Death, Prince, “the void,” and loss of control.

Update on my death phobia.

Down the Rabbit Hole


A few days ago, I wrote an article about my fear of death for my other blog. I fear death for a lot of reasons, which the post explains in detail, but I think my biggest fear is the prospect of complete ego loss, which for me means dissociation which inevitably leads to panic.

But my fear has been getting out of hand lately, and becoming obsessive. Not to the point where I can’t function, but to the point where it interferes with my being able to enjoy life or even think for very long about anything else. So I’d say it’s a problem, or becoming one. It’s one thing that’s getting worse rather than better.

I talked about this tonight in session. It’s nothing new, but it’s been with me for a long time, always lurking in the back of my mind no matter what I’m doing. It’s so…

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About luckyotter

Recovering from BPD and C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse from childhood. Married to a sociopath for 20 years. Proud INFJ, Enneagram type 4w5. Animal lover, music lover, cat mom, unapologetic geek, fan of the absurd, progressive Catholic, mom to 2, mental illness stigma activist, anti-Trumper. #RESISTANCE
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One Response to Death, Prince, “the void,” and loss of control.

  1. Quick thought here Lucky Otter. I thought it was interesting that you described death as a complete loss of ego. When in labor, as when about to give birth to a child, is there a complete loss of ego? I’ve never died(obviously), nor have I been in labor(as I didn’t have any children), but, I was wondering if there was ego loss in the one, maybe you could better tolerate the idea of the other(because you’d been there before).


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