More narcissist word salad.

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I found this rambling diatribe on a forum for bereaved parents. I understand there is always anger during the grieving process, even toward the deceased, but the entire manner and tone of this post, as well as the whiney, self-pitying, blaming attitude and total lack of empathy for her deceased child’s emotional needs, screams NPD. I didn’t see any other posts by this author on the forum. Note the contradictions and inconsistencies, the irrelevant interjections, and the total disregard for her child’s emotional (as opposed to material) needs.

I’m suspecting the deceased daughter was the family scapegoat, who she seems to regard unfavorably. It doesn’t surprise me too much she would have been suicidal.

Hello, I hope you can all help me figure out what I’m supposed to do. I can’t stop crying the tears are always right on the surface, I had to quit my job because of what an emotional wreck I am. You can’t have someone running a busy, productive office if they’re always mopping up their eyes with mascara streaks everywhere and blowing their nose, can you. I never used to be like that. I could always hold my composure, which is why I always make a good impression on interviews and why I always get promoted. Well, not anymore, so I had to quit. I couldn’t concentrate. It was quit or be fired! What has made me such an emotional basket case is this. My beautiful, perfect daughter killed herself in January. She was 18. She swallowed a bottle of pills and downed them with liquor. I always told her she should go to AA because of her drinking but she never listened. She never did what I or her father advised. Oh, she was a rebel. Always a spitfire. After she did this she did not call anyone and she didn’t leave a note. Of course this shattered me, her father, and her brothers and sister, who all of us only tried to help her. We didn’t deserve to have her do this to us. She always got everything she always wanted. She wanted to be in pageants when she was a little girl, so we spent thousands of dollars on dresses, tiaras, fees, hotels, etc. and we never pushed her, she wanted to do this. But she changed her mind when she was 12 and decided she didn’t like it anymore. All that money we spent for no reason. She got everything–the new car, the computer, the new big screen TV, the gadgets, all the clothes, makeup, jewelry, everything she wanted! She had no reason to be depressed! Last Christmas we took her on an expensive Ski trip to Colorado and she spent the entire time watching TV instead of out on the slopes. We tried to talk to her but she wouldn’t budge, just sit there sullenly sulking and making things very unpleasant for the rest of us. She was never an easy child, no sirree! She was a fussy baby who cried all night and all day, a tantrum throwing toddler, an unruly child, a rebellious teenager. Even when I was pregnant she gave me trouble. I developed gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with her (not with my first two children, she was my third) and I threw up almost every day for the entire nine months! Maybe we gave her too many things, but we always tried everything to make her happy. I just don’t understand how a child who is given everything–all the expensive and beautiful clothes, good food and plenty of it, good schools, a nice room with her own bathroom and sitting area, how a child like that can be so unhappy. She acted like she hated me! I never did anything to her, I was always giving her what she wanted and trying to make her happy! I was a good mom, even my other children always tells me what a good mother I am and my friends think so too! They are jealous because I am such a good mother and they have so much to learn. I don’t know what I did to deserve a child who acted like she hated me and then had to go and make things even worse by killing herself. The ultimate slap in the face! I just don’t know what to do, where did I go wrong? This should never have happened! If she had not been so hard headed and done the things we told her to do (like go into real estate–her father is a successful Realtor) [My note: You said your daughter was 18 so that makes no sense!] instead of pursuing all these wild pipe dreams then she would have been happy and would not have done this horrible thing to her family. And not even have the decency to leave a note? Please tell me what I can do to cope with this mess. Oh god, I’m crying again. Please help me.

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About luckyotter

Recovering from BPD and C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse from childhood. Married to a sociopath for 20 years. Proud INFJ, Enneagram type 4w5. Animal lover, music lover, cat mom, unapologetic geek, fan of the absurd, progressive Catholic, mom to 2, mental illness stigma activist, anti-Trumper. #RESISTANCE
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12 Responses to More narcissist word salad.

  1. bp7o9 says:

    Oh, vomit! All over everything.

    Thanks for reminding me what my mother and sister could sound like. Memory tends to soften some things. This brings it all back, every point sharpened to a razor.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That is sick. Utterly self-centered and hateful. It is so blatantly narcissistic, I wonder if maybe it isn’t for real. Maybe someone wrote that as a parody? What do you think, Lucky, are you sure this was really written by a “grieving mother”?

    The part you pointed out that makes no sense, where the writer is complaining because her 18-year-old daughter didn’t go into real estate — you are right, it doesn’t make any sense. Maybe that’s because this isn’t a real mother writing about a real situation. It could be that someone made this story up just for laughs, and they didn’t think it through enough.

    Liked by 3 people

    • luckyotter says:

      It’s possible, it occurred to me it could have been a troll or made up. But why would anyone do that on such a forum? Unfortunately there are people in the world like this, who are entirely self centered and see nothing wrong with themselves. She asked” where did I go wrong?” Like she would have really wanted to know, HAHAHAHA!
      There were no responses, by the way. Maybe this “person” decided not to bother writing anything else or maybe they were banned. Who knows?

      Liked by 2 people

  3. PorterGirl says:

    Wow. I can’t believe anyone would actually write that and put it out for public consumption. Grief is a weird thing and affects people differently but there is not even a hint of concern for the poor deceased girl. I hope wherever she is, she has found peace, because she certainly wouldn’t find it with this family.

    Like

  4. katiesdream2004 says:

    If that post was real or fake, the writer captured well the typical things a narcissist would say. This for example “Even when I was pregnant she gave me trouble.” It sounds like the narc victim was depressed when they went skiing rather than recognise her suffering the narc is blaming the teenager for ruining their fun.
    The girl could have been saying I want to go to college to be a nurse or something and indicating she had no interest in the family business of real estate. Perhaps it was despair that all her choices were mocked. In my family my hopes of a helping career were constantly belittled, put down and resisted. I think they wanted me poverty stricken and actually sabotaged my attempts to find a way to support myself other than janitorial work which I did for my dad for free as a teenager,

    I absolutely believe a major influence in suicidality is the presence of a narcissist. Adverse Childhood Experience ACE, a rigorous long term study conducted by the CDC found strong correlations between depression, suicide attempts and a myriad of heath problems in the lives of abuse survivors. http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/acestudy/findings.html

    This article speaks of the fact that situations are more likely the culprit behind so called mental illness with genetics have less role than it is being credit for. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/12205847/Mental-illness-mostly-caused-by-life-events-not-genetics-argue-psychologists.html

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      I’ll read these. I definitely think suicide or suicidal ideation and depression is much more common in families run by a narc than those not run by one. I think my family secretly wanted me to live in poverty too, even though they prided themselves on their “upper middle class” status and did everything they could to make my road to success as difficult as possible. I was given no tools and told to sink or swim. Well, they got their wish because I’m a woman in her 50s living in poverty and still trying to find a way out of it. They blame me for the “dumb choices” I made. 🙄

      Like

  5. She starts by calling her daughter “perfect,” then goes on to elaborate on all the things that were wrong with her. Make up your mind, woman.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. hbsuefred says:

    I didn’t read what you’ve posted but have a comment based on conversations I’ve had w/Sis who reminded me that our NPD mom also didn’t have “perfect” parents. I’m staring a genealogical search which I expect may reveal that our grandparents on Mom’s side didn’t have “perfect” parents either. Bottom line is my philosophy that the only person whose reactions, behaviors, etc. we each can control is one’s self. I do my best not to judge others as I cannot “walk a mile in his/her moccasins.”

    Liked by 1 person

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