Narcissists use political correctness to control.

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Political correctness has never been more in vogue than it is right now, and our society has also never been more narcissistic than it is right now. As Americans, we worship narcissistic celebrities, narcissistic politicans, narcissistic sports stars, and narcissistic CEOs. And the more narcissistic they are, the higher a pedestal we seem to place them on. It’s all about the clothes, the glitz, the glamour, the money, the bling, the presentation, the package, the trappings of success. Even many of the poor don’t vote for the soft-spoken candidate who will increase the minimum wage and food stamps or provide job training; no, instead they vote for the garrulous, rich CEO who bails out the banks instead of the homeless. Why? Because the overbearing, rich CEO is perceived as being on the winning team, and they want to be on the winning team too.

As a nation, we are so deluded. We live in a big dysfunctional family, with the narcissistic “parents” running the government and the corporations, and held up as role models, while the vulnerable–the homeless, the poor, the sick, the old, and the disabled–are held responsible for their own lot, and told they are to blame for it, even if their circumstances are completely beyond their control, which they usually are. The vulnerable in our society are the scapegoat children that everyone has permission to kick when they’re already down, because the narcissistic Powers That Be tell them it’s okay. We live in a seriously empathy-deprived society.

It’s a huge irony that at the same time we worship the material over the spiritual, the rich and callous over the poor and kind, the corporation over the individual, the aggressive and ruthless over the empathetic and cooperative, that we insist on something called “political correctness.” This ties in closely with a concept we call “zero tolerance.” It’s gotten so extreme that if we tap our child on the rear-end in Wal-Mart, we could be charged with child abuse. If a young boy draws a picture of a gun, they could go to jail. Not long ago, there was a case of an autistic ten year old who was accused of making terrorist threats because he wrote “bone thrat” on a wall.

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We have euphemisms for everything. We have to watch everything we say for fear of offending some or another group of people. Political correctness, we are told, exists so we don’t hurt someone’s feelings or insult a group of people, whether they be of a certain nationality, race, have a particular disability or mental illness, or sexual preference. But I don’t think that’s the real reason for political correctness. I think the real reason is control. If we have to watch everything we say and walk around on eggshells for fear of offending someone, then we become anxious and fearful. That’s the way the narcissistic Powers That Be want us: scared to death and easily controlled. Zero tolerance is another way they can control us.

The same is true on the personal level too. When I think of most of the narcissists I know, almost every one of them insists on political correctness in some form or another. They make sure you always say the right thing at the right time. They are constantly warning you that you could insult someone if you don’t (as if they care). If I call someone “mentally retarded,” not meaning any harm by it, but just using that phrase because it’s the one I’m used to and the one I was raised with, a narcissist will rudely interrupt and tell me I should have used “cognitively challenged” instead. I can be talking about Cherokee Indians, and the narcissist will interrupt and say I should have said “Cherokee Native Americans,” even though that phrase is awkward as hell. I can’t talk about someone being “fat,” I have to use “larger framed person” or something equally ridiculous-sounding. If it’s a female narcissist with feminist leanings I’m talking to, I can’t use the word “girl” for a young woman without getting chastised, even though “girl” is a lot easier to say than “young woman.” Most everyone knows I don’t say “girl” to diminish the female gender or somehow compare her unfavorably with men, it’s just easier and sounds less awkward. I’m used to it. But the narcissist will interrupt and tell me that I was insulting my own gender my using that word. Hell, you can’t even say “Merry Christmas” anymore. You see, it’s all about the package, the presentation, the image: the narcissist is not listening to the message behind my words or really hearing a word of what I’m saying; they are using my choice of words to diminish and instill in me a sense of shame. They do this to instill fear so they can thereby exert control over you.

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But they don’t practice what they preach. Narcissists aren’t politically correct themselves. Being PC doesn’t apply to them. They talk the talk but don’t walk the walk. They’re allowed to say the most hurtful and insulting and diminishing things to everyone else–you are fat, a cow, a pig, crazy, stupid, insane, a bitch, a whore, and so on. If the target of these slurs objects they are chastised for that: “Take responsibility for your own feelings” or “stop being so sensitive.” They take no responsibility for their own hurtful words and actions.

Narcissists have no empathy so when they tell you to be “PC” to avoid hurting someone, do you think they really care? Of course they don’t. When they tell you to be “PC” what they are really saying is “use the words I tell you to use so I can make you fear my wrath so I can exert control over you like the spineless puppet I have designated you to be.”

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32 thoughts on “Narcissists use political correctness to control.

      • Did you get my Twitter message that I sent a few days ago, explaining that I unfollowed all the blogs I was following so I could concentrate on my writing? I miss your blog though. Maybe I can just follow you and bpdtransformation and that’s it.

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          • Thanks for understanding. Random weird things have been happening, like my hubby having to run our car completely off the road to avoid a horrible high speed head on collision with an 18-wheeler… that happened last week, coming back from church. Then last Friday, the weirdest thing of all, my husband and I went to the truck stop to eat and we saw a storm tracker vehicle sitting beside the highway, and they were taking pictures of the sky. So we pulled off the road too and I took pictures of what looked like a supercell forming overhead. Then we went on to the diner, which was just a couple of blocks away, because my diabetic husband could not wait a minute more to eat… sigh…. and then, as we got out of the car in the parking lot, I looked up at the storm cloud and saw a funnel shape forming, and as I was taking a picture of that, suddenly a mesocyclone started spinning in a wide circle all around us! The updraft created a towering wall of dirt and debris that completely surrounded us and the truck stop. Whew. Freaky. I got some pictures of that too, but unfortunately I didn’t have the presence of mind to switch from still shots to video.

            It was hair raising and exciting, but most of all it made me feel very mortal. So for that and other reasons I am not mentioning, I feel an urgent need to finish my memoir while I still can!

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            • Okay, I just need to get them from my cellphone to my computer, then I can post them on Twitter. I am too tired now, so probably tomorrow.

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            • I just posted five of my storm pictures to Twitter, tagged with your @orangepeel18 handle. I took the pics with my cell phone so unfortunately the resolution isn’t the greatest.

              We live where the high desert and the great plains meet, so our weather is dramatic. We get single digit temps in winter and triple digits in the summer, and hail as big as softballs. I have pictures of baseball-sized hail from June 2012. That storm destroyed most of the roofs in town and totaled our RV trailer. Our homeowners insurance is crazy expensive.

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            • I bet it is! I think your part of the country is beautiful– all that huge open sky. I remember visting New Mexico as a child and loved how beautiful it was. We were in the Santa Fe area, more deserty than where you are, but still the big sky. Here, where I live, I feel like i live in a jungle sometimes. It’s sort of closed in feeling because of all the trees and hills. The whole east coast is like that, even where it’s flat there’s not that sense of wide open space you get out west.

              I saw your photos and WOW! I would have been terrified! You must not have been THAT scared if you took those photos without shaking the camera but they are clear. I guess you must be used to that kind of weather. I don’t know if I could get used to it but I guess where you are you can see it coming at least.

              If you don’t mind I want to do a post using these photos, of course I will give you credit, let me know?

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            • Sure, feel free to use the photos. I’m glad you like them. Yes, I am usually pretty good at staying calm during an emergency. It’s only afterwards that I get all shaky. 🙂

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            • I bet you did. The pictures are gorgeous even though you were scared to death. Maybe it happened for that reason–so you could document the moment. But dayum!

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      • I spoke about this a lot in yesterdays article. Right? Or should I say left, kid. Haha

        I guess I’ll explain it again for those who didn’t read my comment on the other article. My Narc tried to control everything I said. Especially when I was questioning his strange behavior or infidelity. He tried to convince me that I was a slave in society, and the English language had me dumbed down.

        He got upset if I said, Kid. Because kid means goat. I had to say child. He got upset if you used the word right. He said that means signal, and he’d turn his head to the right.

        Although it’s not political correctness to him. He’s anti-establishment. It was all about the Illuminati. I really just pretended to listen to him most of the time. He talked in circles about non sense.

        I liked it when he talked about being in a band in New York. He was at his best when he talked about music and guitar.

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        • Thanks for adding this here. That thing about not using “kid”– I didn’t know people still got their panties in a bunch over that. When I was a *kid* I remember people always saying it was bad word to use because it was supposed to be for a baby goat, LOL!

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          • See Lucky. I think getting into a relationship is only good for the type of people that need to ring in a new boyfriend to ring out the old one.

            It might be healthy for a victim who just can’t go no contact. The Narc can’t stand that you have a new man.

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          • Oh it was. He gave me stomach problems. Every time he contacts me I feel ill.

            I’m in a new relationship and I’m happy now. Everything is good now. I’m glad I’m in a relationship because that keeps me away from him. Having a new boyfriend is sort of like putting mosquetto repellent on.

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            • Mary, I keep chuckling about that mosquito repellent, lol.

              My problem was that I kept going from one horrible relationship to another. I didn’t understand about repetition compulsion and how my crazy childhood had made me a magnet for users and abusers, until I was in my 50s. Have you had a similar experience? Or was your controlling ex the only one?

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            • Alaina, I was fortunate up to become aware about the childhood trauma bonding. And I went out and choose a boyfriend who was the opposite from my usually choices. It is true, that you will repeat the pattern, unless you consciously change the pattern of who you choose.

              I would also like to share with you, the thoughts that once you choose a good partner, it feels odd. But you must talk yourself through it. You must continuously tell yourself that a calm steady relationship is healthy. And you deserve a life without unnecessary drama in it. There are artistic and creative ways to feel excitement. Join a theratre group. Start a band. Write a blog like lucky does, or do whatever you always dreamed of doing. The outlet of excitement needs to be found in what you do to make yourself happy.

              You deserve to be happy and live the life you always dreamed of.

              Liked by 1 person

            • Also, lucky and I think differently on the new boyfriend thing. And I totally understand where lucky is coming from. Most professionals would agree that it is not wise to start a new relationship after narc abuse. Mainly, because you are vulnerable and repeating the pattern would be devastating.

              Plus it is difficult to change the pattern and feel an attraction towards a man who is not like your parents.

              But think about it for the next few months? Do you really want or deserve to be in a relationship that mimics your parents? I think its important to really look hard at that.

              In my situation, I felt like I was in danger, and so I felt moving on was key to my safety because the guy I knew was a high on the spectrum ASPD.

              I think each and every situation is different, and for the most part Lucky is correct.

              Liked by 1 person

  1. I don’t mind being politically correct.. really.. But, it’s just so hard to keep up. If we’re going to be politially correct all the time, we should start calling all white people “caucasian” and so on. We’d need a new dictionairy. Can we still call it a dictionary? Aw man.. Wait, I have to say “aww people!” because, you know, mixed audiance! (Can I stop now? Yes? Good.)

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  2. Lucky, I’m sure Narcs can use political correctness as a tool of control. But political correctness certainly did not come about for that purpose. It came out of struggles among dedicated progressives who take politics seriously and who know that the “personal is political.” We recently overheard a man living here say, “Hitler was right,” while his wife cautioned him, “Don’t say that out loud.” Anyone who has been targeted by scapegoating, stereotyping or name-calling based on his or her position in the ethnic or class spectrum knows how important political correctness really is. I had a very negative reaction to one of the cartoons here, the one showing children outside a principle’s office waiting to be reprimanded for using “incorrect” words, the last one of which was “Christmas.” Surely, you are not one of those Christians who think they are persecuted by people who prefer to say “Season’s Greetings.” I always say “Merry Christmas” and have never gotten flack for it. Not once. I am really disgusted by Christians who whine about being “persecuted.” If anyone has a right to complain, it’s Muslims. Christians were persecuted in early Roman times when they were thrown to lions. They are probably persecuted in some parts of the world. They are not persecuted in America. They are the ones on the offensive, trying to force their beliefs on the rest of us, removing reproductive freedom, for example. The way they use the war against political correctness is proof that we need it.

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    • I’m certainly not one of those kind of Christians who thinks there is a “war on Christmas” or there is anything wrong with saying Seasons Greetings. I think you know me better than that so I’m not sure why you would think something about me that isn’t true.
      I posted the cartoon because it shows in general the ridiculous extremes political correctness has gone. I for one do not object to someone saying Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays or Happy freaking Kwanzah. Look at the cartoon in it’s entire context, not just one piece of it.

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