My low frustration tolerance.

stress

I’ve always been an impatient person, especially when it comes to trying to learning something new or getting something to work.   When I was a child, I regularly burst into tears of frustration or became agitated if I couldn’t solve a math problem (even though my father used to teach college level algebra, the math genes seem to have bypassed me), solve a difficult puzzle, or get a battery operated toy to work.

I still get frustrated with myself in jobs that have a high learning curve, if I don’t pick up things as fast as I think I should.    Maybe it’s because I set unrealistic standards of perfection for myself, or maybe my BPD lack of emotional regulation makes it hard for me to cope with very much frustration. Or maybe I’m just dumb with some things.

Many of us who blog know Opinionated Man is busy setting up his new self-hosted website and documenting every frustration, mishap, challenge and success–no matter how small–as he moves along in his new journey.   I give the man props for undertaking this risk, because to me, it seems like a huge risk, even though (for him at least) it’s a risk worth all the toil and tears.   It’s great to own your own home, but owning your own home means you have to do all the maintenance and repairs yourself (or contract them out), even if you do get to tear down walls, install Roman fountains in the living room, build a sarcophagus in the bathroom, and paint the exterior orange and purple. Personally, I think Opinionated Man has the patience of Job. Every day I read his running commentary on the transition to self hosting and I can do nothing but gawk in amazement as if he’s from another galaxy.

low_frustration_tolerance

I for one don’t know how he does it.   Self-hosting seems incredibly difficult to me, especially after the things he’s been describing!  On top of that, I’d be gnawing my cuticles down to bloody stumps of bone and flesh over the anxiety of possibly losing everything I’ve worked so hard on–or completely f’ing it up beyond repair.   My low frustration tolerance couldn’t handle that!  I’d be going nuts!  I think if it were me, they’d be carting me off to the loony bin about now.

So for the foreseeable future, until and if I have no other choice, I’m going to keep “renting” my domain from WordPress and let them take care of all the maintenance, even if it means I can’t tear down walls or change the color of my boring white walls.

 

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About luckyotter

This blog is my journal. I just choose to share it with the world instead of keeping everything inside my head. I'm a recovering Borderline and have also struggled with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I also have Complex PTSD due to having been the victim of narcissistic abuse for most of my life. I write mostly about narcissism, because I was the child of a narcissistic mother, and then married to a sociopathic malignant narcissist for 20 years. But there's a silver lining too. In some ways they taught me about myself. This blog is about all that. Not all my articles will be about NPD, BPD or other personality disorders or mental conditions. I pretty much write about whatever's on my mind at the moment. So there's something for everyone here. Blogging about stuff is crack for my soul. It's self therapy, and hopefully my insights and observations may help others too.
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19 Responses to My low frustration tolerance.

  1. Thumbup says:

    LOL! I am the same as you! I don’t burst into tears, I go break stuff! LOL! Yup! OM’s fantastic! It’s like being on an adventure watching him go through all this!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Well it is a good thing you don’t have to make the move though. You are allowed to use wordads! 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    It has indeed been frustrating and thrilling at the same time! I am thankful for those that have helped with info along the way and I will continue to share what I learn! I have a big post coming up on it. 🙂 -OM
    Note: Comments disabled here. Please visit their blog.

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  4. ibikenyc says:

    Oh. . . ya mean, not EVERYBODY expects to do a thing perfectly the first time?

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Miriam says:

    I’m with you though I take my hat off to OM. He’s a great example of perserverance and determination. As for me, I’ll keep renting!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Linda Lee says:

    I’ve been considering moving away from WordPress if they don’t fix the problem I’m having with no one getting any notifications when I comment on their blogs. But seeing what Opinionated Man is going through has kept me from making that move. Maybe I will just open another WP account under another pen name and move everything there.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. He’s a brave guy all right.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. hbsuefred says:

    It’s a good thing I don’t care if anyone clicks, likes, or comments on my blog. I thus disagree with the position taken in your previous post (reposted from someone else so I don’t know if it’s a position you share.) You could probably guess at this nonchalance based on the the amount of time that passes between my paltry posts.
    In all fairness to myself, though, part of this attitude is rooted in the fear and frustration that I share with you when it comes to trying anything new, including the fear that I’ll “lose” what I already have in the process. For all of us fraidy cats, though, let’s bear in mind that old business thought. Risk vs reward is the basis for deciding if and when to take any action.

    Liked by 1 person

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