Mr. Stingy.

stingy
I remember one of my narcissistic lovers. He was a textbook example of a malignant narcissist, and a mean one at that. Although he never became physically violent, I think he would have if I hadn’t ended that relationship.

One of the strangest things about him was the way he gave me gifts. The guy had plenty of money–he had a trust fund, for heaven’s sakes and owned his apartment free and clear, and he was always traveling. He never asked me to go with him though. Instead, he’d bring me back “gifts” from his road trips. I remember he’d make a big show out of presenting me with these gifts as if he was giving me the keys to a new car. They were never wrapped nicely, but always stuffed in a paper or plastic bag.

So what sort of gifts did this narcissistic trust fund jerk give me? Jewelry, chocolates, books, candles, clothing?

No. He’d give me gifts of trash. The stuff he didn’t want. You know, like the free samples they give out in hotels–tiny bars of hotel soap, shampoo, a wrapped glass with the hotel’s name on it, even a “Do Not Disturb” door sign. Once he gave me a gift card with about $2.00 left on it. I couldn’t even use that because it was for a store they don’t have in this area. Thanks, Mr. Generous! The most extravagant thing this loser ever brought me back from these trips was a keychain that was probably free too. One of his gifts was half a Stuckey’s nutty bar, that he’d already opened and eaten part of. How cheap can you get? He was the stingiest POS I ever knew.

tiny_gift
A ring or earrings maybe? Think again, chump.

It wasn’t like he didn’t have the money to buy me something nice. He used to show me, with great fanfare, all the nice things he’d bought for himself. A leather jacket, a framed picture, a box of homemade peanut butter and chocolate fudge. I remember asking him if I could have a piece of the fudge and he said no.

For Christmas that year he actually bought me something. It was a “Toonces The Driving Cat” coffee mug. Although still a cheap gift, it was thoughtful because he knew I loved that Saturday Night Live skit.

About a month later, we had a fight. We were arguing more frequently by then. Then he said something that made me wonder if I’d heard him right. He said he wanted the Toonces mug back. He told me to go get it and give it to him. I said no. Shooting me eye-daggers, he said through gritted teeth, “I never gave you that. I only let you borrow it.”

Wow.

Livid, I went and found the mug, pretended to hand it to him, saying “Here!” As he reached for it, I threw it hard against the floor in front of him, shattering it into bits. He stormed off in a rage and slammed the door on his way out. As I swept the pieces of broken ceramic into a dust pan, I heard the squeal of his tires as he backed out of the driveway like a bat out of hell. He always did have a problem with road rage too.

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21 thoughts on “Mr. Stingy.

  1. Good riddance I say. Sounds like he was egoist and really wasn’t all there with the relationship. I think some people are just weird. Did he ever buy you dinner out?

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  2. Oh my goodness… I was married to a guy just like this. He was a retired military officer, receiving a hefty pension, plus he also was working for at a government job and being paid a hefty salary. The house and car were paid for, he had no debt, he had thousands in savings…

    One Christmas his gift was a bottle of Clairol hair color, because I had mentioned that it was about time to color my roots. One birthday my gift was a little Dollar Store wrench of some kind because I was taking a carpentry course for women.

    The worst was when we moved to an area where even he agreed that the tap water was undrinkable, so we had to buy bottled water. We were in the grocery store together and he started loading the cart with the cheapest brand of water they had. I told him I didn’t like the taste of that brand, I preferred another brand, which happened to cost a whopping ten cents more.

    He gave me his “you are an idiot” glare and loudly exclaimed “WATER has a TASTE?!?”

    Idiot. When our ten year marriage ended, I took him to the cleaners so bad! 😇

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  3. Wow,…he was a real jerk. Mine took me out to dinners and lunches, which I think might have been pretty generous for him to do.

    Flowers and rainbows in text messages. Never the real thing. My new boyfriend who is a kind man gave me a dozen red roses on Easter, and he bought my mother flowers too. He sent all my guitars to a specialist and had them all adjusted and set properly. He put a band together for me. Say NO to Narcissists. They suck!

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    • I wish I’d said NO to narcissists when I was much younger. My life would have been SO much easier. But they say, never regret anything. Even my narcs have been my teachers. They taught me things about myself. But I don’t recommend learning from them if you don’t have to.

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      • I wish I had too. We didn’t know what Narcissism was. We thought it was normal. The therapist I told you about still thinks they are players. That’s a joke.

        The one I knew recently is on date sites all over the place…I think he’s ripping women off. I even think one of the date sites deleted his profile.

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        • I’m glad this horrible disorder is finally being called out for the blight on humanity it really is. It’s largely an Internet phenomenon though. I do think our friend SV started the trend and now everyone else who suffered at the hands of narcs has jumped on board. Like him or not, he is to be commended for bringing NPD to the attention of people who otherwise would never have known how dangerous it is or even what it is. His book is good (even though it’s very pessimistic) and I will be reviewing it soon. I just haven’t got around to it.

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    • I knew a narc like the one Lucky is discribing in this article. He was some guy from India I met in the church. He kept giving me the dumbest gifts. Junk. Dollar items from a garage sale and stuff like that. I didn’t like him after taking him on a boat to go deep sea fishing in the ocean. Although, I felt sorry for him because he did get sea sick. Also all the rough fishermen were laughing at him because he couldn’t put the worm on the hook. They emasculated him by comparing him to me because I put the works on the hook.

      I remember he was controlling and he didn’t like it when I talked about myself. Then I broke up with him after I met another Narc. The next Narc was extremely masculent. Although they both were Malignant,…I preferred a Masculent Narc. Lol

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      • That’s kind of funny! Poor guy. 😦 Oh, wait, a malignant narc? Never mind.

        I don’t like ’em either effeminate or macho. You see one MN, you’ve seen em all.

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        • Yeah…and the effeminate Narc had this woman from Africa he kept on the shelf. He got involved with her and then devalued her because he was a racist. So I had no pity for him. He used that woman and he was mean to her. I told him off and gave him a huge Narc injury. I heard he recently got married. I feel sorry for that woman. That guy was nuts, and he was also trying to gain US citizenship. He told me that he was going to lie to immigration and tell them he was gay to file hardship…which is an illegal thing to do. He was a real jerk!

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            • Years ago in India you had to hide that, and there were a few limited asylum cases granted for that depending on the country a person migrated from, but the INS doesn’t always grant asylum. The India culture is moderinized and does not discriminate anymore. So yeah…he was pretty weird to come up with that idea?

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