Bree makes an excellent point here about the habit so many of us have when referring to the narcissists we have known intimately as “my” narcissist. Unfortunately I’m guilty of this. But it’s stupid when you think about it, referring to narcs this way, especially if we’ve gone No Contact. We have disengaged and disowned them so why would we still refer to something we no longer have or want as “my”? I’m reblogging this because I think it’s important for victims of narcissistic abuse to get out of this habit because little words like “my” can have the effect of keeping us emotionally connected, even if we no longer have contact with them.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”. What a huge lie we all grew up with on the playground at school. Actions may speak louder than words, but words DO hurt us, even our own. They also have the power to influence or destroy, liberate or enslave, encourage or shatter and attach or disconnect.
Perhaps, that’s why I just cringe every time I hear someone or myself say, “MY ex narcissist”. I recognize that many people might think I am making a big to-do about these 3 little words but every word we say matters. Words are so important. Even more than we realize. They literally shape our perceptions and our inner reality. The words we choose not only have a gigantic impact on our listeners but on ourselves as well.
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Lucky Otters Haven 
This is so true. It would definitely reinforce the Narc abuse.
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and yet so many of us say it all the time. Why?
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Probably because we were conditioned to believe we are extensions of them, and therefore we in return have issues separating from the ideology that the relationship was real.
What happened was real, and it is a form of a relationship, but the Narc can not make a true connection.
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Yes, it’s true–a relationship with a narcissist is very one sided. You relate, they use and discard.
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This reminds me of a verse in Proverbs that says “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” I have definitely found that the words we speak are extremely powerful — almost miraculously so.
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Hey everyone… Speaking of, “my.” And Narcissism. There is something I realized last night. I started to strum a violin for the first time. Its a myth that the violin is harder to play then the guitar.
I started to wonder why the status quo is hooked on the, “the violin is one of the most difficult instruments to play? And the answer is wealthy Narcissistic snobs want people to believe that tall tale…its like the Harvard…Julliard… Princeton… Yale musician who is full of Narcissistic fluff.
You have to wonder… Why are violin lessons, $100 and up an hour…where guitar lessons are $25 and up?? Once again…its all about snobs and their entitlements.
I say…go pick up a violin and throw a youtube tuturial on. If you can strum a guitar… You can strum a violin…
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And so I’ll say,….”my violin.” It’s a much better thing then a Narcissist.
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That’s an insult to violins. lol
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Oh my goodness. I do believe you are onto something. Brilliant deduction, Mary P!
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Thank you Alaina… 🙂
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Wow, Mary I think you are right (now I get the joke about calling a narc a violin–I commented before I read this)
If anything, the violin should be easier to play, because it has only 4 strings, instead of 6. I also agree those Ivy League schools really aren’t any better than a state university–or even a community college. They are just more expensive and appeal to the rich.
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Yes, that is very true.
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