The Social Rules I Break

Fivehundredpoundpeep’s blog is so wonderful I wish I could reblog everything she writes, but this one really stood out to me, and being that tonight I just don’t feel like writing much, this will stand in for an original article (which I may do later anyway if I have time).

This article is about how this narcissistic abuse survivor (one who had truly evil parents, even worse than my mother) copes as an Aspie living in our shallow, narcissistic, materialistic society that seems to have no respect anymore for the things in life that really matter. We live in a world that expects us to wear a fake smile and pretend everything is la-de-da even when it ain’t so. Go ahead and break their dumb rules, Peep! They deserve to be broken.

The Social Rules I Break!

1. Never talk about anything too negative or intense or intellectual.

idiocracy

Aspies cope by analyzing things, this means fully facing reality and dealing with the way life really is. Smiling stoicism is not our natural setting. It is our suck it up and avoid getting beaten up default setting among strangers. It’s hard. Why are things like this? Sometimes the human world seems like it is run like the animal world, and if any individual exhibits any weakness, they are pecked to death like in the chicken world.

One thing I notice some neurotypicals get into, is that one is never to share or display pain or vulnerability. Maybe there is the good reason for that for self protection from narcs but it helps the narcissists rule, because no one has the ability to talk about anything real. Sometimes, I feel like I have to censor myself constantly around some neurotypicals. One thing about our society is the powers that be want the serfs to smile and not cause trouble. Don’t help them out. No one is feeling their feelings. No one’s crying and patting heads in the American Hunger Games.

There is some scary stuff happening in our society where talking about troubles means you are a bad person. New philosophies are teaching people that anyone who has bad things happen to them is at fault. The Bible admits that life is full of tribulation. The graveyard whistlers don’t want to admit that poverty or bad things can happen to them so they want you to shut up so they can shut their eyes to the human pain around them and play their video games or live in fantasy. A lot of our world now is manufactured around Roman “bread and circuses” and well, no one is supposed to be bawling their eyes out in the circus or discussing the stampeding barbarians outside of the tent.

You are to keep the smile on at all times. I can see emotions becoming a thing of a past in our growing narcissistic world. All emotions but anger and glee will be canceled out. Watch an old movie sometime and notice a few people cry in there, or feel loss. Men of the 1950s have no problem speaking of romantic love. People cry. You will know that the emotional landscape has been extremely altered even since the 1980s. Us Aspies are outsiders and are viewing this stuff. An old Aspies sees these wide changes, while many within the heating up pot are clueless.

Aspies are being really oppressed by the appearances oriented society we have now, where we are told to hide any bad stuff. However it goes deeper then this, there is a severe anti-intellectualism now in our culture. If you are an intellectual in America, you are written off as a “nerd”. I remember this started sometime around the 1980s with the “Revenge of the Nerds”. Only weirdos and social ingrates sit around and talk about history or obesity conspiracy. While I can explore theories and topics with many Aspie friends and maybe one or two good-minded neurotypicals, the majority of neurotypicals seem angered by intellectual forays. You can even avoid religious and other topics and discuss a neutral one, and still manage to anger a few people without meaning too. One Aspie incredible joy is intellectual banter and discovery, so it gets very sad that around some neurotypicals, this joyful part of our personality is to be suppressed. I know among my family, discussing any intellectual endeavors fell flat. The most neutral thing pissed them off. They seemed bored, wanting to show something off instead.

I want to dive deep into the ocean, while many neurotypicals are telling me to stay in the puddle, and splash. Am I too intense? Maybe. I like humor, jokes and funny movies like anyone else, but I feel so repressed at times. Often in the world, I am this very quiet person. I learned long ago opening my mouth got me in trouble more often then not. Sometimes I bounce between “just being me and letting the chips fall where they may” and running back to the corner to hide. I can’t handle having endless enemies and fighting endless battles. I like blogging because I can talk about things openly.

2. Maintain your Status.

status-anx

Status is too important to to many out there. I don’t feel like playing the king or queen of the mountain games. If I had money, all of you know, I would not going to spend it on a giant McMansion in the suburbs with a double sink and granite counters in the kitchen. Boring! Aspies usually are bored to death via competition. It bores us or troubles us. We derive no joy from smashed up opponents on the ballfield. I never wanted to destroy anyone else to get their bennies or climb to the top. Status to me seemed a useless thing but it is so important in our world. Sometimes I have told Asperger friends my theory that a lot [not all] of neurotypicals operate according to status. Many of their mental and emotional battles are hierarchy maneuvers that a great deal of energy is dedicated to.

Whose on top? Whose on bottom? Who cares! Sadly here too, with our growing narcissistic society this has only grown worse. The narcissists want to be in charge and want control. One thing that will happen to Aspies is sometimes they will get thrown under the bus, because they may be a threat to someone’s status. Every little Aspie remembers the people in school who would be nice to you in private but pick on you in front of the bullies. Going back to the pecking chickens again, group status and dynamics have some really poison attributes to them. This is how conformity is demanded and expected and any “stand-outs” smashed down with a hammer.

Our entire world world is based on status, and well this is one reason some Aspies may really suffer. While we want to be left alone in peace and just want to do our jobs in the work place, this doesn’t happen. The games and drama to establish the social order and status seem never ending. I always had the thought before, if all these narc and social pecking order games were ended, that society could advance somewhere more decent. You would have your flying cars and cured diseases because Marge and Sally and George and Henry would be busier working and innovating rather then fighting, backstabbing and reporting each other to the boss.

There is always someone who is going to have a higher grade point or or more money. Aspies are more loner types. We do not feel like playing the “Big Cheese” or selling ourselves. Perhaps this is a bad thing and why too many Aspies who lack sellable savant or computer skills, end up broke. The world sometimes feels like a bunch of screaming matches where the narcs are on the stage screaming “Look at me, dammit!”, the non-narc enablers in the audience and some of us decided to leave the theatre while being sick of it all. A lot of status seeking is empty to the Christian and those with a more spiritual mind-set, but as I look out in the world, that is what so much of it is about.

3. Conform in dress, opinion and thought.

different

I’m failing that one big time. As I age, I realize there are many people who simply aren’t going to like me for the opinions I hold. There are times in life where I have found out someone has flat out hated my guts. These are people I never had one argument or debate with in my entire life. How did this happen? They hate me because I’m different.

Surprise, Surprise! Us Aspies can offend some neurotypicals just by just being ALIVE! If you are Aspie trust me it will happen. I know I’m not politically correct, and everyone’s cup of tea, but one thing Aspies have to develop is a thick skin, especially if you are going to fly all your weirdo flags. People either love you or hate you when you are an Aspie. There are many times where I am simply hated for breaking some social rule I don’t know about. I try to be nice, so wasn’t rude to anyone. Sometimes just being me is enough to make this happen. Sometimes it is because I simply do not conform.

I have noticed too many people’s opinions all match now. There are the independent thinkers who don’t fit in the Republican or Democratic box, but have you noticed over the last 30 years people started to match their official demographics. I’ve had people get mad at me for things they thought I believed based on demographical assumptions.

Don’t get me started on dress. I noticed someone wrote that manufacturers had streamlined the clothes for the global market, and that is why fashion creativity for the average person died on the alter of expediency. I’m old enough to remember different styles and colors and patterns. People get mad sometimes now if you don’t dress like them. If you see a person with an individual style, don’t lose them, it means something today.

The herd expects too much conformity now. You think the 1950s were the conformity society, they couldn’t beat the 2010s. While they advertised fake freedom and “choices” for the masses via entertainment, actually the screws got tightened down more.

There is a reason weird Uncle Charlie or Aunt Lucy could still get some kind of job 50 years ago but sit unemployed now. There’s a reason it feels so hard to make friends. I get this complaint from non-Aspies. There’s a reason going to work at the office feels like a session of mental gladiators and a back-stab fest. Something is really wrong. The cultural rules have grown tighter and tighter and life I would say has gotten tough for the Aspie in this way, even if there is more discussion of disability rights and cultural awareness on the surface level.

19 thoughts on “The Social Rules I Break

  1. ” Go ahead and break their dumb rules, Peep! They deserve to be broken. :

    LOL you made me laugh with that line. I agree they deserve to be broken. One friend tells me the rulers make the rules. Now we have narcs making too many rules, and their rules are BAD!

    Liked by 1 person

        • Narcissism is a thing now and that’s good because it’s exposing them and educating people about what they do. Most people are well aware of narcissistic personality disorder now. That didn’t used to be the case.

          I certainly hope NPD isn’t removed from the DSM. I heard it might be. Some psychologists don’t consider it a mental disorder anymore. I think that in itself speaks of how narcissistic our society has become, where the abnormal and sick becomes normal and functional.

          Like

  2. I am not an Aspie but I 100% relate to this post! I had to google “neurotypical” and found the website: http://www.neurotypical.com/ I guess I’d be considered a neurotypical, but I find “neurotypical” behavior actually pretty offensive and feel like an outsider. Especially what the website labels as “neurotypical syndrome”: “a neurobiological disorder characterized by preoccupation with social concerns, delusions of superiority, and obsession with conformity. Neurotypical individuals often assume that their experience of the world is either the only one, or the only correct one. NTs find it difficult to be alone and are often intolerant of seemingly minor differences in others. When in groups NTs are socially and behaviorally rigid, and frequently insist on the performance of dysfunctional, destructive, and even impossible rituals as a way of maintaining group identity. NTs find it difficult to communicate directly, and have a much higher incidence of lying as compared to persons on the autistic spectrum.”

    Liked by 1 person

    • Interesting. I never heard of “neurotypical syndrome” but it sounds quite a bit like NPD, except they are more obsessed with conforming (conformity is seen in some narcs but not all– it’s not in the DSM diagnostic criteria) . But the other two characteristics, especially “delusions of superiority” fit.

      Liked by 1 person

      • It sounds like a tongue in cheek description but sadly a lot of my experiences with neurotypicals have been like that. There are nice ones and exceptions to the rule of course.
        Aspies want honest sharing to me it seems while “saving face” among neurotypicals stops that in it’s tracks. I notice NTs do act in tandem with groups much more often too, and love the line about “group rituals” [football?]

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I found myself really relating to a lot of this as far as feeling like I’m on the outside looking in a lot of the time in my life. And finding the frustration in wanting and attempting intellectual and meaningful conversations when the other person/people would rather talk about meaningless material crap or trash other people.

    I do find myself wondering, as I read, if I run along the Asperger’s syndrome and have even pondered the commonalities between someone with severe depression and autism.

    Lucky Otter and Fivehundredpoundpeep…do you think Asperger’s is something people are born with only or do you think it can also be something that develops over time as a result of abuse?

    Liked by 1 person

    • As for your question about whether Aspergers can develop over time, I really am not sure. Most experts believe people are born with it, and I’m almost positive I was but was never diagnosed until I was in my 40s–and at first I was self-diagnosed (later a psychiatrist confirmed it).

      No one could figure out quite what was wrong with me when I was a kid, but I fit the Aspie description to a T. I am not even sure it was recognized as a disorder in the 60s and 70s. Autism was, but when people talked about autism, they were referring to low-functioning autistics–the type that are so dysfunctional they seem mentally retarded and some cannot care for themselves. High functioning autistics (Aspies) were just lost in the shuffle, tended to be bullied, and acted weird in general. If we got bullied, we were blamed for it. We were told to “fight back” or “stand up for yourself.” I was taken to psychiatrists and psychologists and no one could figure out exactly what my problem was. They tried to treat me with low dose tranquilizers (Benadryl was used for children) but that didn’t work too well, just made me fall asleep in class.

      I’m glad Aspergers (autism spectrum per DSM but I prefer the term Aspergers) is being diagnosed and recognized today while kids are still young. While there is no cure or medication for it, Aspies can be trained to act in more socially appropirate ways (usually with CBT, which is also used on people with NPD and other disorders) to act more “normally” and learn social skills, even though they still cannot read social cues.

      I’m also very happy the bullying issues Aspie kids almost always have to face as children are now being addressed and bullying has become a very well publicized issue with legal/criminal ramifications. Bullying is taken seriously now, where in the past it wasn’t.

      If you wonder where you stand, you could get professionally evaluated and find out if you have Aspergers. Personally, I think having narcissistic parents can cause the disorder as a method of self protection (Aspies sort of “turn themselves off” from the world and other people), but this is just my opinion and there is no proof or studies to back that up.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yes, your answer makes a lot of sense. I think I will ask my therapist next time I see her if there’s a way for me to officially test. I would love to know what a test would tell.

        This brings up so much for me, I can’t even put it into words yet. Thank you for posting this. I got a lot out of it and in fact I’m going to go get that book Status Anxiety from the library.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I remember back in the 70s, the “refrigerator mother” theory of autism was popular, and then later on was abandoned. I think it has validity though. It’s just so weird the way so many narcissists seems to have children with Aspergers/autism. There’s got to be a correlation there.

        Like

  4. Precisely correct, regarding your observations (and those of others). I agree entirely.

    Regarding Narcissists seemingly ‘creating’ autists, consider this possibility: since NPS are *obsessed* with image, they are uniquely sensitive to the state of their ‘social capital’ / ‘mana’. (mana: Polynesian term for life-force. references ‘magic’). Mana is a most-tangible thing to Normies in general, but NPS (narcissistic persons) are ‘more-normal-than-normal’ in that way.

    The Normal comprehension of Mana is that it’s something like an invisible field of varying reach and density; and as this field is absolutely real, it requires continual maintenance. Much of what Normies/NPS do amounts to ‘Mana-maintenance’. (e.g impression-management).

    If it sounds like I’m equating Nts with NPS – well, I am. The precise same action is happening under the hood, and if one is autistic, the behaviors are often too close to tell apart!

    To the Normal *mind*, the sum total of ‘life’ amounts to how much Mana one has. (note: this has always been the case. It is simply more obvious now than it was years ago). Therefore, a chief aspect of Normalism is to be *always* seeking to grow one’s Mana, both in volume and in density.

    This is done by “associating with people and organizations having *more* Mana, and avoiding those with less.” The principle is simple: Man is a slippery substance; it requires constant *grooming* and other maintenance so as to merely ‘stay put’ – and since there is a finite supply of the (accursed) stuff, all relations regarding Mana are zero-sum.

    In short: want Mana? Then steal it! Want to keep it? Guard it diligently and with jealousy, assuming all others to be thieves and worse – because they ARE!

    The chief trouble, if one is an autist, however, is that one is perceived to be a *black hole* regarding Mana. This is why all Normies avoid /dehumanize / abuse autists. It’s why they want us dead (cured) – and, as NPS are essentially ‘extreme Normies’ – they are simply extremely vigilant in perception of ‘black holes’ regarding their ‘precious bodily fluids’ – and, because ‘Mana IS life’ to the same extreme degree, therefore NPS are the ultimate expression of ***Curebies***.

    Yup; NPS are Curebies, and, as a rule, Curebies are Nps. – and, the corollary is especially true: “death is much preferable to being autistic to even the ***smallest*** degree.”

    Mana is life (to Normies…)

    Like

  5. Wow! I’m totally blown away! I can related to every one of these. I do so agree with you, that I don’t know where to begin. I’ve always thought of myself as a free thinker, but since I could relate to so much of this. The things you wrote described me to a T.

    What I do find most frustrating is no one wants to have an intelligent conversation, & would rather just be told what to think & how to feel, like a herd of sheep. It really angers me when people think your crazy just because you think outside the box.

    It has been my theory that that reason society says there is so much more mental illness is because they put a label on something they don’t understand in the first place.

    Besides wasn’t the hippie 60’s all about giving all of us a voice to be heard?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Naomi–thank you but I didn’t write this article–another blogger named Fivehundredpoundpeep over at Blogspot did. She’s an amazing blogger.
      But yes, I completely agree with you, and it really angers me the way most people would rather chit chat over inconsequental things and give people like us side-eye because we want to talk about deeper or more obscure topics. I for one hate small talk and having to make it. I’m so bad at it. I so much prefer intellectual conversations about things that matter.

      Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.