1. Facebook. Your boss or your potential boss can spy on you and make character judgments based on what your updates say or what your photographs look like. Family members and old classmates you’d rather have nothing to do with can find you here. Companies can profile you and bombard you with ads for you to “like.” Facebook is fucking Big Brother. It’s going to take over the world someday. It must be stopped.
2. Stainless steel appliances. They look nice when new, but they’re hard to maintain and keep looking nice. They can’t take fingerprints and everything shows on them. After a few years they just start to look like shit. I’ll stick with plain old boring white appliances, thank you. Unfortunately, if you’re in the market for a new fridge or oven, they’re ALL in stainless steel these days.
3. The Kardashians. Famous for doing nothing at all. What the hell is so interesting about them?
4. Shrimp and other invertebrate seafood. Shrimp has a disturbing crunchy texture that reminds me of the exoskeletons of insects and arthropods. In fact, as members of Crustacea, shrimp, crab and lobster are biologically very close to Insectivora and Arthropoda. Sea-bugs for supper. Yum.
5. Vampires/zombies. They bore me. I’ll never get the neverending love affair America has with these uninteresting creatures.
6. Homeschooling. Kids don’t learn to interact with their peers, and most parents really aren’t cut out to be teachers. That said, I suppose there are some benefits for families who want to be able to control what their kids are exposed to. I’m not sure that’s always a good thing.
7. Autumn. There’s about a week where the trees actually look colorful, then it’s all downhill after that. While the weather is okay (in September and October), it’s getting colder and by November and December, it might as well be the middle of February. I don’t like fall because it reminds me that my least favorite season, winter, is coming. The days are getting shorter and everything is dying. It’s fucking depressing.
8. Snow. I ranted about it in this blog post.
9. Blonde hair. Women with blonde hair have to work extra hard to be taken seriously because everyone assumes they’re stupid. Blonde hair doesn’t age well and makes some people look washed out. Why 90% of women want to be blonde is a mystery.
10. Tans. The precursor to skin cancer, and they don’t look all that great anyway. I’d rather be pasty and free of both wrinkles and dangerous sun lesions for a few more years.
11. Christmas. The main problem I have with Christmas is how overcommercialized it has become. The day after Halloween it starts, and for almost two months we are made to feel guilty if we can’t afford the latest, most expensive gifts for our loved ones and can’t act jolly all the time. You can’t get away from it. Commercials and ads showing large, happy families sitting down enjoying a sumptuous Christmas meal with everyone opening gifts make me feel inferior and ashamed of my small, dysfunctional, impoverished family. One of my favorite radio stations during the rest of the year plays Christmas music 24/7 and it’s enough to make me want to stab Santa Claus.
12. Sushi. The package is nice but it’s RAW FISH. I’ll pass.
13. Major Sports (baseball, football, basketball, hockey). I just. don’t. care. Mmmmkay?
14. The news. I don’t like to get angry, and watching the news has an unfortunate tendency to make my blood boil. If it’s something I really need to know about, I figure it can’t be avoided anyway and I’ll be duly informed. Until then, I’m perfectly happy with my ignorant head stuck down here in the sand
15. Family Guy. Once upon a time it was funny (sort of). Now it’s just pathetic, recycling the same old lame jokes and unfunny cutaways. It’s time to put this show out of its misery. Peter is particularly insufferable.
16. Random, pointless lists ranting about things you think are overrated.