God is my guide and mentor.

crossroads_book

I don’t like to get all religious on this blog, but once again, God led me to a small thing that’s exactly what my soul needs.  Just about a month ago,  I found a wonderful book of devotions in the Laundromat. Those have been so helpful and comforting to me.

Today, I decided to look at the books that were marked-down at the grocery store, in hopes of finding an entertaining novel to read.  Maybe something fun like a “beach” novel, something I could enjoy and then give away when finished.    I usually avoid “Christian” novels because they’re not usually very well written (and are sometimes too obviously religious, which I find offputting).  Be that as it may, almost immediately a book called “Crossroads” by Christian author William Paul Young (author of “The Shack“) caught my eye.  I picked it up and read the blurb on the back, and I scanned a few pages.  Well, well, well.  Crossroads seems to be a book about an egotistical businessman who apparently developed a narcissistic, cold personality as a result of some sort of horrible trauma when he was younger.   He doesn’t believe in God and is cynical, materialistic, and unhappy.   One day he suffers a brain hemorrhage and almost dies.   I won’t spoil anything else (and besides, I haven’t read it yet so I don’t know what happens) but it’s got to involve this protagonist’s spiritual transformation.

Wow.  I write about narcissism; it’s a terrible problem in the world today and lately there’s a big part of me that wants to help not only victims of narcissistic abuse, but the narcissists themselves (in some kind of professional  or spiritual setting and context, of course–I am no contact with all my former narcissists and plan to remain so).

Coincidence?  No, I don’t think it is.  Finding this book (marked down to just $4, which was exactly what I had on me in cash!) couldn’t have been more perfect for someone like me at the particular stage I am at in my healing.   I found it when I was picking up a few food items after mass this morning, during which I had become particularly emotional during the Eucharist and felt filled with the Holy Spirit.

How can I doubt God when things like this keep happening?  I know he’s leading me in a direction unique to me and that everything that happened to me was training for whatever it is he’s leading me to do.  At this point, I trust his judgment much more than mine. When I try to make my own choices without God’s guidance, I usually make terrible ones.

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About luckyotter

Recovering from BPD and C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse from childhood. Married to a sociopath for 20 years. Proud INFJ, Enneagram type 4w5. Animal lover, music lover, cat mom, unapologetic geek, fan of the absurd, progressive Catholic, mom to 2, mental illness stigma activist, anti-Trumper. #RESISTANCE
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21 Responses to God is my guide and mentor.

  1. Barb Knowles says:

    We are completely on the same page today! I have a post coming out tomorrow about how God led me back to mass. And a wonderful friend of mine at my new church gave me just the book I need to read today. Again, getting all religious here, but I prayed to be filled with the Holy Spirit and got just what I needed when I needed it. Thank you for your post!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Amen! God is awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. avaswan says:

    Yes, my life is getting so much better with God’s direction than using my own. I wish I had chosen his guidance when I was young!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. katiesdream2004 says:

    What an inspiring story today and I’m encouraged by it! I call these things, “God sightings” and it is encouraging to people to record these blessings that clearly have the hand of God on them. usually I don’t call a suffering event a God sighting but if I had eyes to see what He is doing in it, that might change perspective.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Prairie Girl says:

    Those times when God brings something my way that was just what I needed I truly experience Him as the God who has the count of every hair on my head. I feel special but humbled that He would notice me like that at the very same time.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Judy says:

    The secret of life is to figure out who God made you to be, rather than who you became, because of trauma during your childhood. I truly believe God has a special love for those who struggle to find their authentic selves, and will confirm to us that He has been there all along, even when we feel like orphans in a strange, foreign world. I like how you say Lucky Otter, it is always in retrospect, a dream that proved to be a premonition, or a sign that God was just – There. It is He who writes our story, and if we trust in His Goodness there is nothing we can’t do.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hisbannerovermeislove says:

      judy this blessed me so much i feel almost tearful…i know it was intended for LO and i dont want to steal her thunder but this really blessed me, because i feel i never had an identity…just a borrowed one i had to wear to be seen…..

      Liked by 1 person

  7. ashualec says:

    When we are overwhelmed and cannot take a step, He carries us through. Then he slowly keeps us back when He realizes that we are now strong enough to walk. If then if we heed His signs and follow them, we tend to follow to a better destiny.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. nikitalondon says:

    God is all. Believe always that his light is shining on you everyday ❤️ And that he loves you infinetly ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  9. justme says:

    hi it has been ages since i visited this blog. i’m a Christian recovering from diagnosis of BPD, hpd, NPD traits and abuse trauma, i relate to so much of this blog and Lucky Otter, you are awesome!!! i am back on my journey with God. it has been a rocky long one. at moment dealing with a lot of self hate, shame and fear (plus self harm and eating disorder, but i know God has my back! i couldn’t say that before for a long time. i thought He hated me because my abuser was a Christian. go figure…..i am healing from that now, thankfully

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      Welcome back, and I am so overjoyed to hear you are back on your journey with God! My faith has grown a lot during this blogging advenure–believe it or not, when I started it 2 years ago, I was still agnostic. Since then I have converted to Catholicism and am so happy I did.

      I also have another blog that might interest you because it focuses more on people who suffer from cluster b disorders rather than just their victims (and we are all abuse victims at the end of the day). It also has a more intimate feel than this blog, which has grown pretty big. It’s still a small blog and has a narrower focus but I think you’ll really like it so please visit.
      https://downtherabbitholeblog.org/

      Once again, congratulations on your reconciliation with Christianity. Unfortunately, many abusers use religion as a form of control, and the churches are full of malignant Ns who use God to shame and overpower others, and then don’t have to accept responsibility because, well, God told them it was ok!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hisbannerovermeislove says:

        aaaw. bless you. i don’t think my dad was a true Narc. just raging and very traumatised himself. but when i read blogs from people who have NPD parents it is scary how my dad used the same tactics to make me doubt myself…yet he is capable of showing genuine kindness. sometimes to us in the family but he always had the most time for those outside the family. he had a healing ministry for people who had issues like abuse, he would tell me often that my abuse was nothing compared to theirs and that i was just faking my issues for attention…i used to wonder why he couldn’t love me like he did those people he counselled… he showed them a loving God because he said they needed gentle treatment. for me i wasn’t considered to need that…..i still feel angry at God because i feel God didnt make me as lovable and deserving as these people my dad helpede. sad thing is i starrted off with genuine symptoms of PD but i got stuck in the sick role…i wanted to get even sicker so someone would validate me

        Liked by 1 person

        • luckyotter says:

          Do you think you might benefit from therapy? You seem a little confused about what you have, and even though I don’t care much for the labels, knowing what you have might help and then you can get the right kind of treatment. In the meantime, spend a lot of time in prayer and just talking to God, He does listen and he does care, and you are not a bad or worthless person, just a broken one in need of some healing. I hope that helps some.

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