What I believe about No Contact.

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Apparently a few people are under the mistaken impression that I don’t believe in No Contact because they believe I am a “narc hugger.”

I may never have been clear about where I stand about No Contact, so now is the time to clear up any misunderstandings.

I definitely believe No Contact is the ONLY viable way to “handle” a narcissist. I don’t hate narcissists per se, but I hate what they do. Even if you sympathize with the “lost true self” living deep inside every narcissist, that doesn’t take way from the fact they are extremely dangerous people and will use everything in their power to destroy your reputation, your self confidence, your sanity, and even your life if you allow one to get too close to you. Going No Contact is not an act of hate or retribution; it’s an act of survival for yourself and your children if you have any.

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While there are some situations where going completely No Contact may not be possible (for example, if you have children with a narcissist), then go for the next best thing–Very Low Contact. That’s the kind of relationship I have with my ex. I only have dealings with him when I must–when information about our two adult children needs to be communicated. Other than that, I refuse to deal with him at all.

But I think in most situations, No Contact is not only possible, but is necessary for your recovery and happiness. It doesn’t matter if it’s your mother or other close relative. Don’t feel guilty. Hell, they never did when they abused you!

So that’s where I stand on the matter, in case there were ever any doubts.

No Contact is always best.

20 thoughts on “What I believe about No Contact.”

      • Most definitely. But I don’t know how to draw this boundary, esp. once the pattern has started.

        I don’t want to hug her but I know it will be awkward if I say, “Please don’t hug me.”

        How do you handle it?

        I’m somewhat of a huggable person but only with people I actually like. I don’t like this person at all.

        She’s the owner of the contracting company that has done work in our house (we rent). So if there’s a problem…especially if the problem is with the work her inconsiderate (to say the least) workers did, then I have to call her. Then she shows up to assess and for some reason, ALWAYS hugs me. Ugh. I hate it. Then there’s the issue of her perfume that always leaves it’s scent all over me after the hug.

        Sorry, I know this is way off topic of the actual article.

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        • If someone wants to hug me and I don’t want them to, if I can’t find something to distract me (“oh, wait, let me go look at something real quick!”) then I let them hug me but I remain stiff and unyielding.
          No, I didn’t think it was off topic.
          Ugh, I hate strong perfume too! Bleh.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Hugging bothers me too!! Not with people I know and care aot about but acquaintances and business people and people in church I barely know… why does everybody want to hug everybody all the time?? I don’t know how to stop it either. I just try to get it over with really quickly.

          Liked by 1 person

            • Hugs just feel invasive to me. And in my case, I am tall for a woman and many of the people are a lot shorter than me, plus I am… uhm… not that small up top… so I have to be careful that the person I am hugging doesn’t end up with their face in my chest. Awkward!!

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            • I am not as tall as I used to be, having lost a couple of inches to degenerative disc disease. But I am still much taller than the average person living here in New Mexico. I am one of those women that little old ladies come up to in stores and say, “You are nice and tall — can you please get that off the top shelf for me?” My eldest granddaughter, the one at Harvard, is 6′ tall. I hate to think how tall her kids will be. 😉

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            • I’ve head with successive generations, kids get shorter until they reach a mean height. In my family, it worked like this. My mother is 5′ 6″, I am 5’4 1/2″ and my daughter is a petite 5′ 3.” We joke that her daughter will be under 5 feet but that’s not likely, especally if she marries a tall man.
              My son is also shorter than his father–he is 5’8″ and his father is 5’10”

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          • I really think the only way to stop any hug coming your way that you don’t want is to be direct. You might be able to dodge it once or twice by saying you need to do something or check something or go to the bathroom. But sooner or later…

            I was thinking about it immediately after this woman hugged me last time…a little over a week ago. Heck I was trying to figure out how to get out of it BEFORE it happened.

            I would like to find a sentence that just sounds a little less snotty I guess (lol) than “Please don’t hug me.”

            Unfortunately though the only way to stop it is to speak up. I will need to ponder this because I don’t have the same tolerance as I used to when it comes to this kind of thing. Hugging is a show of affection. And I feel no such thing toward this woman.

            It’s either feel awkward for about 30 minutes while she’s in the house or continue with the ‘close my eyes and get it over with’ kind of thing.

            There’s also contention with this woman(Long story) so that makes it worse for me. And she’s well aware of it, so she just comes off as phoney in my eyes, making me dislike her even more.

            That makes me phoney too I think.

            Liked by 1 person

            • If you come up with an honest and gracious way to stop unwanted hugs, please let us know!

              Lol.. right now I have a large German Shepherd hogging most of the bed and I don’t want to hurt her feelings by making her move or get down. And she’s not even our dog, we are taking care of her while our friends are on vacation. That’s how assertive I am.

              Liked by 1 person

            • LOL…I don’t seem to have a problem with being assertive with dogs. When it comes to pets, my bed is my bed.

              I used to be a pet sitter/dogwalker. That taught me a lot. I remember having a dog here who liked to get up on the bed but I was too scared to take her by the collar, even gently. I’d never seen her aggressive toward ppl but she had an aggressiveness toward other dogs, so that made me nervous.

              So I would get up and luckily was able to talk her off and tell her to stay. And usually she would stay off.

              I think letting them up there, especially certain breeds, shows them it’s ok for them to be dominant. Which could turn into more problems.

              But that’s me and that is also just certain dogs. Many people allow their dogs to sleep in bed with them. And I don’t mind if it’s a small dog. But not big dogs because mainly, they take up too much space.

              This thread has really turned into something unrelated to the original article. LMAO!

              Anyway, I will let you know if I come up with something. Maybe a google search?

              Liked by 2 people

            • Dogs. One thing I love about animals is the way they don’t judge you and you can tell them your darkest secrets and fears and they will never betray you. No wonder so many people prefer animals to people. I love my fur babies. ❤

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  3. I just read something that touched me. A Narc is always claiming he wants unconditional love….but unconditional love is a condition with a Narc, because Narcs do give unconditional love back.

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