What the hell?!

I was looking at websites about Easter candy, of all things, and tears just started pouring down my face. I don’t mean a few tears either, I’m talking about a damn river and this went on for about 45 minutes. I wasn’t sobbing or even really crying; it was like someone just turned the hose on. My nose was running too. I just kept reading the websites as if everything was business as usual. I tried to think about what emotion I was feeling and I don’t even know. It’s just pure, raw, unnameable, generic emotion, neither good nor bad, and not even particularly strong, but the release felt good. I think something loosened up inside me from tonight’s session. I wonder if this is a common thing.

I learned a little trick for getting more in touch with my emotions and allowing myself to experience them, and it’s surprisingly simple. Most people have a tendency to say things like “I am angry” or “I am sad.” But you aren’t your emotions, you just HAVE emotions. So, instead, if you can say “I feel angry” or “I have sadness,” it creates a bit of distance between yourself and your emotions, and paradoxically, that distance makes it safer to allow yourself to fully experience them. Of course, I have no idea WHAT I felt tonight, but it was still an emotion and I let myself experience it without fear or shame.

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About luckyotter

Recovering from BPD and C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse from childhood. Married to a sociopath for 20 years. Proud INFJ, Enneagram type 4w5. Animal lover, music lover, cat mom, unapologetic geek, fan of the absurd, progressive Catholic, mom to 2, mental illness stigma activist, anti-Trumper. #RESISTANCE
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8 Responses to What the hell?!

  1. Just Plain Ol' Vic says:

    You “okay” now?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Aww. I am glad you’re feeling better.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. S says:

    I like that, I feel rather than I am. Great tip and I’m going to use it myself from now on. Having a good cry can be the best medicine sometimes. Glad you are feeling better now.

    Liked by 2 people

    • luckyotter says:

      It’s really underrated tbh. Ilove the way people always think there’s something wrong and try to stop you from crying. Sometimes it isn’t that at all and can feel really good (I don’t let anyone see me cry though–I always cry alone).

      Like

  4. Lucky Otter! I just saw this brief viral video of a mother sea otter cuddling and napping with her day old pup, and I thought of you!
    http://videowall.accuweather.com/detail/videos/trending-now/video/4786254710001/too-cute:-day-old-sea-otter-pup-sleeps-on-mom?autoStart=true

    Amazing how “dumb animals” can be so much more loving and nurturing than certain human mother’s…

    Liked by 1 person

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