like it was your fault, didn’t it?

    After fifty-plus years of being literally starved for love and acceptance, is it any wonder that getting 1,000 blog followers feels like a Huge Deal? Just like me, when fifty nursing students nominated and elected me class president — Wow! Suddenly I was a very big fish in a very tiny pond. They liked me, they really liked me! And they like you, they really like you! After a lifetime of feeling less than a nobody, how can it not go to your head… at least a little, at least temporarily?

    No, I don’t think your reaction to this is one bit narcissistic. I think this is normal, for people like you and me who have spent most of our lives being rejected, bullied, put down, ignored, and unwanted.

    ((((Lucky Otter)))) — big hug. Not too many people have the ability to do what you have done on this blog. I know I don’t have this ability. You earned this and you deserve a big happy dance. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    • ….and I just liked my own comment. Go ahead, Haters, hate me for that. Haters gonna hate, judgmentalists gonna judge, jackasses are gonna show their a$$es, and I am NOT the jackass whisperer. So I will shake it off, shake it off…. 😆

      Liked by 1 person

    • Your words mean a lot. You are right. I shouldn’t let one person ruin this for me. But it actually wasn’t that article about having 1000 followers I set to private, it was one about feeling too exposed, of all things, by having certain articles starting to get popular, including one I kind of wanted to stay buried. The accusation arose because I compared the experience of having a few articles that have gone sort of “viral” to being famous. The comment that made me set it to private was sarcastic and mean. But it also had (I thought) a grain of truth in it too. How dare I compare myself to celebrities? I’m nowhere near a celebrity. So that’s why I set it to private. I may repost it because my whole point was that I was feeling too exposed and vulnerable. But I’m going to sit on it a few days and read it over again when I can be more objective, or have someone else read it first. I may send it to you and ask your opinion, if that’s alright.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, I knew it was the article that said you were feeling too exposed and you could understand a little of how a celebrity might feel when they want the paparazzi to just leave them alone. That is the post I was talking about when I said I liked it and didn’t think it was narcissistic. I thought the reason you were feeling too exposed was because you were on the brink then of having 1,000 followers.

        I don’t think we can help “letting” ourselves feel hurt by the words of one judgmental, hateful person. In my case, it doesn’t matter how many people I have who like and approve of me — if just one person hatefully cuts me down and finds fault with me, that hits me HARD because, to me, it is a C-PTSD trigger. Suddenly I am a little girl again, and my malignant narcissistic mother is telling me that the reason she can’t stand me is because everything about me is All Wrong. And suddenly I am a battered wife again, being told that my abuse is my fault because something about me brings out the worst in people.

        When I get triggered by a rude person, it HURTS. Compassion is what we need when we are triggered and in pain — NOT another put down about how we shouldn’t “let” the jerks get to us. That’s how I see it, anyway.

        So yeah, I thought the post about identifying with celebrities sometimes wanting to be left alone was fine. If you do make it public again, you might want to add something about how you were accused of being narcissistic by comparing yourself to celebrities, and you know that you aren’t a celebrity…… but, Lauren, seriously, what is wrong with saying that having 1,000 followers and over 120,000 hits on your blog feels kind of like being a celebrity, after a lifetime of feeling like a nobody? Celebrities are just humans, too. I mean, it isn’t like you compared yourself to God! 😀

        I stayed with my daughter in Beverly Hills last year for eight days, in the home of an actor friend of hers. Celebrities get wrinkles too, they get tired and grouchy too, they have dirty dishes and dirty laundry and they poop and pee, just like the rest of us. Celebrities are just people and it is okay to relate to them. I repeat, they aren’t gods!!

        The picture you had at the top of your celebrity post, his t-shirt said it all. Maybe repeat his t-shirt saying at the beginning of that post for the people who might not have noticed what it said. That was the perfect disclaimer.

        Liked by 2 people

        • ….and I just liked my own comment again! Oh no, I am really getting bad. Must be from hanging out too much on Lucky Otter’s blog! (Kidding!!)

          Liked by 3 people

        • I agree with everything you said, and I think you just gave me the courage to make that post public again. Yes, I lol’d when I saw that guy’s shirt because it really does say it all.
          It does feel good to have a little attention and respect here, after a lifetime of feeling like a nothing and always told I was a nothing. Maybe it wouldn’t be that big a deal to a person with a normal life and childhood, but for someone who was always kicked around and treated like sh*t, something like that does feel like a huge accomplishment! So sue me!

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  4. Sometimes one negative comment can get to you and the another person tells you how much they love your blog and all and then you feel better realizing there are people out there who enjoy your blog. Remember people are not going to like everything.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I’m like that too. I have a friend from high school (a woman) who’s significant other (another woman) won’t acknowledge my presence sometimes if we turn up at a mutual type of hang out. It hurts but even more it strikes me as strange. She will know damn well I’m sitting or standing mere feet away from her, but when I look over to give a wave, she very obviously makes a point to look away.

    I try not to let it bother me. And I don’t let it rule my mind, but when it occurs to me, I can’t seem to lie to myself that it doesn’t bother me. Because it does.

    Thing is there have been times she has spoken to me, acted like we were friends. I’ve been to her house and confided in her (along with my friend) about personal stuff.

    And the messed up thing about that for me, is why would I want a friend who behaves like that anyway.

    Not quite the same circumstance but it’s what I thought of.

    I didn’t read your article that you’re referring to, but given everything I’ve read, I’m doubting it was narcissistic. It’s the one about 1000 followers right? Well, if you write about how you’re all excited about it, I’d say that’s pretty normal.

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