Feeling like a heel.

How are you supposed to feel when you had to go no contact with someone because they invaded your boundaries and then you find out they are in a lot of pain because of your rejection?   I know it was the right thing for me and I had no other choice, but it still makes me feel like a damn heel.

I don’t expect answers; it’s a rhetorical question.  I am not going to change my mind.

I guess this means I have a sufficient level of empathy, so there’s that.

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About luckyotter

This blog is my journal. I just choose to share it with the world instead of keeping everything inside my head. I'm a recovering Borderline and have also struggled with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I also have Complex PTSD due to having been the victim of narcissistic abuse for most of my life. I write mostly about narcissism, because I was the child of a narcissistic mother, and then married to a sociopathic malignant narcissist for 20 years. But there's a silver lining too. In some ways they taught me about myself. This blog is about all that. Not all my articles will be about NPD, BPD or other personality disorders or mental conditions. I pretty much write about whatever's on my mind at the moment. So there's something for everyone here. Blogging about stuff is crack for my soul. It's self therapy, and hopefully my insights and observations may help others too.
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8 Responses to Feeling like a heel.

  1. ibikenyc says:

    I struggle with this, too.

    I keep reminding myself of all those times he stood over me while I lay on the floor curled into the fetal position crying and choking and sobbing so hard I was gasping for breath, smirk-sneering, laughing, rolling his eyes, and snorting, “LOOK AT YOU! YOUR EYES ARE BUGGING OUT OF YOUR HEAD! It’s SHOWTIME, folks!!!!!” and all the times those EMOTIONAL EXCORIATIONS drove me to psychogenic seizures and, eventually, to the psych ward when the anticonvulsants pushed me the rest of the way to the suicidal ideation.

    I STILL feel pity for him (!), but it’s more and more the sort one feels for ousted dictators.

    Liked by 2 people

    • luckyotter says:

      Yes, it can and does go to those extremes. It did with my ex, until I reached a point where I hated him so much I no longer cared. This person may be a narcissist, in fact most likely they are, but it didn’t come anywhere near what you’re describing. Still, it was the right thing for me to do because it might have got worse later on. I just didn’t feel that safe anymore. I still feel bad that they feel hurt though but what did I expect?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Linda Lee says:

    Now I feel bad, too. Because I told you in a comment that I was glad you took a stand to protect yourself. I still am glad. But I don’t like to hurt anyone for any reason.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thumbup says:

    Yup, there’s that!

    Like

  4. Naomi says:

    I have to protect myself & my sanity first, above all else. If they would of treated me better, I wouldn’t of had to go no contact in the first place.

    I see them telling me how much they hurt, as a ploy to manipulate me back into their abuse.

    I no longer cross lakes for people, who wouldn’t cross a puddle for me.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Life your life for you.

    People can either be part of the solution or part of the problems. If it is a problem: solve it, forget it and move on!

    Liked by 1 person

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