I knew it would happen. I just didn’t think it would be this soon.
My daughter will be out of jail in 3 days and isn’t looking forward to moving back in with Paul with her MN father living there, but at the same time she struggles with feeling responsible for whether her father has a place to live or not.
He tells her she is.
He’s full of shit.
He cajoles, he manipulates, he lies. He threatens suicide.
I stopped falling for that suicide crap a year ago. He will never kill himself.
Paul called me and we talked for two hours. He told me everything that’s been going on.
The way Michael lies on the couch all day trolling political websites and sleeping, and stays up all night pacing the house. Like a damn vampire.
The way he puts the dirty dishes in the sink but never rinses them and never puts them in the dishwasher.
The way he’s using some of Molly’s old drug using friends to triangulate against Paul, messaging them on Facebook that he’s too controlling (when he’s the best thing that ever happened to her).
WHO DOES THAT?
He squanders his disability on lottery tickets and never has any money to contribute to household expenses.
He trashed my character and told Paul how crazy I am and what a horrible person I am because I finally had the guts to kick him out.
“That crazy bitch made me homeless,” he whined. It’s an endless refrain, on an infinite time loop.
He sneaks around and listens to Paul’s phone calls to Molly.
Paul is going through (on a lesser scale) what I went through. He knows. I will never need to worry again that I might be thought the crazy one.
Now he wants him gone. Out by January 1. Good.
It was all a game, an elaborate fortress built of smoke and mirrors and lies, to obscure and deflect the truth. Now it’s all come crashing down and Michael has lost all his narcissistic supply. Oh, boo hoo.
Paul is afraid Michael living at the house when Molly returns will destroy his relationship with my daughter. He’s right: he’ll attempt to create a wedge between them with his gaslighting and triangulating and lies. He’s already started by telling him lies about Molly when she’s not even there to defend herself. He does all this because stirring up drama and creating wedges between people is his sick idea of fun.
When he threw me out of the house when Molly was just 11, he told her I left of my own accord because I didn’t love her and her brother. I never knew this until years later. Molly held that against me for years and it messed up her head and she got addicted to drugs to escape and that’s part of the reason she’s in jail. She may be N herself. But that’s what he does. He’s a rapist who rapes people’s minds instead of their bodies. Even his own kids. Because he’s an evil excuse for a human being. An empty rusted out tin can with sharp edges lying on a toxic waste dump.
To Paul, I wanted to say “I told you so” but instead I told him I’d not wanted to get involved and just let the cards fall where they may–but always had a feeling this would happen. I’d hoped he’d have better luck dealing with Michael because they don’t have a long past behind them. They don’t have kids together. Maybe Michael would be different with him. Maybe he’d change! It wasn’t any of my business anyway if he lived with them or not.
Michael hasn’t changed. Of course he hasn’t. Narcissists never change. He’s the poster child for the Needy Malignant Narcissist. He cares about no one and nothing but himself, acts like the world owes him a living but without him giving anything in return. He likes to destroy relationships because he’s bored and miserable and evil and that’s his idea of fun.
No doubt when Michael finds out he has to leave he’ll either fly into a narcissistic rage or cry and whine and threaten suicide. Paul says he’ll give him his first month’s rent back so he can go find a place. Knowing him, he’ll spend it on cigarettes and lottery tickets instead and he’ll have to go back to the Salvation Army, and then try to tell me what a douchebag Paul is.
I might have to renew my restraining order in February–just to make sure he doesn’t try to come back here.
He’s alienated everyone. No one wants him around anymore. And that’s no one’s fault but his own. Of course, in Michael’s disordered mind, he’s blameless and it’s everyone else who’s at fault for his sorry condition.
I was thinking about my mental state a year ago compared to today, and it’s as if I was a completely different person. Barely a person at all. Living like I was on automatic pilot. Going through the motions of life but not living. Marking time until death. I didn’t care; I thought I was dead already.
Now I feel like I’ve grown younger instead of older. I’ve found God. Doors that seemed locked to me forever are starting to open. Things I’d thought I’d lost for years have been found. Things I can’t believe would ever happen are starting to happen.
All because I got rid of the narc.
Now I can go over and see Paul and Molly on Christmas Day and bake my lasagna without having to deal with that sick piece of human waste lurking around and making everyone miserable with his stupid mindfuckery.
If you still live with your narc, beg, borrow or steal the courage if you must, but GET RID OF THEM. Hold your ground. Get angry. Righteous anger is our weapon and is healthy. It can even save your life. Go No Contact. There is no other way. These are dangerous people set out to destroy you and everything good you have. Don’t let them turn you into an empty shell. Don’t let them turn you into one of THEM.