Death, Prince, “the void,” and loss of control.

Update on my death phobia.

Down the Rabbit Hole


A few days ago, I wrote an article about my fear of death for my other blog. I fear death for a lot of reasons, which the post explains in detail, but I think my biggest fear is the prospect of complete ego loss, which for me means dissociation which inevitably leads to panic.

But my fear has been getting out of hand lately, and becoming obsessive. Not to the point where I can’t function, but to the point where it interferes with my being able to enjoy life or even think for very long about anything else. So I’d say it’s a problem, or becoming one. It’s one thing that’s getting worse rather than better.

I talked about this tonight in session. It’s nothing new, but it’s been with me for a long time, always lurking in the back of my mind no matter what I’m doing. It’s so…

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About luckyotter

This blog is my journal. I just choose to share it with the world instead of keeping everything inside my head. I'm a recovering Borderline and have also struggled with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I also have Complex PTSD due to having been the victim of narcissistic abuse for most of my life. I write mostly about narcissism, because I was the child of a narcissistic mother, and then married to a sociopathic malignant narcissist for 20 years. But there's a silver lining too. In some ways they taught me about myself. This blog is about all that. Not all my articles will be about NPD, BPD or other personality disorders or mental conditions. I pretty much write about whatever's on my mind at the moment. So there's something for everyone here. Blogging about stuff is crack for my soul. It's self therapy, and hopefully my insights and observations may help others too.
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One Response to Death, Prince, “the void,” and loss of control.

  1. Quick thought here Lucky Otter. I thought it was interesting that you described death as a complete loss of ego. When in labor, as when about to give birth to a child, is there a complete loss of ego? I’ve never died(obviously), nor have I been in labor(as I didn’t have any children), but, I was wondering if there was ego loss in the one, maybe you could better tolerate the idea of the other(because you’d been there before).


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