“Should We Feel Sorry for Narcs”?

Fellow ACON blogger Fivehundredpoundpeep takes issue with my post from earlier today. I had a feeling this would be a point of contention between us, since my religious beliefs are more liberal than hers, I guess. She removed me from her blog roll, which I expected. Here is what she has to say about this matter.

Should We Feel Sorry For Narcs? 

guilt_trip

My answer in short is NO.

Lucky Otter differs…..

“I think it’s time we stop bashing narcissists”

God forbids vengeance and we are to avoid repaying evil for evil, but when it comes to narcissists and the wicked in this world, there are many who desire the enabling of evil. Anger in itself is not sinful, it depends on what you do with it. There is such a thing as righteous anger that is used to protect oneself and the innocent.

I wrote Lucky Otter the comment below in warning her. We have a world now where many tell good people they must love the unrepentant wicked and this is one reason why wicked people have been able to hurt so many people. Often the enablers even use this kind of logic telling people they were not loving enough to the narcissist. Every Scapegoat in the world was told these lies, that they were not kind and loving enough to their abusive narcissistic or sociopathic parents. We were told we were not kind enough, not forgiving enough. We were told by cruel narcissists we were mean bitter people even for drawing healthy boundaries.

One thing to consider is how many do excuse evil in this world using situational ethics, or telling the world, that the guy who just murdered a dozen people had a “hard home life”. There is a point where a human being does make the choice for good or evil and in the case of malignant narcs I believe they have seared their consciences making the decisions for evil. Yes there are narcissists who are lower down the spectrum who perhaps could get help or turn to God, but most blogs that write about narcissism make for those allowances.

I am concerned about Lucky Otter’s defenses of narcissists, it has gotten to the point, I am going to have to unlink her blog from this one. It is something that has been troubling me for awhile. I like and care about Lucky Otter but I do not want anyone on this blog led to bad places emotionally or psychologically.

My religious beliefs about evil which are rooted in being a born again Christian, are on a different page from Otter’s. My beliefs about narcissism and what should be done biblically when it comes to the wicked also are completely different. The call to love, forgive [with no repentance from their end] and feel sorry for the “abused little narcs” for me is the last straw. This is asking people to be doormats and abused more by evil. I am going to pray and hope she is shown the truth about wicked people. Her beliefs concern me even for her own sake, in being led to a place where she is to feel sorry for narcs or whom even smakintosh once warned in one of his videos about “Hugging the Vampires.”

Lucky Otter, I can’t hug the vampires, or feel sorry for the narcs. I do not believe God mandates this. I believe many false churches and no I am not pointing at your specific type of church but a lot of them out there are teaching people to endorse, enable, excuse evil. Jesus called the evil VIPERS, he didn’t hold back. He said exactly what they were in the book of Matthew 23:33:

Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?

I wrote this comment on Lucky Otter’s blog:

I disagree with you here. If anything the entire world is wrapped about defending the feelings of the narc. If anything every institution takes up for the narcs as scapegoats get smashed down again and again. I have gotten smashed down for narcs over and over, while no one cared about how I felt. A narc that wants help and wants to change in my book isn’t even a malignant narc, that is someone with fleas or borderline personality disorder or other spiritual problems but not a narc or what I call in Christian spiritual terms. “SEARED” and “REPROBATE”. Show me a narc who has REALLY REPENTED. If they have then they are not a sociopath and most likely not a malignant narcissist. False churches will teach enabling of the evil. Otter, I mean what I say about that, there are many invested in desiring the evil is enabled.

*****

I respect FHPP’s religious views, but I won’t pretend it doesn’t sadden me that my post might have caused a rift in our friendship.

But even friends aren’t always going to agree. I also think some things I said might have been taken out of context. For example, I never encouraged enabling a narcissist or staying with one. I am a strong supporter of No Contact. I also think we aren’t really in disagreement about malignant narcissists who are beyond hope or help.

I just don’t think all the hate on the web helps anyone and it only continues to feed their need for supply. Like a drug addict, attention–whether negative or positive–is their drug of choice.

ETA: 3/5/17.    I’ve since arrived at the conclusion that this blogger uses her religion to shame and judge others, pretends “concern” which is really a form of gaslighting, and has STILL not moved on from the black and white thinking and hatred of anyone with a cluster B disorder.  At the time, I was hurt at what I perceived as betrayal (it was) and was still trying to give this blogger the benefit of the doubt, but now I no longer do.  The friendship ended with this post.  She wasn’t done with me yet.  Shortly after this post, I was mobbed, viciously attacked and smeared by some of her blogger “friends” (really flying monkeys). As a result I was retraumatized and almost took down my own blog.  The implications are clear.   Not all ACON blogs are safe and some are, in fact, run by narcissists.

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About luckyotter

Recovering from BPD and C-PTSD due to narcissistic abuse from childhood. Married to a sociopath for 20 years. Proud INFJ, Enneagram type 4w5. Animal lover, music lover, cat mom, unapologetic geek, fan of the absurd, progressive Catholic, mom to 2, mental illness stigma activist, anti-Trumper. #RESISTANCE
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13 Responses to “Should We Feel Sorry for Narcs”?

  1. I thought you were pretty clear about the fact that you didn’t advocate overlooking, condoning, tolerating, excusing, or subjecting yourself to a narcissist’s abuse. That’s the point, isn’t it?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. danquality says:

    If I were you I wouldn’t have even acknowledged it; that’s probably what he/she wanted. This is just my opinion; I mean no disrespect.
    That being said, I saw nothing wrong with “should we feel sorry for narcs?” post. I didn’t agree with it to be honest, but that is your opinion and there is nothing wrong with it. I won’t unfollow somebody because of something like that.
    I enjoy your posts along with all the other guys I follow because you all help me out alot.
    Keep it up 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • luckyotter says:

      No, FHPP is a good person, we’ve been buddies for awhile. She has no ill intentions. We just believe differently. Personally I think unfollowing was an overreaction but she feels strongly about this so I’m going to let it pass.

      Like

  3. Doug says:

    I am what I consider a friend of Peeps. As good a friend as one can be on the internet. One of my last posts mentioned that how I can work around and feel sorry for my homicidal maniac of a mother. (MY mother murdered my fathers boss while in league with my sisters boyfriend trying to rob him. My sister and father were NOT involved in any way.).And I said it must be a barren and dismal existence to never feel love for family or know the tender feelings a mother has for a child. I then added something to the effect that I also feel sorry for a rabid dog about to be put down, but you won’t find me petting it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Doug says:

    I also agree with Danquality. I have been blogging for a few years now and ultimately it’s your blog and your words. I will always want to hear the true thoughts and feeling of the blogger or why bother.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I could say that five-hundred pound fat people like fivehundredpoundpeep are lazy, pathetic losers who are “choosing” to be obese and should be condemned as unable to ever rejoin the world of people who are reasonably fit, healthy and attractive (and, there are people who think this way). But, I would be ignoring the many factors that cause someone to become obese, like being taught to eat badly by parents, the terrible eating habits our culture promotes, sedentary lifestyles promoted by overuse of cars and sedentary jobs, physical factors, etc.

    As you said in your article, having sympathy for people, while sometimes impossible, is a human and laudable thing to strive for even in the worst cases. “Narcissists” while they may be horribly abusive, were frequently themselves abused and neglected as children, and are often “choosing” the only defensive strategy they know how to survive – that of controlling and mistreating others as they were controlled and mistreated. To condemn them for that is ultimately lacking insight and understanding.

    It wasn’t a very well-considered comment by fivehundredpoundpeep.. she misquoted your article, which was titled “I think it’s time we stop bashing ALL narcissists”. There’s a big difference in meaning if you include the word ALL; the tone then becomes about not generalizing the bashing of of some or most people to all. So, she twisted your original meaning and then wrote about the straw man she had created.

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    • luckyotter says:

      To be fair, she has a condition called Lipedemia (I hope I spelled that right) that causes her to continue to gain weight even though she eats a normal diet. I believe it’s genetic condition.
      But thank you for pointing out what I was really trying to say. Things can be taken out of context so easily. Yes, that word “all” in the title makes a huge difference.

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      • Even if she has a genetic condition – which means that being fat is (largely, not totally) unrelated to anything she chooses to do – that would still be related to my point about “narcissists”. As children, narcissists-to-be do not have a choice about whether or not they are neglected, abused, or otherwise mistreated, which the overwhelming majority of them are (generally happy, well-adjusted children don’t usually morph into adult narcissists). They have to survive and cope the best they can with what they are given, and unfortunately many can only survive by mistreating others as they were mistreated. Judging them as as making a choice to emotionally develop into narcissists is simplistic; children are in a very dependant and vulnerable position until their late teens or early 20s; they do have choices, but their power to choose is limited by many factors; furthermore, many “narcissists” remain essentally childlike (in an emotional sense) as adults.

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        • luckyotter says:

          That’s why I feel bad for the children they once were–if this choice to become a narcissist was made between the ages of about 3 and 6 (that’s the age most narcissists say they made the choice) it’s hardly under their control. A 3-6 year old can’t really be held accountable for a bad choice they made. It doesn’t excuse their behaviors as adults, but it does seem unfair that we hold them accountable for choice made when they were still preschoolers. Some make that choice later in life, though. These are basically people who never grew up emotionally and use a mask to cover up the toddlers they really are. It is sad.

          Have you ever seen the documentary Child of Rage? It’s about a 6 year old girl who was already psychopathic but early intervention and removal from her abusive natural parents and intensive therapy saved her from a life as a psychopath and she became a normal adult.
          I wrote a post about it, you may have seen it already:
          https://luckyottershaven.com/2014/11/05/can-a-psychopath-ever-be-cured/

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