When bloggers just disappear.

poof

One thing about the cyber-world that bugs me is its unstable, temporary nature.  You can get really close to someone online and feel like you’ve been best friends for years, but because you don’t really know anything about them (their real name, where they live, what their favorite color is, etc.), if they suddenly take down their blog or just stop posting anything in it, there’s no way to find out what happened to them. Did they die? Are they in jail? Sick? Hard drive attacked by a virus?  Abducted by aliens?  Just don’t want to blog anymore?

There’s no way to ever find out, and it sucks because you’ve grown to care so much about the soul behind the words, even if you couldn’t recognize them if they were walking down the street. This goes for frequent commenters too, who are very active for awhile and then suddenly vanish. Only in that case, you also wonder if they might have grown bored with your blog or if you said something that pissed them off.

About luckyotter

This blog is my journal. I just choose to share it with the world instead of keeping everything inside my head. I'm a recovering Borderline and have also struggled with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I also have Complex PTSD due to having been the victim of narcissistic abuse for most of my life. I write mostly about narcissism, because I was the child of a narcissistic mother, and then married to a sociopathic malignant narcissist for 20 years. But there's a silver lining too. In some ways they taught me about myself. This blog is about all that. Not all my articles will be about NPD, BPD or other personality disorders or mental conditions. I pretty much write about whatever's on my mind at the moment. So there's something for everyone here. Blogging about stuff is crack for my soul. It's self therapy, and hopefully my insights and observations may help others too.
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44 Responses to When bloggers just disappear.

  1. Blackhorn33 says:

    Lucky Otter,
    Hello the house… Now Otter, Ma’am, you not meaning that you are gonna shoot me in the rear when I turn and run are you???? I came to read the rest, then decided I better check in.
    Oh no, I reckon I told you I wouldn’t play around so much, haha Ms Otter I just can’t help it.
    I hope you had a blessed weekend, and you know you summed up what a whole lot of us feel like, sometimes all you got left is an empty feeling.
    Good Post!
    Robert

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      Thanks for checking in, BH! Now I don’t have to worry. LOL!
      My weekend was okay. Hope you had a good weekend too.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Blackhorn33 says:

        L, I just can’t help it, you are such a nice, good hearted person, the little boy in me thinks to myself, if someone hasn’t been here before, she is going to look out that window and see them backing away and know I am hiding in the bushes, and just the moment they begin to feel safe, I am lighting this firecracker and BLAM….
        Now L… don’t you pull that rope, whats in that buc…..bucket is SOAP and it’s in my mouth… boohoo I’m telling uh… Oh I was just uh funning, Good Bye Ms L
        (OH DARN I hated lifeboy and I hate it now spitooee)
        Robert

        Liked by 1 person

        • luckyotter says:

          LOL! You are too funny. Never tried Lifeboy soap. I alway hated Ivory.

          Liked by 1 person

          • Blackhorn33 says:

            L, you never had your mouth washed out with soap???? Wow
            You just change my attitude everytime I got the blues, I have told you that before, you always seem to be right there, and there you were today.
            Thank You L
            Robert

            PS – I have been blue because of the things that have happened in my field of Our Children, and I polled Our Circle (my advisers) after Chelsea’s lie
            So I might suggest if you are for that #AntiChild #AntiLife Beast please don’t read my next post on the website.

            Liked by 1 person

  2. cyranny says:

    I understand your point soooooo well! I’ve written to bloggers in the past to know if their break was permanent or not, just disappointed not to read them anymore. More recently, I lost my favorite Blogger, after one year of intense posting. I feel like I had to quit cold turkey, and after a week of almost no posting at all, I am afraid I might be going into withdrawal symptoms any moment now… As for readers not commenting anymore, I don’t have that problem, still being in the early stage of my Blog, and not having a lot of people leaving comments yet 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. katiesdream2004 says:

    In my past I’ve taken down some blogs for reasons I’ll share if it is helpful
    1. One time, I’d made the mistake of sharing an anonymous blog that was going well with a coworker. I’d made some negative comments about social services and how they could improve without using my real name or my real work place. My coworker it turned out wanted my position, went to my boss said I had a secret blog revealing things about work (not true) I generically gave examples of ways that social services alienate clients and why.

    Within 2 weeks I was told to leave my position without giving reason except “you don’t fit in”. Literally had HR walk to my desk say “get your stuff and leave you don’t fit in here” this despite extremely positive employee reviews and never being late and being told everyone loved working with me just 2 weeks before.

    It was a heartbreaking experience–I had it confirmed when a friend told me that Bruce–his real name– had gone to management about some blog I had. He was the Christian coworker I loaned money to and gave a ride to work when his car broke down, and yes, he got my position. I was so devastated I took the whole blog down.

    OTHER REASONS..
    2. I took a blog down when my sister figured out it was my blog and began to critique my writing
    3. I took one down when I began to feel really vulnerable about all the things I’d shared.
    4 And I took one down when I got a job and couldn’t give adequate attention to it.

    There are lots or reasons to take them down sometimes people get discouraged because their readership doesn’t grow. I have another blog, a professional one with about 30 readers that consistently read it and have for years. Rarely get comments but maintain a presence. I’d give it up if I didn’t feel a calling to keep it going for those 30 readers.

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      I love your blog. It’s among my very favorites. I do understand sometimes there are good reasons to take one down or stop posting.
      I’m so sorry that happened to you, with the nasty coworker who wanted your job and told all those lies about what you were writing. Sounds like a very toxic place to work, full of narcs, if you ask me. Telling you you don’t fit in. NOT NICE AT ALL! I also understand that “too vulnerable” feeling. I have been tempted twice to take my blog down, but usually I keep some posts set to private for awhile before I make them public, if I do at all. I’ve usually not regretted posting it eventually, but I feel like I have to be very careful and am still a bit hesitant to talk about my family too much, because I think they read this blog.

      Liked by 1 person

      • katiesdream2004 says:

        Thank you I’m glad you like the blog that means a lot to me. The wound of being told to get out and those words “you don’t fit in” put me in a tailspin of withdrawal that I’m still not over. Can you get PTSD from a work place? I think you can because i have flashbacks of that day. She said “we are an at will employer, we don’t have to give you any reason” adding that “you don’t fit in” is enough reason. In fact, probably in question was the right to free speech perhaps something that could have been challenged in court. The clients were incensed but the pain remained and the betrayal from a “friend” hurt the most. I didn’t know about Bruce until about 6 months later when I was so depressed I could hardly speak. Its been 3 years now and I am still ashamed and feel my career was really damaged. One of those griefs God can carry for us if we allow it…

        Liked by 1 person

        • luckyotter says:

          I absolutely think you can get C-PTSd or PTSD from a toxic workplace. It’s kind of a stand in for a family and thereare even scapegoats and Golden children. They hang the threat of being fired over your head so they can control you.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. dosirakbento says:

    Great post.
    I know that when I took a blog break and started blogging I was wondering if readers where still interested or whether they had “unfollowed” during my months of silence. I was happy to see a lot of blog friends still around but also missed others who had disappeared without giving a clue. Not that they have to of course! Everyone has his/her reasons for blogging and for continuing or stopping.

    Also – and even more- annoying I find it when WP decides for me to unfollow a blog and won’t show them anymore in my Reader. This has happened quite often…grrr

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      WP plays lots of “games” like that and it’s annoying.
      I follow so many blogs (I try to do follow for follow) I don’t even know when WP has randomly made me unfollow someone’s blog unless its one of the ones I read regularly and I suddenly stop getting their notifications. I’ve never deliberately unfollowed a WP blog, so I’m probably following a lot of inactive ones now.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ritu says:

    I totally understand what you mean!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. dray0308 says:

    Reblogged this on DREAM BIG DREAM OFTEN and commented:
    Interesting thought on Lucky Otter’s Haven!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Chris White says:

    An excellent topic. A bit of everything I suspect.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Expressed perfectly! Being brand new to blogging, I followed another new blogger via “bloggingfunadamentals” and was in awe of her bravery. She was writing about a terrible event in her youth and it seemed to me to take incredible strength. After just a few posts she was gone. I wonder if sharing the story was just too much. If I could, I would tell her how inspiring her strength and courage was to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. amommasview says:

    In some cases it truly worries me! There was one blogger I followed and he posted about being really sick and then poof… disappeared… now, months later, he has replied to an email. I thought he was gone for real but he just got a great job…

    Liked by 2 people

  10. James L says:

    There have been a few bloggers whose work I have really enjoyed who just suddenly stopped posting, which I think is a shame. I know sometimes life gets in the way and sometimes people get to a point with blogging where they actually start to dislike the process of writing, but I think some of them have just got frustrated that there blog isn’t getting more attention.

    Liked by 2 people

    • luckyotter says:

      I think sometimes that could be true too. If their main focus was to have a popular blog with a lot of activity they could get frustrated after a year or two if the blog isn’t getting lots of traffic.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I’ve deactivated and reactivated FB and twitter so many times, it’s not funny. I struggle daily, to control my erratic behaviour and have only recently started to seek help.

    I’ve never completely deactivated my blogs but I have locked them down for a while. I’m overly cautious/hyper-vigilant/slightly paranoid, which goes with the CPTSD diagnosis.

    My self esteem is dire, I feel useless, worthless and deeply depressed most of the time and when it becomes particularly bad, I just want to disappear.

    Maybe the people that have a keen interest and affinity to your work, are also suffering and working through their own demons, making them a little erratic, overly cautious, struggling through a dark time or have someone in their life they’re scared of..a Narc for instance? It’s hard to know but I can understand why it’s frustrating.

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      I’m sorry you’re struggling, Touch of Cinnamon (nice username) and you’re not alone with the hypervigilance, activating/deactivating, etc. Nor are you the first person I’ve met with CPTSD who does this. I know a few others, and I did set my other blog to private for about a month because of my paranoia so I can relate too. Hang in there, it will get easier. Hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you Lucky Otter. Reading back my comment above, I sound like I’m pretty pathetic. It wasn’t my intention to glean sympathy, I struggle accepting it and believing that anyone genuinely feels it, especially when they don’t know me. Because of that, I’ve avoided discussing it at all until one of your recent posts.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Marcus says:

    It is difficult at best trying to accept the unknown – but it doubles (at least) when applied to someone we have grown attached to in any form.
    I understand the drive to just “stop and disappear” — but it sure doesn’t make it any easier to accept when someone else does.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Miriam says:

    I know exactly what you mean. One blogger I really connected with had stress issues and then suddenly was gone which I found worrying. And I’ll never know. Such is the world of blogging I guess.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. My Heart Your Shelter says:

    I had a stalking issue on social media in the past. It makes me ready to pull the plug quickly. Better safe than sorry I think. I’m discovering that blogging can take a lot of time. It think lack of time might be a big reason people disappear or cut down on their time to comment.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I get concerned when a blogger/commenter I’ve been following and interacting with vanishes without any explanation. It’s happened several times and it’s very disturbing.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Izrael says:

    The sad truth about the online community. I think that sometimes it’s just life that gets in the way of them to be involved anymore. They might get too busy or just something unexpected happens.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Janice Wald says:

    Hi Lucky Otter’s Haven,
    Like others here, I can totally relate. There was a blogger I got really close with. I felt we were friends. She just stopped blogging. I was so concerned. I Emailed her but did not receive a response.
    Then, one day, she just started blogging again. When I expressed relief, she acted like we were strangers. Then, she stopped again. I agree with what someone here wrote. This appears to be the nature of blogging.
    Janice

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Susan says:

    awww hmm well don’t you go and do that I will freak out!! and wonder greatly!!

    Liked by 1 person

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